Losing my membership

[Lost]

I'm a very active alumna of the one of the top sororities (on any of the lists) and got a letter yesterday that says I'm being financially expelled from the sorority! It seems that at the last national convention, my registration check bounced. I wasn't notified about this for 7 months but as soon as I was told, I set up a payment plan. My husband handles all of our finances so I asked him to take care of this. He had me send in a couple of checks but it turns out that he never did anything else about it.

Now I'm supposed to send in a money order for almost $500 in the next two weeks or I lose my membership. I don't have that much money laying around because I'm in the process of paying off medical bills.

I am mortified. I feel like such "white trash"!!!. I'm in a panic and don't know what to do. When I don't feel like I'm going to throw up, I eat non-stop. This has just made me ill.

I tried to be rational and talk to my husband about this. He has never really cared about my org but he knows that I am devastated. I thought the bounced check a year ago was an aberration but now I'm looking at things closer and am finding a lot of problems with our finances. My husband and I both have good jobs with high income but we don't ever seem to have any money. There is NOT drinking, drugs, gambling or another woman involved because I definitely checked. I think he is just bad at managing money.

I've received national and local awards, am an advisor and alumnae chapter officer. I'm sure this will leave a big black mark against my name within the sorority. I was just passed over for a regional officer position and am wondering if this is why. I'm going to write a letter to our HQ explaining that I don't have the money right now and see if they'll grant an extension. I don't know what else to do. Any suggestions?

[CatStarESP4]

Lost, I am sorry to hear about your predicament. Do you have a joint checking account with your husband? If so, I suggest you open a separate account and control the money that comes in and out. Another suggestion you should consider is to try to talk to him in a rational and civil manner. Tell him how much your sorority means to you and that you could lose your affiliation with them. Also, ask some your sisters to help out, that's what they are there for. I agree that you should write to your HQ about the situation and ask them for an extention. I hope these helps. Good luck!

[James]

Well.

You have two seperate issues. The loss of membership and your husband lol.

About the membership, call the nationl office and ask to talk to the exececutive director. I am sure she will help you lol.

[honeychile]

Originally posted by James
Well.

You have two seperate issues. The loss of membership and your husband lol.

About the membership, call the nationl office and ask to talk to the exececutive director. I am sure she will help you lol.

I would definitely agree with James on both points: that you have two separate issues, and that you need to talk to your national headquarters.

Many of the national organizations are being forced to come down hard on people who have outstanding financial obligations. I've never heard of anyone in quite the same situation as you, but I'm sure that something can be worked out. NO ONE wants to see someone lose their membership!

Good luck, and hope you can change your screen name soon!

[Eirene_DGP]

I agree with James and Honeychile, you seriously need to check your husband. Financial problems have the potential to ruin your marriage. As a temporary solution, (in addition to talking with him about it) If I were you, I would have all of my future checks deposited into my own seperate savings or checking account, and direct a portion of the money to the joint account. The idea is to leave enough in your joint account to cover all of the expenses.

[astroAPhi]

Definitely talk to the national office and emphasize that you are paying off medical bills. That is definitely an extenuating circumstance.

You are very smart to realize that your finances may not be in the best situation. Do you have any sort of personal financial advisor or some sort of advisor that your company can provide for you?

Another thought, could you take out a short-term loan for $500? My boyfriend once did that to pay his fraternity dues and to start his credit history. I don't know how bad your situation is, or if that would just make it worse, but if you can do it, don't forget it as an option.

[valkyrie]

Husband issues aside...am I the only one who finds this VERY disturbing? I understand that our organizations need money to function and that members must be financially responsible, but it seems reprehensible to me to expel a sister because of money, especially after giving her so little time to fix the problem.

I thought sisterhood was for life, through good times and bad. This woman should be cut a little slack.

[SATX*APhi]

Originally posted by valkyrie
Husband issues aside...am I the only one who finds this VERY disturbing? I understand that our organizations need money to function and that members must be financially responsible, but it seems reprehensible to me to expel a sister because of money, especially after giving her so little time to fix the problem.

I thought sisterhood was for life, through good times and bad. This woman should be cut a little slack.

Thank you. My thoughts exactly.

