depression

smiley21 · #1 03-24-2003, 03:47 PM

in an attempt to help my sanity by venting a little....

what does depression really mean? can someone be a really sad and then depressed? i know depression is a emotional and mental disease. but i personally feel like i am about to hit rock bottom. i dont want to get too personal, but i feel so sick right now. most of the time, the only way i can communicate with people is by being really solemn or just mean. sometimes its really hard for me to smile. i feel so dumb for saying this about me in a place as public as this. but since no one actually knows me, i feel somewhat safe. i just seriously need some sort of encouragement. this has been a battle of mine that has been building in the last two years. something happened then that totally changed me. i cannot get over it. how can i get pass this and get myself back?

valkyrie · #2 03-24-2003, 03:55 PM

It sounds like you might benefit from seeing a therapist or psychiatrist. Depression is a medical condition, and there is treatment available. You have been suffering on your own for far too long.

Of course, we're here for you if you want to talk. It might, however, be time to enlist the help of a professional. Good luck, and let us know how you're doing!!

Lady Pi Phi · #3 03-24-2003, 05:25 PM

As someone who suffers from depression, I completely understand how you feel. Talking to someone, anyone can be helpful, even if it's just to get your feelings off your chest.
However, if you've been feeling this why for a while it would probably be in the best interest to seek professional help.
I know it can be intimidating to see a professional. There is some sort of stigma attached to seeking therapy, but please be assured that there is nothing wrong with it, and you will benefit greatly from it.
But if you don't feel cofortable going, there are plenty of people here, including me, that will listen if you ever need to talk.

Talk care

Emily

BSP_Nicole · #4 03-24-2003, 08:10 PM

I have been battling bipolar disorder for almost 7 years. I would definately suggest that you have your doctor refer you to a psychiatrist, who can then help you find a therapist, and may also help you with medication. Please seek treatment! If you need to talk, please feel free to PM me.

-Nicole

smiley21 · #5 03-24-2003, 08:22 PM

but i dont want medication!!! and i dont want to see a therapist! i just needed some encouragement. i just want to feel needed.

pinkyphimu · #6 03-24-2003, 08:27 PM

smiley,

i just PMed you.

swissmiss04 · #7 03-24-2003, 10:38 PM

Smiley-
Sometime you get to the point where encouragement isn't enough. It's always nice, but not always sufficent. If you are truly "rockbottom" you'e definitely in need of some sort of professional intervention. Otherwise, I'd just say you're in a pretty nasty rut. Only you can know that for sure. Either way, I do hope things start looking up for you. Please do everything you can to help yourself. You're welcome to PM me if you need anything.
Take care!
Heather

alphaiota · #8 03-24-2003, 10:51 PM

smiley -
let me tell you from first hand experience, encouragement and feeling needed by others doesn't fix that feeling inside that just constantly churns.

i've been dealing with depression since i was in hs, but i didn't get diagnosed until my sophmore year of college. once i was put on prozac i was fine. when i first tried to go off of my prozac about one year after i started it, i tried to committ suicide and had to get back on it. after another year i was finally able to go off of it without any problems. to this day i still have to control some of those depression sessions i get every once in a while, but now i can do it without medicine which is a great feeling.

trust me i know how it is be looked at like a freak b/c you take prozac and have a chemical imbalance. not fun, but if you can get past this part, the result is so worth it.

these feelings you have go far beyond just being feelings. this is most likely something chemical that can be balanced out by medicine.

if you really don't want to take any meds, well, they now have a weekly prozac that might be right for you. but like everyone else said, talk to your doctor. check with your school's health center to see if they offer counseling. they did at my school and it was free. also, doctors at the youth center most likely can prescribe you an anti-depressant of some sort.

take the first step and seek out help. you'll be very happy you did. pm me if you have any questions.

shelley j
sigma k

smiley21 · #9 03-24-2003, 11:26 PM

i just dont want it to get out that something is wrong with me. my mom doesnt know about this. she just looks at me weird cause she knows i am hiding something. she will get into lectures with me and start accusing me of stuff. i just dont want to tell her anything cause she makes me so mad. my head is killing me right now so i am going to cut this short. i dont want my parents knowing about this. even if i could get help without her knowing, she will find out later. she is like psychic or something. i can barely do anything on my own without her finding out something. last time i got really busted for something, she got the message in a dream. it is really strange. sometimes i wish my mom would just leave me alone.

pinkyphimu · #10 03-24-2003, 11:44 PM

smiley,

i just pmed you again.

