Question for the ladies

Bro2B · #1 02-02-2003, 03:05 AM

I have a dilemma now. Or more of a question. At any rate, have any of the ladies here liked two guys at once, or been "talking" to two guys at once. If so, how did you resolve the situation and how'd you figure out what to do? I'm just curious because that's the kind of situation that I'm in.

Both me and the girl I like are Greek, and the other guy in question is Greek too (not my fraternity though). I'm older than he is, not that it matters much (he's a soph, I'm a senior). I'm just looking for some responses. The only thing I know about the situation is the other guy just got out of a really long term relationship and if the girl decides to just hang out with him, it's going to cause a lot of drama with her sisters (she's a younger sister) and since I know this guy, I know that she may like him, but he is absolutely in love with one of her older sisters in her chapter. I know she likes both of us, though and she recently said she can't go on like that. Any thoughts, or anecdotes to relate to this situation, ladies?

aedea42 · #2 02-02-2003, 05:18 AM

I've done the whole talking to two guys at once and it's actually kinda confusing because usually one guy gives you what the other doesn't... like one has personality traits that the other doesn't... I basically just sat down and made a pros and cons list for each guy and decided that way... the first time I did that I made an absolutely horrible desicion cuz I shoulda gone with neither guy but the second time I did it I chose the guy that I'm still dating so all you can do is be yourself... if she choses you then great, if not it's not necesarily cuz you are bad you just offer her different things than the other guy did...

justamom · #3 02-02-2003, 10:52 AM

For the moment, just one. Don't let her turn you into her "buddy".
It's a bad sign if she starts telling you all her romantic problems.
I know she likes both of us, though and she recently said she can't go on like that.
Did she say this to you or did you "hear" it?

KappaTarzan · #4 02-02-2003, 01:41 PM

oh man.. trouble. our greek life is so small that when stuff like this happens HUGE drama ensues..
i think for the most part girls are pretty irrational. at least me and my friends are. when we really like someone it is hard to look past other factors that may be detrimental.. i'm not saying we can't, sometimes we can, but it is hard. she willl most likely end up with the one she feels strongest for..

Bro2B · #5 02-03-2003, 01:40 AM

Thanks for the replies.

Justamom - I heard it through the grapevine. I know her big and we are pretty good friends, and she told me what was said.

I'm not falling into that friend situation. We've already hooked up, and I asked her what that means to her - I don't want something that serious and she said she didn't either, but maybe she just doesn't make a big deal out of sex, I think she may have issues, though.

damasa · #6 02-03-2003, 01:47 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Bro2B

I'm not falling into that friend situation. We've already hooked up, and I asked her what that means to her - I don't want something that serious and she said she didn't either, but maybe she just doesn't make a big deal out of sex, I think she may have issues, though.

I'm not knocking you here so let's get that out of the way first.
You say you don't want anything that serious? Come on man, step back a little and let it all sink in, you want something or you at least have feelings (in a way to possibly want something). I know this because otherwise there would have been no purpose for this post. Just look at it from the "big picture."

If you want this girl to like you and you know this other guy, man, you have hella advantage. Give her or offer her things he can't. SELL yourself to her, make her want to be with YOU. Basically, pimp your shit, show her who you are, what you can be, what you want and/or are looking for.

She may like the both of you, but one of you will end up with her, if you want that one to be you, pursue her.

James · #7 02-03-2003, 09:26 PM

I'm just a boy

hi!

LOL.

Anyway, Damasa is right, who are you kidding? Hopefully not yourself.

It doesn't sound good actually. I might be a bit off base here but usually girls like one of the two better. In fact its usually pretty clear as a feeling to them.

Something usually prevents them from closing the deal with the one they like the best so they entertain both . . .

If you want to win the competition, by all means try, you just have to avoid being heavy, be flirty and do date type things while keeping the relaionship as physical as possible. Monopolize her dating time. That will be a key facor in victory.

But ask yourself another question. Why bother? I mean why bother to "get" a girl to like you that also likes someone else, when other girls will like you effortlessly?

When you could spend the energy on an automatically more positive relationship?

Too many girls on the girl tree for that.

I did it once. I took a girl from her 3 or 4 year boy friend. But after I completely won . . . what use did have for her anymore? The point was winning. And that was it.

Keep that in mind ladies, don't make yourself a prize that has to be won. The good hunter will leave.

