Speaking of Gatherings...

[AKAtude]

My husband and I hosted a Labor Day weekend cookout. We sent invitations to our families and friends. We noted on the invitations that all food and beverages would be provided by the hosts.

When our guests got their invitations, we got call after call from folks who couldn't believe we were providing everything. Even thought we told them nothing was needed, some people felt so uncomfortable showing up empty-handed that they brought something anyway.

We have been invited to parties, cookouts, dinners, etc and have either been told what to bring or asked to bring something. It seems as though this is the norm these days. However, I refuse to be "told" what to bring to someone else's gathering. I've spoken to other people who say they always seem to get stuck brining the more expensive items.

I'm just curious to know how other people feel about these situations and how gatherings are done elsewhere.

[ladygreek]

I, too, provide everything when I host a gathering except if the guests do not want to settle for pop, wine and beer then they are to bring their own beverage. But I have noticed that it depends on the size and type of party whether it is potluck or not. Smaller, intimate gatherings tend not to be, but larger "everybody is welcomed" gatherings tend to be.

[Steeltrap]

If it specifies on the invite that I'm not to provide anything, I don't. This evening, I am hosting a gathering at one of my line sister's house (we have a pit bull and I don't want my guests to feel creeped out), and it is a pot luck. I'm providing paper goods, some soda, some sparkling cider. No alcohol -- I don't roll in that kind of money.

[RedefinedDiva]

My kind of party is one in which I don't have to bring anything!

As for me, if I am the host then I feel that I should provide food, refreshments, etc. I never "require" anyone to bring anything, however, I wouldn't feel bad if someone showed up with something. If one of my friends or family is having a party, I may bring a bottle of wine, cake, brownies, or something that I have made (I like to show off my baking and cooking skills ) that I think everyone will enjoy. It's done out of love.

I feel that it is in poor taste and etiquette to require someone to bring something to an event that they are hosting. I feel that the only time that it's cool is if I know that my girl can throw down on some deviled eggs and I ask her to make a batch for me. Then again, being the person that I am, I'd probably just ask for the recipe. In our family, someone specializes in one or more things, so they'll make their dish and bring it (pot luck), however, the family member that hosts the event usually makes the bulk of the meal and everyone just brings things to add on.

Simply put: Don't invite me to a barbecue and tell me that I have to bring the ribs. You host, you buy.

[1savvydiva]

Hey ladies,
Well, I was coming to post on the HC thread about some specifics, but I saw this thread. I had a little "get together" at my crib last night. I provided everything, we actually had too much stuff. We had a full menu: meatballs, smokies, hot wings, finger sandwiches, chicken finger platter, chips, dip, cake, soda, beer, wine, mixed drinks, etc... I think everyone had a good time, I actually only spent about $100 (well probably not that much, one of my best friends bought some icehouse, and a big bottle of parrot bay), but I have been planning for a while. I was very happy with the reception, and I find that if you provide free food and drinks, EVERYBODY is more inclined to help clean up!!! My house was cleaner when everybody left than it was when they came!

But back to the original question, yes, some of my friends kept asking "Are you sure you don't want me to bring anything, I feel kinda bad for eating and not bringing anything!" I can respect that, but for this particular instance, I knew that I just wanted everyone to have fun before we start next semester, and I know that as soon as you say, BYOB, BYOF, the guest list starts to dwindle!

[AKA2D '91]

Originally posted by AKAtude
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I'm just curious to know how other people feel about these situations and how gatherings are done elsewhere.

I hate it! When I'm invited to a gathering, I usually bring something even if it isn't required. (I have learned not to do that with CERATAIN people) It's something that my momma always taught me. But, I HATE it when someone says "I'm having a party and I want you to bring..." WTH?

Then, don't let them get a DJ and have the audacity to go around asking folks to put in for the music, then a couple more hours.

When I have something, I do EVERYTHING myself, all folks have to do is come.

I'm like RD, if you host...YOU PAY!

UNLESS...the event was established by all parties as a "pot luck". If someone comes to the "pot luck" and doesn't bring a pot or the luck...I'm too.

[Miss. Mocha]

AKA2D, "a pot or the luck?" That was WAY cute!!! In the words of Ideal08, "Oh , the hilarity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I'm over here rolling!