Scruples #3 (for Fato)

PinkCashmere · #1 08-11-2000, 11:36 AM

Saw this on another board and had to turn it into a Scruples question!

Situation: You find yourself attracted to a wonderful person who is everything that you want in a mate. You know for a fact that the person is also very attracted to you. The person was in a previous relationship with someone that didn't work out. Things just weren't right for them at that time in their lives. The problem is that the ex-significant other is a friend of yours. But you really think that you and your friend's ex would be perfect for each other.

Question: Would you date your friend's ex?

LikeASista · #2 08-11-2000, 11:52 AM

Nope.

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No weapon formed against me shall prosper, for I am a child of the Most High God, Who sits upon the Throne of Grace, and rules all Heaven and Earth.

mizzkes · #3 08-11-2000, 01:39 PM

Never. There are too many men in the world for me to date my friend's ex. "Perfect for me"?....the fact that he is my friend's ex is the Imperfection.

Sexy Mocha · #4 08-11-2000, 01:52 PM

Ok, if I knew my friend and this guy was in a serious relationship/had kids together/or had been dating for a while...then I wouldn't even consider it. Although if it were me and one of my friends and my ex developed an attraction toward each other and wanted to date...I'd say more power to them. I'm not the type to say "I don't want this man anymore, I'm moving on to something bigger and better...but you'd better not go near him!" I wouldn't stand in the way of that possible one in a million case, as Eclipse put it. Who knows maybe they were meant to be.....he and I certainly wasn't!
I wouldn't hate...I'd congratulate!

[This message has been edited by Sexy Mocha (edited August 11, 2000).]

tickledpink · #5 08-11-2000, 10:18 PM

No. No. No. He's off limits in my eyesight. And as for vice versa, I don't think I could trust a "friend" that dates my ex. I tend to cry on my best friend's shoulder. So, if after I've vented to her, especially if he's hurt me somehow, she chooses to date him, I'd think she doesn't value our friendship. Even if I wasn't hurt, I'd always wonder "were they attracted to each other while we were dating... will she be attracted to my new beau as well... what kind of person is she really?"

[This message has been edited by tickledpink (edited August 11, 2000).]

AKAtude · #6 08-12-2000, 12:05 AM

No...and that's all I'm gonna say about that.

carebear · #7 08-12-2000, 12:09 AM

Well speaking from experience I know that I would never ever date again a guy that was interested/once talking to/or whatever to anyone of my friends. I was in this situation this past school year and because of the person that I am, after I found out that this guy liked me or whatever I approached my friend and asked how would she feel if me and XY got together and low and behold she didn't care; however about a month or so after we got together she started to get upset and tear away from me which made me wonder was she hiding her true feelings which in fact she was. We talked about it later and everything went back to normal; however the lesson learned in this was NEVER TALK W/ ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS Mates...no matter what!

Eclipse · #8 08-12-2000, 12:12 AM

This did not happen to me personally, but it did happen to a very good friend of mind. Long story short:
Girl meets boy from another town while in high school. They become pen pals
Girl and boy go to college in same town (different schools, but near each other) and remain friends, but date other people
After about 2 years boy introduces girl to a friend of his and they began to date. Girl introduces boy to one of her friends and they began to date.
Dating last about 2-3 months. Original girl and original boy realize that they really like each other, friends realize they like each other and couples 'switch'
Fast forward.... Original boy and girl are married (to each other) and have 3 kids. "Friends" are also married to each other and have 4 kids. Both couples have been marriend over 10 years
They are all still friends and even though they live in different cities keep in contact. When they get together they say they are glad they all realized the way things were supposed to be before it was too late!

Sooooo....although I will say I would NOT date an ex of a good friend of mine, I think this is a one -in- a million case of where it actually worked out!

Professor · #9 08-12-2000, 12:23 AM

I think one has to weigh the options. If the consequence may result in loosing a friend and you don't mind then go for it. On the other hand, if you discuss the matter with the friend and he/she says no problem then best of luck. In fact, I've watched some of my friends in relationships and have thought "I wish she were mine or why does she want him when it is obvious we are well matched. However, I would not date one of my boyz ex's unless their dating was several years in the past.
"0000006

AKA2D '91 · #10 08-12-2000, 12:47 AM

I responded on the other board....

I said it there and I will say it in here...

HECK NO!

And if it was done to me...I would have to distance myself from that person, whoever it was!

blu_theatrics · #11 08-12-2000, 08:03 PM

No

The Original Ape · #12 08-14-2000, 12:08 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by PinkCashmere:
Saw this on another board and had to turn it into a Scruples question!

Situation: You find yourself attracted to a wonderful person who is everything that you want in a mate. You know for a fact that the person is also very attracted to you. The person was in a previous relationship with someone that didn't work out. Things just weren't right for them at that time in their lives. The problem is that the ex-significant other is a friend of yours. But you really think that you and your friend's ex would be perfect for each other.

Question: Would you date your friend's ex?

I wouldn't even consider it because people are always trying to save face and appear as if the lose was the other person's. You never REALLY know how your boy/girl feels/felt about her/him; so I wouldn't even consider it.

DELTABRAT · #13 08-14-2000, 03:47 PM

Hello All!!!

Naw!!! I agree with tickledpink. There are too many men out there and women for that matter for my friend and ex to hook up. I would have SERIOUS problems with that... Especially since I would never do that to a friend of mine.

PEACE

AKA2D '91 · #14 11-16-2004, 05:43 PM

ttt for fato

What are the rules when it comes to dating a Bro/Sorors ex-beau? When is it acceptable? On what terms? Is it even possible?