this "take a chance" business isn't all its cracked up to be

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #1 08-16-2003, 07:10 PM

So I've been hanging out with this guy for a couple months now, and while we're not dating, we do all the things dating couples do. Neither of us is seeing anyone else, we go out to dinner together, and nobody's surprised to see us holding hands anymore.

He's brought up actually beginning a relationship lately -- referring to me as his girlfriend, getting more serious in general, I suppose. But I was hesitant, for a couple of reasons. Intially I thought he still had some ex-girlfriend issues. I don't think that anymore, but I moved back home a couple weeks ago, and starting a relationship living 90 miles apart probably isn't topping the 100 Easiest Ways To Start A Successful Relationship list.

We got into an awful, awful arguement a couple days ago that kind of snowballed into three straight days of arguing. We finally set things straight last night, but I'm anxious -- this makes me wonder if it's a huge, huge sign that THIS IS A BAD PLAN.

I really like this guy (at the risk of sounding thirteen) and love being around him. I'm not trying to marry him, but I'm also not trying to throw myself wholeheartedly into a semi-long-distance relationship that's doomed from the start.

He talks a good game. He's made it clear he has strong feelings for me, "good intentions" (come on, admit it, that's cute) and thinks the arguing is the result of learning how to deal with each other (i.e., not just butting heads.) But I can't get over the fact that we just had a three day drawn out argument and we're not even DATING yet.

I can't figure out if this is something I need to stop thinking about and just take a chance on, or if this is something I'll look back on in half a month and be like, Good LORD, what was I THINKING?!?!

thoughts?

AchtungBaby80 · #2 08-16-2003, 07:17 PM

You're 90 miles apart? Get out while the going's good!

Munchkin03 · #3 08-16-2003, 07:21 PM

As someone who has been in a long-distance relationship since Day 1 (okay, maybe Day 3 or 4), 90 miles is really not that bad. It's a weekend trip. Mr Munch and I survived being apart for three years in college (Rhode Island to Missouri, with some time apart when I lived in Italy). Other than the people who insinuated that we weren't as close a couple as they were because we were long-distance, things have been great. It just comes down to the maturity and independence of the two parties at hand.

bethany1982 · #4 08-16-2003, 07:27 PM

I agree that the 90 miles is no big thing in a relationship if you really want it to work. However, it sounds like you have a lot of doubts... get out while the getting out is easy.

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #5 08-16-2003, 07:30 PM

I've been down there a lot... it's about an hour and a half, and I don't have a lot of friends still up here, and I do have a lot of friends still down there.

We just seem like we click in this funny, unexpected way, and I like him so much -- it makes me worry that I'm throwing away something good. At the same time I wonder if it's stupid to even pursue something that's complicated from the start.

bethany1982 · #6 08-16-2003, 07:43 PM

If you really like him, go for it! I would not worry about one arguement... I would worry about cold feet or doubts. Like you said, you are not trying to marry him...

MeLikey · #7 08-16-2003, 07:55 PM

Personally, I'm at a point where I wouldn't date someone if I didn't think it would be a long-term relationship or turn into marriage. You said that you're not trying to marry him-- so you already know that he's not the type of guy you'd want to marry? My ex and I went to the same school, but during breaks we were 4 hours away, and for me that was tough but we made it work. I say that if you don't feel that this could be a serious relationship, then I wouldn't start anything. There's always a possibility it could end nasty, and if you love being around him, then maintain the strong friendship you have. Maybe you should hold off for a little before starting a relationship right away... see how you feel with some distance between the two of you... and if you miss him too much, then you'll know that you should start a relationship... if your feelings are leaning more toward out of sight out of mind, then you'll know not to start anything.

OUlioness01 · #8 08-16-2003, 11:38 PM

i say go for it. i agree with munchkin, 90 miles isn't that bad at all. if you really like this guy definitely give him a chance. an argument is not fun, but the way you handle them and learn to handle them is a very important part of your relationship. you said that you're not trying to marry him and that's a good thing at this time in your life, but you owe yourself the chance at least to see if your feelings evolve. he obviously cares for you. if you care about him why not try it, at least for a little while.