BSP_Nicole · #11 03-25-2003, 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by smiley21
but i dont want medication!!! and i dont want to see a therapist!

I don't want to take medication or have to see a therapist either. But I do it because it keeps me alive and functioning.

how can i get pass this and get myself back?

Take the advice we've all given to you... seek some professional help. You said "this has been a battle of mine that has been building in the last two years"; maybe it's time to get someone to help you battle it.

smiley21 · #12 03-25-2003, 09:23 PM

i was in a really bad mood today. then after a few hours at work, i got a little happy and was smiling. i know dont what my feelings are. were my sad feelings and anger all fake or maybe smaller then i made it? does smiling mean that i didnt really have those negative feelings. i am confused. i cry at stuff that goes on in my head. sometimes things run in my head so quickly that i cant keep up and i freak. it literally feels like i am losing my mind. sometimes my mind moves so slow that i cannot make out what i am thinking. i know..i am weird.

alphaiota · #13 03-25-2003, 09:47 PM

smiley -
everything you just said in your last post is exactly what i went through. and BSP_Nicole is right, none of us want to take pills and talk to a therapist, but it is necessary in order for us to live a normal functioning life.

the night i tried to kill myself i had zero control over my thoughts. it all started when i was at work that day and i just started getting really sad, cried a little, but had to try and hold it back. when i got home i got a phone call from one of my sisters who was really upset with something i had done. she yelled at me and made me start crying again. i got off the phone and just couldn't stop crying, thinking, or feeling like i couldn't go on. the thoughts just flew through my head faster than i could handle. then i just kept having one repetative thought go through my head. i had to stop it. i had to stop all of the pain and the thoughts and the saddness. i had enough consciousness to call my friend who ended up saving my life.

here are a few questions:
1. are you having trouble sleeping? or are you sleeping all the time?
2. do you have a loss of appetite? or do you eat all the time?
3. do you sometimes feel like you don't want to even get out of bed ?
4. do you cry at the drop of a hat? (yes, cuz you just said that in your last post)
5. is your life being controlled by your moods?
6. can you see a future to your life? do you feel there is nothing more for you?

the first two questions indicate a physical imbalance of chemicals. the rest of them indicate that you really truly are emotionally depressed and need to seek help.

i know you don't want your mom to find out, but that's even something that the therapist can help you deal with. your therapist can even mediate a session between you and your mother.

i'm scared to see what will happen if you let this go untreated. please get help, if not for you, then for your family.

shelley j
sigma k

aephi alum · #14 03-25-2003, 10:28 PM

I too would advise you to seek out a professional... but if you don't feel comfortable seeing a professional, there are other options. You can talk to a member of the clergy. If you're in college you can talk to an ombuds, or many schools have peer hotlines that you can call, usually anonymously. It's a good starting point.

Take care.

smiley21 · #15 03-25-2003, 11:28 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by alphaiota
smiley -
here are a few questions:
1. are you having trouble sleeping? or are you sleeping all the time?
2. do you have a loss of appetite? or do you eat all the time?
3. do you sometimes feel like you don't want to even get out of bed ?
4. do you cry at the drop of a hat? (yes, cuz you just said that in your last post)
5. is your life being controlled by your moods?
6. can you see a future to your life? do you feel there is nothing more for you?

shelley j
sigma k

all except #1 describes me. but the thing is i am very obsessive about the control that i have over my life. i know i have to get up everyday. there are certain times that i have to wake up by or my whole day is shot. i leave an hour early for work even though i am fifteen minutes away. i have a fear of being late. everything has to be right. i cannot fail at things that i do at work. it contributes to my bad mood. i have to pass my classes in school or i will never forgive myself. cause i already messed up a lot in that area. i just have to stay in control even when i have no control. i have to make things happen. so i guess my mood does control my life. its the one thing that i have given up on. i just let it take over. on the outside, i try to stay on top, but inside i know that i am a failure.