move in with the boyfriend?

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #1 01-08-2003, 12:33 AM

Y'all, I could use some impartial advice.

The boyfriend suggested getting a one-bedroom together next year. We'll both be 22 and have been together a little over a year and a half.

Good idea? Or bad? My biggest thing has been what if we end up not wanting to be together -- while I don't anticipate things getting ugly, judging from the conflict resolution I've seen in the last 6 months, it'd still be rough.

fire1977 · #2 01-08-2003, 12:41 AM

Go for two bedrooms, that way you have separate space if things don't work out. (Even if it is unpleasant, you wouldn't totally be invading each others space)

Personally after my experience, I would search for a place with 2 bathrooms instead!!!

Dionysus · #3 01-08-2003, 12:56 AM

I'm not for girlfriends and boyfriends living together, because they will have NOTHING to look forward to...if they marry. Save the best for last.

astroAPhi · #4 01-08-2003, 01:16 AM

You mentioned there's been some conflict lately. While you have been together a long time and don't forsee any problems, maybe at this point it's best to have separate living areas so you can get away from each other if you need to.

deltaphi94 · #5 01-08-2003, 01:40 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by astroAPhi
You mentioned there's been some conflict lately. While you have been together a long time and don't forsee any problems, maybe at this point it's best to have separate living areas so you can get away from each other if you need to.

I totally agree with this post. I, personally, wouldn't share living space with a boyfriend. Been there, done that. Things were good at first, but it turned ugly pretty fast. I'm not saying that will happen to you, but if it's rocky now, moving in together will not make it any easier.

DeltAlum · #6 01-08-2003, 02:13 AM

Sage advice, these last two. If there are problems or potential problems now, moving in together may only make them worse.

In some ways it's like having a baby to try to save a failing marriage. Extra stress is not the best medicine.

Peaches-n-Cream · #7 01-08-2003, 04:09 AM

I think that you should not live together. I have seen situations that have ended very badly. I think that at your age you should take things one step at a time. You each should build a life and identity for yourself before you try to live together. You are in no rush.
Good luck whatever you decide to do.

KSig RC · #8 01-08-2003, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by HotDamnImAPhiMu
Y'all, I could use some impartial advice.

The boyfriend suggested getting a one-bedroom together next year. We'll both be 22 and have been together a little over a year and a half.

Good idea? Or bad? My biggest thing has been what if we end up not wanting to be together -- while I don't anticipate things getting ugly, judging from the conflict resolution I've seen in the last 6 months, it'd still be rough.

Hey duder, you seem like a really cool girl, but even then I wouldn't want to live with you . . . PS you answered your question in the original post

it's a great idea, if you want to be dicked out of any options for a living arrangement - think about it dude, you're still relatively young . . .

KSigkid · #9 01-08-2003, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by HotDamnImAPhiMu
Y'all, I could use some impartial advice.

The boyfriend suggested getting a one-bedroom together next year. We'll both be 22 and have been together a little over a year and a half.

Good idea? Or bad? My biggest thing has been what if we end up not wanting to be together -- while I don't anticipate things getting ugly, judging from the conflict resolution I've seen in the last 6 months, it'd still be rough.

Living together magnifies the good things and the bad things about the relationship...so if you see small problems now, they could turn into large ones after a while. It's a good way to figure out whether you actually should be with each other, but it could be a hell of a painful way to find out.

I basically lived with my girlfriend for most of last summer do to a few issues at my summer sublet (there was a huge infestation problem and i needed to get my stuff the hell out of there), and it ended up working out well, our relationship turned out better in the end than it had been before the situation

However, I know that in 9 times out of 10 at our age (I'm 21), those situations blow up in people's faces.

White_Chocolate · #10 01-08-2003, 10:27 AM

i think living together is a crutch. why don't you do what i do. . .make the boyfriend get an apartment and you just go over when you feel like it. sooner or later, all of your stuff will be there but you still have the freedom to leave whenever you get ready.

so many of my friends live with their boyfriends and then marry them. . .and now they say that they wish that they wouldn't have done that because they missed out on a lot of 'me' time.

When it comes to sorority life, there is no other way. . .PHI SIGMA SIGMA

33girl · #11 01-08-2003, 11:26 AM

Just say NO!!!!! I'm waaaay older than you, have been w/ Mr. 33 for 6 years and we still don't live together, and won't unless we are married.

One of my sisters went through a really ugly breakup with her live-in boyfriend - and they had to keep living together cause they were both on the lease & neither of them had the $$$ to get out of it. Talk about hell.

Unless you are engaged, I would say living together can wait.

AchtungBaby80 · #12 01-08-2003, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by HotDamnImAPhiMu
Good idea? Or bad?

Bad idea. Hold out for the rock.

#13 01-08-2003, 11:52 AM

Just thought I'd throw in a few encouraging words for you from someone for whom it has worked

I'm 23 and live with my 25 year old boyfriend, and we couldn't be happier. If anything, it has caused us to realize that we DO want to spend the rest of our lives together, and it's hard for either of us to imagine living apart again. We are talking of getting engaged in the near future (as soon as his work situation permits).

Also, two of our friends who are slightly younger (25 and 21) have lived together for quite sometime, and their wedding is coming up in just a few months

Only the two of you can really decide whether it's right for you. I know I was nervous when I moved in, wondering if he would never want to get married if I lived there, or what would happen if we break up. I suggest that if you do do it, have a second bedroom, even if you don't use it. I have "my own room" in our house, and it's great for when I need to get away and have my own little girly space.

Good luck to you, and let us know what you decide!

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #14 01-08-2003, 05:07 PM

Thanks Ginger :-)

We're not fighting, guys! Just that, yes, in the last 6 months, *occasionally* there have been arguments, and I noted with pleasure that the arguments didn't get nasty, didn't escalate to name calling or bringing up stuff from way before or involve the throwing of food.

This would actually be mainly a financial decision (well, partly.) I need a roommate for next year, he needs a roommate, we get along well. His MOM even (shock registering for anyone here?) suggested we get a 2 bedroom together.

I had the same misgivings -- I won't have enough room to myself if we have a 1 bedroom, and if things get bad I can't get away.

Good to hear what everyone thinks!

aephi alum · #15 01-08-2003, 08:57 PM

I'd go for a two-bedroom - that way, you have some space.

If there's been some conflict in your relationship - well, every relationship has some conflict. Only you can judge if things fall into that category or if there are some deeper issues. If there are deeper issues, resolve them first - but it sounds like this is just normal friction.

I have another "living together at a young age" success story to contribute - I moved in with my now-husband when I was 21 and he was 22 - and if I had it to do over, I would in a second. I should note, though, that we were engaged.