Bro2B · #8 02-04-2003, 01:11 AM

I guess it's true that I obviously want something. I like her enough to not have to want to fight for her affection. I can sell myself well enough, I'm a scholarship athlete and I'm vice president of my chapter so that says good things about me I guess that I can handle everything I can. I guess the biggest problem is the time crunch. I don't have a lot of time to invest in it.

And like I said before, I know the other guy. He's not a boob or anything, really nice guy, good friend of mine, just kind of airheaded. The only thing he can offer her that I can't is more free time with her. She said she didn't want anything serious, I really don't either. I obviously care, but it's hard to say what I want. Maybe a monogamous booty call? Who knows. I'm a senior though and she's a freshman so she needs to experience what college has to offer. But at first she though I wanted something serious that would settle her down. I think we're starting to understand each other better. I just don't want to compete for someone's affection and I already told her I'm not a consolation prize.

damasa · #9 02-04-2003, 01:17 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Bro2B
I guess it's true that I obviously want something. I like her enough to not have to want to fight for her affection. I can sell myself well enough, I'm a scholarship athlete and I'm vice president of my chapter so that says good things about me I guess that I can handle everything I can. I guess the biggest problem is the time crunch. I don't have a lot of time to invest in it.

And like I said before, I know the other guy. He's not a boob or anything, really nice guy, good friend of mine, just kind of airheaded. The only thing he can offer her that I can't is more free time with her. She said she didn't want anything serious, I really don't either. I obviously care, but it's hard to say what I want. Maybe a monogamous booty call? Who knows. I'm a senior though and she's a freshman so she needs to experience what college has to offer. But at first she though I wanted something serious that would settle her down. I think we're starting to understand each other better. I just don't want to compete for someone's affection and I already told her I'm not a consolation prize.

Don't be the prize man, just be yourself. I'd just let things take course and let whatever happens, happen. If she's a freshman, she might not understand what kind of time contraints people deal with when they get further along in school, but she'll learn.

Other than that, just keep it as it has been and maybe things will change, maybe feelings will become more involved.

White_Chocolate · #10 02-04-2003, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Bro2B
Thanks for the replies.

Justamom - I heard it through the grapevine. I know her big and we are pretty good friends, and she told me what was said.

I'm not falling into that friend situation. We've already hooked up, and I asked her what that means to her - I don't want something that serious and she said she didn't either, but maybe she just doesn't make a big deal out of sex, I think she may have issues, though.

Where do you live? I'll be your 'more than just a friend'. Whoever this girl is lucky that some guy likes her enough to ask the advice of total strangers who are 'suckers for happy endings'.
If she ends up taking the other guy over you, I will gladly start giving you my dating resume'.

James · #11 02-04-2003, 10:08 PM

Dude, you think too much.

Forget about your offices and all that.

You are just a boy asking a girl to like him lol. And the way you do that is by being very good at being a boy. Flirty and engaging. Plus its either there or not.

As far as most of the stuff you have written, well it reads like defensiveness. 'I told her I didn't want anything serious, but I am not sure she likes me enough anyway . . . '

Whatever, shit or get off the pot. Make your moves.

Also, you stipulated you had sex with her already. Thats a pretty good sign.

But again, dude you think WAY too much. And about the wrong things lol.

Go be a boy!

damasa · #12 02-04-2003, 11:26 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James

Go be a boy!

Happing ending no. 1

Bro2B · #13 02-05-2003, 03:03 AM

White Chocolate - thanks. You like Sigma Chi's? Did I happen to mention I'm a scholarship athlete for cheerleading?? So all the guys that responded to this thread - damasa, james, I'm around hot women all the time and acquit myself nicely! I bet you didn't see that one coming. Yes, I'm a national champion as well. LOL

Yes, I am a Sig. I do think about things too much, overanalyze, etc etc.

The decision I made was to make the decision for her. I said have a great time with the other guy and that I was just walking away from the situation. My roommate, who dates one of her sorority sisters, told me from the beginning, "Hey, just hit it and quit it."

And that's what ultimately happened!

I guess we learn something, even when we're 22 and we think we're starting to figure more of this life out.

Holla! Anybody want to spit some rhymes??

justamom · #14 02-05-2003, 08:20 AM

You're a Sigma Chi? So is my Hubby. You get an automatic 10 points right off the bat!

I think, if you are in life as you are in your writing, you have a level head and other qualities women find attractive.

What I liked the most was how you spoke of the "other" guy.
No put-downs or below the belt punches. Lots of women out there looking for those qualities.

You WILL find one (heck, more than ONE!) Be gentle!

James · #15 02-05-2003, 10:20 PM

Not getting the girl by any other name, is still not getting the girl.