Needing Some Advice

VSUPhiMu · #1 06-18-2003, 11:20 PM

Hey, girls...I need your help. I don't want to go into it on this board, but I need some advice. You may or may not know I'm getting married in September, but I've recently been diagnosed with a condition causing infertility and need some advice/support. My boyfriend and I are basically just devastated and overwhelmed right now, and I could use someone with experience to give me a little help.

If you think you can give me some advice, please IM me. I love ya'll! LIOB

IheartAphi · #2 06-19-2003, 05:10 AM

You poor thing--- That is so hard to go through. I am sure your sisters in your chapter can help you through it. My cousin is from your chapter, Wendy Hatcher, and she has spoken of all the great things about your sisterhood. Actually, I never would have rushed if it had not been for her and her Phi Mu stories at Valdosta.

I am in a similar situlation and will have to get genetic testing to see if I can have a healthy baby with my future husband (he has a genetic recessive kidney disease that is one of the most common genetic diseases that occurs). Most people with his condition do not survive to be born and he has already had two transplants.

While I can understand the desire to have your own child, there are so many options available today. You can use a surrogate egg, adopt, or foster children, options I have considered myself. I can only imagine your personal pain at this moment. Please, do not feel like you are any less of a wonderful, beautiful woman or mother.

I suggest to see a counselor about it. Maybe someone in your church or close to you and your fiance. That way you could hammer out all the possible decisions and emotions and hopefully, bring you two together.

I hope you do not mind a "non phi mu" responding to your delicate post. If you ever want anyone to talk to, please, do not hesitate

carnation · #3 06-19-2003, 08:59 AM

Hey VSUPhiMu....

There are several national support groups out there and you might want to hook up with them. There's a Christian group called Stepping Stones and a huge one called Resolve. I know that Resolve has a website--if it's not www.resolve.org, type "Resolve" or "infertility" into a search engine.

I have some books too that I can send down your way. Let me know if I can help!

lionlove · #4 06-19-2003, 11:03 AM

I don't have any advice for you, I just wanted to send a big hug to you and your fiance.

Try PMing Hotdamnimaphimu, I believe she has been in a similar situation.

VSUPhiMu · #5 06-19-2003, 11:57 AM

Thank you to everyone for all the nice words and websites...I really appreciate it. I go back to my dr. on Monday to start a new round of medications. I've been battling this for some time, but the infertility thing is new. Luckily, my dr. is my dad's best friend and has been so great. I think sometimes drs. can be somewhat insensitive when they don't know you personally.

The good news is that everyone in my immediate family is adopted but me...mom, dad, brother, and sister. So I definately have somewhere to start! I guess I'm just so young and always just wanted someone to look like me.

IheartAphi, we all absolutely love Wendy! She helped make my time in Phi Mu so much more fun, and I wish we had ten more just like her. And I definately don't mind a non-Phi Mu responding to my post! Thanks girls!

OUlioness01 · #6 06-19-2003, 07:57 PM

i just wanted to send you a big hug too! this has got to be one of the hardest things you have to deal with, and we will all be here for you, as well as the sisters from your chapter.

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #7 06-23-2003, 03:07 AM

Yup, I am in a similar situation.

and boy was I surprised what a big deal it was to me... especially since I'm 22 years old, unmarried, and not looking to have a child ANYTIME soon....

all the same it's become a huge issue. Feel free to PM or IM me or e-mail; I'm always happy to talk to a sister!

thinking about you....
liob,
Jacquelyn.

PhiMuNursie · #8 06-25-2003, 02:48 AM

Finding out something so difficult, especially at such a happy time as a wedding, is never easy. The only thing I can say in relation to it, not knowing the condition, etc., is that they are finding new treatments in infertility management everyday. So while you play your wedding and marry your wonderful man, there are probably millions of medical professionals out there finding ways to help couples with infertility issues. I guess I'm trying to say, don't let it distract too much from your excitement in getting married because as long as you and your husband love eachother, you will love your baby, no matter where he/she comes from (as I'm sure you know).

And as a side note, should every infertility option fail you when your time for babies comes, I met my best friend my freshman year in college, and to this day people still think we're twins. She looks more like me than my real sister. So just because you don't bear a child, doesn't mean they wouldn't look a heck of a lot like you.

And you have a ba-zillion sisters supporting you and keeping you in their prayers, so whenever it's really upsetting, just look at your letters and know everyone's behind you.

Tara

I have a Phi Mu castle...