another thread about how i can't understand men...

PhiMuJulia · #1 06-20-2003, 12:31 AM

ok here's a simple question...does a man who is controling, become controlling only because a woman lets them, or is it there nature to act that way no matter how strong their woman is???

PhiMuJulia · #2 06-20-2003, 01:10 AM

please somebody must be able to shed some light to thim matter?!?!?!!?!?!!!

RUgreek · #3 06-20-2003, 01:11 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by PhiMuJulia
ok here's a simple question...does a man who is controling, become controlling only because a woman lets them, or is it their nature to act that way no matter how strong their woman is???

It's not always about control, it could also be about respect. A man in control feels more respect from those who listen. But that may not be the type of person you're describing.

Usually, it is because the woman let's him, but a guy will always fight for the upper hand in a relationship because that's the environment we grow up in.

Third option, he could be a certifiable asshole?

RUgreek

PhiMuJulia · #4 06-20-2003, 01:16 AM

ok there are two guys in my life right now, they are just likes and hooks for now and the word on the street now they are both kinda control freaks, i have personally never had a problem with a man trying to control me, I am very strong and independent. And i see my best friend who's man IS A CONTROL FREAK and she kinda stands up to him but at the same time she's always like sorry babe sorry babe sorry babe i love you babe and she does nothing wrong, so is it her behavoir or his...and can i fall into this?!?

RUgreek · #5 06-20-2003, 01:26 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by PhiMuJulia
ok there are two guys in my life right now, they are just likes and hooks for now and the word on the street now they are both kinda control freaks, i have personally never had a problem with a man trying to control me, I am very strong and independent. And i see my best friend who's man IS A CONTROL FREAK and she kinda stands up to him but at the same time she's always like sorry babe sorry babe sorry babe i love you babe and she does nothing wrong, so is it her behavoir or his...and can i fall into this?!?

Yes you can, and don't. Since I'm a guy, I'd like to give caveman perspective a shot. Keep yourself from letting them get a inch, cause you know they'll take a mile. As for your friend, she's relationship dependent, probably not really under the male control problem yet. What exactly does he control over her? I can't speak for the behavior of your friend and her boyfriend without knowing what's really going on.

However, if your gut tells you he's a control freak, then he probably is. If he is the type of guy you'd date, then it is possible you could fall into the same situation, but since you are aware of it, you may not let it happen.

Hope that made a bit sense, if not helpful....

RUgreek

PhiMuJulia · #6 06-20-2003, 01:30 AM

i mean its not a gut feeling, these guys both seem very nice right now, but I don't know either of them well enough to tell, but its just ironic that in one day i find out from various siters that these guys are control freaks.

ok my friend situation-her boyfriend calls her every 5 minutes literally, for nothing just to bitch and he HATES that she hangs out with me, even if we are shopping, one night we were just driving around and talking, he called her 12 times in an hour, she didn't answer cause she didn't feel like dealing with him, as soon as we got back to her place he was pounding on her door at 12:30am!!!! i was like break up with that psycho, she's like definatly next day she's having unprotected sex with him...i've given up on the whole situation!

RUgreek · #7 06-20-2003, 01:39 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by PhiMuJulia
i mean its not a gut feeling, these guys both seem very nice right now, but I don't know either of them well enough to tell, but its just ironic that in one day i find out from various siters that these guys are control freaks.

ok my friend situation-her boyfriend calls her every 5 minutes literally, for nothing just to bitch and he HATES that she hangs out with me, even if we are shopping, one night we were just driving around and talking, he called her 12 times in an hour, she didn't answer cause she didn't feel like dealing with him, as soon as we got back to her place he was pounding on her door at 12:30am!!!! i was like break up with that psycho, she's like definatly next day she's having unprotected sex with him...i've given up on the whole situation!

I think you can handle yourself. You sound like you know what you want. Don't judge them by other sisters' opinions; see if they live up to your expectations first. Like you said, it's all fun and play right now, so let things flow until you need to make some choices.

As for your friend, it really sound more like a dependency on the sexual and emotional aspects of a relationship, not really control. Yea, he's doing all the psycho stuff, but it could just be his moronic paranoid brain worrying about her and wanting to keep her to himself (yea, i don't understand why guys get like that). Personally, if there is no violence going on (dear g-d, call the police if he ever touches her) then you really can't help her. Let her learn from her own mistakes.

I'm not saying dump your friend, just stay out of the relationship matter. People who think they are in love don't give a shit about what other people say. It's damn near impossible to reason with someone who is so involved with another person, so just let it be. Just my opinon, but it's what i know from experience.

RUgreek

PhiMuJulia · #8 06-20-2003, 01:42 AM

i definatly have decided to do it...its just so crazy cause she's always like lets go out and meet some biddies, she says she wants to hold on to him till something better comes along...but why be unhappy rather than alone!!!!!

human beings-the last frontier, i don't get people arg!!!!

RUgreek · #9 06-20-2003, 01:46 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by PhiMuJulia
i definatly have decided to do it...its just so crazy cause she's always like lets go out and meet some biddies, she says she wants to hold on to him till something better comes along...but why be unhappy rather than alone!!!!!

human beings-the last frontier, i don't get people arg!!!!

Well, she's looking for booty and likes to keep an ace in her pocket too. Look at it from her shoes, go out, find some tail with no real pressure; I've got something else waiting at home. If she's really unhappy, she'll break it off. How long have these two been going out, and is this her first?

PhiMuJulia · #10 06-20-2003, 01:49 AM

6 months and her first?!?!?!! HAH she's one of these people that ALWAYS has a boyfriend, i know its her she can't stand to be alone, but she's just to good for the men she's always with, she settles for anyone

oh to have high standards...its so hard and lonely!

RUgreek · #11 06-20-2003, 02:01 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by PhiMuJulia
6 months and her first?!?!?!! HAH she's one of these people that ALWAYS has a boyfriend, i know its her she can't stand to be alone, but she's just to good for the men she's always with, she settles for anyone

oh to have high standards...its so hard and lonely!

If more people raised the bar a little, assholes would go extinct.

So like I said, she's more of a monophobia-type person, maybe addicted to relationships. Nevertheless, she's doing what she wants which is probably balancing out the unhappiness of the drama Mr. Boyfriend creates. If it bothers or concerns you this much, maybe you should talk to her about it. You obviously care about her and don't want her to get into trouble, but at the same time, don't try to be a parent to her.

PhiMuJulia · #12 06-20-2003, 02:02 AM

i just don't EVER want to be in that situation is all