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally posted by valkyrie
Husband issues aside...am I the only one who finds this VERY disturbing? I understand that our organizations need money to function and that members must be financially responsible, but it seems reprehensible to me to expel a sister because of money, especially after giving her so little time to fix the problem.

I thought sisterhood was for life, through good times and bad. This woman should be cut a little slack.

I agree. I know my chapter is not one of the more well-to-do Gamma Phi chapters, and when a sister is having problems paying her dues, we make every effort to accomadate her through promissary notes, payment plans, etc. I know I paid my dues horribly late this year because I had some money issues, and as long as I signed the promissary note it was fine.

I think her nationals should have offered her some type of alternative rather than expulsion, and if they are using expulsion as a threat, should have worded it more politely.

[h2oot]

Many of our National orgs aren't very forgiving when our financials are in arrears.

As part of your repayment for what you owe, you should have an understanding with them about being re-instated. If you explain the situation fully, they should understand. You're aren't the first to be married to a guy who mishandles his finances.

The up side of this is that you've learned some critical information about your marriage and need to deal with it. If it were me, I'd (you, not him) dig through the past year's worth of checks, etc. and see exactly where the money went. Not to accuse your husband of anything, but guys get into sports betting which could be crippling. Maybe the money is just slipping away and you need to set up and FOLLOW a budget to get things back under control.

I have a neighbor who's husband was so bad (i.e., impulsive) with money that she had to take his ATM, credit cards, and check writing away from him. He literally couldn't handle it. It was either that or the marriage.

The main thing is that you KNOW you have a problem and know you have to deal with it. Good luck.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

I think that you should call Headquarters, state your case, and set up a repayment plan. If you can't send them $500 in two weeks, send them $50 a month. It is good faith.

You need to take control of your own finances. I agree that you should have your own account. I don't know the details of your financial life. If you are employed and have your own salary, then it will be easier to take control. If you are a stay at home mother or are disabled or ill without your own money, it will be significantly more difficult. If this is the case, I suggest that you sit down with your husband and go over your family finances together. Do it once a week. Sometimes women choose not to be involved in this aspect of the family because it is unpleasant. I think that getting involved can be empowering for you. It might turn out that you are just better at budgeting and paying bills.

Regarding financial problems, you are not white trash. Everyone goes through rough financial times. Most people are one or two paychecks away from disaster. That means that an injury, an illness, or unemployment can push the average person or family into debt. Don't let guilt or embarrassment control your feelings about money.

I also suggest that you read or tune into Suze Orman's book or show. Hearing her made me reconsider my views about money. Maybe it can help you, too. I wish you the best.

[SmartBlondeGPhB]

Just one comment..............

With the HIGH percentage of alumnae who never get involved, and never pay dues (and probably never have their membership revoked), they want to revoke yours?????

Other than that, I agree with everything else that's been said. Time to control your own finances.

[adpiucf]

I agree with everyone. First things first, take a deep breath. Then write a letter to the Executive Director and to your Grand Council. I would be happy to help you, and I am sure a lot of us would, too.

You don't need to write a 10-page novel-- just be concise and to the point. Explain what happened. Point out your record of exemplary service and desire to stay involved, and that you will take the steps necessary to make good on this mistake.

I understand how very emotional this is for you, but I have faith you can work it out. Be sure to follow up your letter with a phone call to the executive headquarters.

Again, be composed and direct and track all of your communication efforts (verbal, written, electronic).

You are a good sister. Your sorority will work with you to get the numbers worked out!

Please let us know how it turns out, and again, if you need any help, you have a network of GC'ers to lean on!

Fraternally yours,
an ADPi alum

[justamom]

Sit down with your husband and have a long talk.
Get your own checking account-balance your own checks so you will know what has or has not cleared.
If he has control over all he finances, you better pray he never falls into a coma. Do you have a power of attorney?

My husband and I both have good jobs with high income but we don't ever seem to have any money. There is NOT drinking, drugs, gambling or another woman involved because I definitely checked. I think he is just bad at managing money.

...or he has some credit card debt that you are unaware of and it is taking a huge bite out of your discretionary income. Have you sat down and taken a good look at each and every check he has written over th past year? Money does NOT disappear into thin air, it has to go somewhere.

I wish you luck with your status.

[XOMichelle]

Lost-
All this is sound advice... I hope you follow it