unhappy

[greek4me]

Hey!

I'm a Phi Sigma (i dont' want to say what school i'm at cause i know several greeks from my school who are on this page). Our chapter double it's size this semester, which by national and our greek community standrads is good, but i honestly feel our chapter has gotten weaker!!!! we are alway backstabbbing each other. If someone has a problem with a sister, INSTEAD of going to them about it they will go to the whole chapter and try to turn the whole chapter against them!! i'm the oldest in age and next year i will be the oldest by class. Our chapter was too busy giving Bids out that we didn't look at the women who we gave them too!! i know that sounds bad, but even some of the newest sisters feel that way!!! Like an example of somethign that happen a week ago we had an unoffical event, and not all the chapter was invited, but two of us got yelled at cause we didn't not show up!! i'm sorry but it was not on the calendar and they changed the day of the event several times. (in our chapter UNLESS it is a voted calendar event it is not mandorty) I just don't understand how they can get mad are two of us when we had four required events this week. i'm one of those people who gets sick of people if i see them too much I"m sorry but i do have friends outside the sorority and greeklife that i want to see! ( i feel that the sisters who got mad are the ones who really dont' have a life outside of sorority) And then one of the sisters wants to have charity event the weekend of my b-day! i was planning on getting an house at the beach and have my close friends and my 3 littles come But if we have it then i'm not able to havemy littles come cause they need the whole chapter at it, and i will get an unexcused!!! it was not on the calendar and i knew about my b-day weekend for a year.
I love Phi Sigma national and i love my sisters at other schools, but i am just tired of my sisters here!!!! i feel like i'm in high school again!
HELP!!!

[phisig4life]

It's sad that your feeling unhappy with your chapter..perhaps you should propose a phi sig retreat and try and get back the feelings of sisterhood that made you want to go phi sig in the first place. There must be a reason you had such a successful recruitment, maybe you just need to remember what that was. Keep in mind for next recruitment that sometimes you need to go Quality over Quantity.

Litp and good luck hope things get better

[MooseGirl]

Originally posted by greek4me
Hey!
I'm a Phi Sigma (i dont' want to say what school i'm at cause i know several greeks from my school who are on this page).

Hey there, First, I just wanted to point out that with all the details you've given, I'm sure your chapter sisters will know what chapter you're talking about if they come on here. There are many ppl who just read posts, rather than post themselves.

Originally posted by greek4me

i'm sorry but it was not on the calendar and they changed the day of the event several times. (in our chapter UNLESS it is a voted calendar event it is not mandorty) I just don't understand how they can get mad are two of us when we had four required events this week I love Phi Sigma national and i love my sisters at other schools, but i am just tired of my sisters here!!!! i feel like i'm in high school again!
HELP!!!

I would take this up with your MAL, because you're right...if it's not mandatory, and not even the entire chapter was invited, there's no way they can hold you responsible for not showing up! That's just ludicrous...and it sounds like your eboard and ecouncil should look over the calendar again! 4 REQUIRED events in one week is a lot! Maybe if you are doing recruitment i can understand that many, but with school, work, sorority and other activities, that can get to be too much!

My advice is to bring this up with your chapter - that is in regards to the event calendar...they need to make it clear again what is required...

as for your b-day, I'm short on advice....it sucks when your birthday falls on a sorority event....I had to go to chapter meeting on my bday once when i was Archon, and less than half the chapter showed up...pissed me off that I had to be there on my bday but they didn't care to show up (I've never let them down on that one, so last year we had a big shingding so i forgive em). Birthdays come every year, so I'd say go to the beach next year(or maybe the next week?) (ok i know this is not good advice, but it's what i would've done)

[phisigduchesscv]

If you truly think the situation in the chapter is bad maybe you need to approach the advisor and ask her to facilitate a pass the gavel or fireside. If you're not familiar with that you all sit in a circle and only one sister can speak at a time about anything, good or bad essentially no holds barred just be respectful. Whatever is said stays in the room and if a sister wasn't present she isn't to find out about what is said. Again only the one person can speak - if its pass the gavel only the person with the gavel can speak so if someone wants to comment they have to wait until they get the gavel. If its a fireside you just raise your hand and wait for the facilitator to call on you. The requirements of speaking are that all statements must be I statements - not you or the chapter does or feels such and such - only I feel, think, want, etc. You must be respectful throughout the event. We've used both pass the gavel and a fireside and I think both have helped the chapter.

As for your birthday, one question, did you ever tell the chapter (not just one or two sisters) you were planning the party at the beach house? If you did and they still planned this event that is messed up. If you didn't tell them then maybe you need to talk to eboard about it and see if they can change the date etc.

Regarding the overprogramming by having four mandatory events in a week (unless its recruitment) you seriously need to have a talk with eboard and your advisor. The chapter calendar needs to be looked at and adjusted better. We got a new advisor this past semester and its been a godsend for us. We were so overprogrammed with "mandatory" events that all of us were burnt out. We just had a chapter retreat and revised our calendar so not all events are mandatory but we do have a lot of events that are scheduled that are points events. As long as you maintain a minimum set of points per month you're okay and you don't have to attend every event although if you can make it all the better. You can pm PhiSigScooby and she can give you more information about how the new points system is working for us.

Don't give up on your chapter.

[SapphireSphinx9]

I'm totally in agreement with Carolyn (phisigduchesscv) on the fireside, or pass the gavel.

We had a pass the gavel the semester after we were founded... And boy did we need it. It gives everyone a chance to say something, whether it's positive or negative. Some might say something to the effect of, "I think that sister so-and-so is a true sister, when I called her last night at 3:30 in the morning, because my car broke down, she got up and came to help me out!" or "I believe that our committee chairs need to be more assertive and considerate of the chapters needs for planning events." Whatever needs to be said...

Pretty much the same goes for a fireside. The only difference (like carolyn said) is that you raise your hand. I personally like this method better (as we had one this weekend...) because when you speak on a topic, everyone will still have it fresh in their heads to respond to it... With pass the gavel, they'll have to wait until the gavel comes to them.

But no matter if you do these or not, I believe that you really need to speak to your e-board and/or your advisor.

And just so you know, I felt the same way you do now, just a few days ago... But since we had our fireside this weekend, I've changed my opinion about a lot.

So I wish you luck, and know that we're here for you!

LITP~Beth