non-greek girl seeking enlightenment

[MsDTD]

Ok. So my boyfriend is DTD, and I'm non-greek.
Now that you're caught up, someone enlighten me! Fast!
We've been together for a while, so I'm about as familiar as it gets without actually being a brother. And I was always vaguely familiar with the whole concept of lavaliering...but for Christmas, he lavaliered me (aw), and now I want to know more, i.e. privileges, rules, meaning/history, significance, what it is to "deserve" the lavalier, is it true that I'm virtually "am a brother" now, and anything about the infamous "curse of the lavaliere." (Anyone familiar with the DTD-specific rules, etc. of lavaliering, this is your cue.) And enlightenment from non-delts is definitely welcome, as well!

Thanks in advance, guys,

[HiWhatsUp]

hmm good question.. i would love to learn more about this too...

[kddani]

Lavaliering doesn't mean that you're "virtually a brother," at least that i've ever heard of. Do a search on lavaliering, you'll find it's been discussed MANY times.

Basically it's like a pre-engagement. Usually goes lavaliering, pinning, engagement. Although pinning isn't used as much. It symbolizes more the relationship between you and your BF than you and the fraternity.

They're not going to tell you any secrets or anything. Of course if you want to find out a lot about the history, etc. most of that is not ritual and all you have to do is ask them and i'm sure they'll provide you with the info. They'd probably find it quite flattering that you wanted to learn more about their history.

But you're not "entitled" or "priviledged" to anything.... besides your boyfriend's love and affection, of course. And hopefully some amount of respect from the rest of the house, but of course that can't be guaranteed. Some guys get a little POed when one of their brothers lavaliers a girl. Actually in some houses the guy doing the lavaliering gets a lot of crap about it. At least that i've seen firsthand.

Good luck to you and your boy.

[MoxieGrrl]

The symbolism of lavaliering is pretty much like kddani said - it's a pre-engagement deal.

Although I wasn't a "brother" once I was lavaliered, I did get a lot more respect than just the average girlfriend in the house. Hey, the pledges stood up for me when I walked in a room. How cool is that?

Congrats on your lavalier! DTD is a great organization

[DeltAlum]

Originally posted by kddani
Lavaliering doesn't mean that you're "virtually a brother," at least that i've ever heard of. Do a search on lavaliering, you'll find it's been discussed MANY times.

Basically it's like a pre-engagement. Usually goes lavaliering, pinning, engagement. Although pinning isn't used as much. It symbolizes more the relationship between you and your BF than you and the fraternity.

They're not going to tell you any secrets or anything. Of course if you want to find out a lot about the history, etc. most of that is not ritual and all you have to do is ask them and i'm sure they'll provide you with the info. They'd probably find it quite flattering that you wanted to learn more about their history.

I think KDDani has pretty much hit it right on the nose. Below is a quote from "Greek 101" on www.delts.org, our international's web page. You can find out just about anything about the fraternity that is not secret on that page. And I, for one, certainly agree with her that it is very flattering when someone takes an interest in our history. It's rich, and I think pretty impressive.

The quote:

"Lavaliere - When a member of the fraternity gives a Greek letter charm which bears the Greek letters of his fraternity to a sorority woman."

The only thing I would take issue with is that you absolutely DON'T have to be a sorority woman. Even back in the 60's, I lavaliered the woman who is my wife, and she is/was an independent.

The rules seem different from chapter to chapter. Some don't seem to even understand the term "pinning," and the lavaliere has sort of replaced that in some places.

A couple of other rules from my earlier years are that a pledge could lavaliere someone, but only an active could pin a woman. I think that the reason for that is obvious -- the pledge isn't an initiated member, and really doesn't have any rights to the official badge or the symbols it represents (which he doesn't yet understand) -- and, thus, can't really share them with anyone from outside the Fraternity. (that sounds a little harsh, but I can think of how to say it better -- maybe I'll come up with better verbage and come back to edit later)

And as Moxiegirl says:

"Hey, the pledges stood up for me when I walked in a room. How cool is that?"

Good for them, Moxie, the actives should, too. Nice to see that chivilry is only partly dead. And thanks for the kind words about Delt!

[MsDTD]

Thanks to all the people who responded!
I am so thoroughly impressed by greek-chat.
How cool.

Thanks especially to DeltAlum.
I love Delts--they rock my world, and you are no exception.
DTD is by far my favorite frat. Ever.

Anyhoo, it's so nice to know that there's a place where I can find answers about the greek system.

Talk to y'all later!

[DeltAlum]

Geez MsDTD,

Where you you 35 years ago? Just kidding, of course (my lavallier-mate/wife turned out pretty well).

Thanks again for the kind words.

I almost forgot to say congratulations to my Brother Delt who, it appears, has a pretty neat lavaliermate.

[filabeaner]

the term "lavallier" was throwing me off at first. i believe my chapter calls it "dropping" since you would give a woman a drop with tthe letters on it. our term has led to confusion in the past though. when someone says, "John Doe dropped Jane Doe." people get surprised thinking that he dumped her when it was really this cool ceremony that i'm sad to say i've only seen once.


ryan

[MsDTD]

DeltAlum--

I'll pass along the congratulatory word.
Also, just curious of which chapter you're an alum!

Thanks again.

[Blue Violet]

..and he's not afraid to let his brothers know it. He could have bought you a really pretty necklace for x-mas and still pretend to be a "playa" in front of the boys. But when a college guy puts his frat letters on his girl-everyone knows she belongs to so and so. Its a way to tell the world you're his and he's yours-as far as college life goes. In high school you wear your boyfriends letter jacket or jersey or class ring. In college-you get lavaliered. Now if he pins you (gives you his frat pin to wear-which I believe is not allowed at most houses nowadays) it's like a pre engangement thing-but usually it just means he knows you want to get engaged and he's buying time! But lavaliering is very special. Enjoy it and wear it!

[DeltAlum]

Originally posted by MsDTD
Also, just curious which chapter you're an alum!

Beta Chapter at Ohio University. Oldest continuously active chapter in the Fraternity.