Need Some Sisterly Advice!!

VSUPhiMu · #1 01-27-2003, 08:52 PM

OK, so I need ya'lls help. I told ya'll I was getting married, right? OK, well, my parents are more than happy to shell out all the money ya'll know it costs to have a nice wedding, but my future inlaws REFUSE to pay around $600 to have our rehearsal dinner. Needless to say, I'm a little angry.

My boyfriend says that they just don't have the money, but I think that if they saved even $25 a week that they could have it by September! I mean, it's NOTHING compared to what my parents have to spend. Also, Jason has paid for the rings and honeymoon and everything else on his own. He has a very damaged relationship with his parents but will still live in their home until we're married. I just think that it's something that, traditionally, parents take care of as a gesture towards their son.

So, be honest...am I asking too much? Do ya'll think that my parents should just pay for it to keep the peace? I'm in need of advice! PLEASE be honest with me so I can know if I'm overreacting.

phimugirlie01 · #2 01-27-2003, 09:30 PM

I DEFINITELY don't think you're overreacting!!! Your parents are paying for a nice wedding and your fiancee is paying for the honeymoon, etc. It is traditional that the groom's parents pay for the rehearsal dinner, and I think it's awful that they are putting up such a stink about it.

However, it is a very sticky situation considering they will be your inlaws and you will have to deal with them in one way or another for the rest of your life. I think you should sit down with them and talk to them about it. Let on (not directly) the cost the wedding is going to be for your parents. If it seems like they are not having the $600 price ticket, ask tham what they can afford. Then, if your parents are willing, have tham foot the rest.

Hope everything else goes smoothly in the wedding planning process!!!
LIOB
Miegan

lionlove · #3 01-27-2003, 11:32 PM

When my cousin got married, his wife's family could not afford to help out too much financially so my aunt and uncle agreed to help out more and the wife's family pitched in where they could. It took some compromise but they made it work.

Find out what your fiance's parents are willing to pay for. Maybe they can't afford the whole dinner but can afford the desert or wine or part of the dinner.

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #4 01-30-2003, 02:04 AM

Honey, I can understand why you're upset.

But bottom line, this is a gift they're giving you. Not a requirement. You can't make them pay for the rehersal dinner, and trying to make them will just damage your relationship with them further.

Jason knows what this means to you, and to him and the wedding. If he finds a way to introduce this in conversation with them somehow, then that's one thing -- but to fuss over it will cover up the fact that you're a high class, sophisticated girl with her priorities on straight. Be sugar sweet with them, kill 'em with kindness, whatever you need to do -- be the Phi Mu lady you are. I'm absolutely positive they'll come around -- after all, Jason was lucky enough to get you. What's not to thank God for?

VSUPhiMu · #5 01-30-2003, 09:19 PM

Thanks for all the advice, ya'll! I really appreciate it. For the update...Jason promises me that they will pay for it, but I'm prepared to do it myself it they don't. I just can't ask my parents to do any more than they already have.

I think it bothers me more that they refuse to even talk about it than just admit they can't. Jason is closer to my own parents than his because they're relationship is just so damaged. But I will always remember that nothing is worth damaging our own relationship! And I am a lady, so it's best not to make an a** out of myself in the process!!

CardinalSM · #6 01-31-2003, 03:30 AM

I was just reading through here, since a lot of my good friends are Phi Mus, and I noticed this thread and started to read it. Then it just blew me away how classy you ladies are in how you would handle the situation. Y'all impressed my socks off. I am proud to be friends with women who are sisters in such a classy organization that you ladies represent so well. Sorry to jump in your thread.

Greek and Panhellenic Love,
CardinalSM

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #7 02-05-2003, 02:09 AM

Awww, honey, thank you! It takes classy to know classy, though, you know.

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #8 02-21-2003, 01:54 AM

update?

VSUPhiMu · #9 02-21-2003, 06:06 PM

OK...the latest is that she's agreed to pay for her family and his attendants only. I'll pay for my side of it and the minister, etc. along with flowers and invitations for everyone invited. I almost would rather her pay for nothing because atleast then she could claim they can't afford it, even though we all know they can.

My parents are so upset because they feel like it's "US vs. THEM," which I think has hurt their feelings. We really wanted for everyone to get aloong, but I think that we might just live in two different worlds! Jason is the most angry and is trying to figure out some way to pay for it all plus the rings and honeymoon, but I just don't see that happening. I think my parents would rather pay hoping they feel bad for being so rude about it, and his mother has been very rude!

I have tried my best to be nice to ignore the whole situation and to be a lady, but I can't say it's been easy! Sometimes I want to yell at her and tell her to grow up, but that's not my place or my job. I can't figure out if I'm just super angry or just really hurt, but it doesn't matter because I win in the end. I'll come out of this entire wedding situation happy, and that's what counts!! I'm only getting married once, so I'm going to have as much fun as I can while I plan it!

Thanks for all the advice!

pinkyphimu · #10 02-21-2003, 11:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by VSUPhiMu

I can't figure out if I'm just super angry or just really hurt, but it doesn't matter because I win in the end. I'll come out of this entire wedding situation happy, and that's what counts!! I'm only getting married once, so I'm going to have as much fun as I can while I plan it!

Thanks for all the advice!

i am so proud to hear this!!!!! it is very easy to get caught up in the details, but the reality is that you and jason love each other and are starting a new life together! hurray!!! have fun and know that you probably won't even remember this at your 50th wedding anniversary!

how are the other plans coming???

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #11 02-22-2003, 04:14 AM

what do the rings look like?

VSUPhiMu · #12 02-22-2003, 02:24 PM

We haven't gotten to pick out wedding rings yet, but my engagement ring is three round stones set in platinum. The outside two stones were earrings that my grandfather gave to my grandma on their 25th anniversary, so it's extra special. I want an eternity band with round diamonds to go with it, but we'll see!