what's the funniest thing you've ever heard a drunk person say?

OUlioness01 · #1 11-21-2002, 01:45 AM

We've all heard some pretty random things come out of drunk people's mouth. Some of them have been competely bizzare, and some have been absolutely hysterical. i don't know if there is already a thread about this, but what is thw funniest thing that you're ever heard a drunk person say??

my friend announced once that he "Smelled like a sexy orchard"!

DeltaSigStan · #2 11-21-2002, 01:59 AM

On Halloween, one of my bros and I were walking back from Dominos Pizza when we saw a cute Filipino girl dressed as an Angel coming the opposite way. My bro, being REALLY drunk said:

"I must be in Heaven cuz I see an Angel!"

And he said it in the normal whiny drunk voice. As lame a pick up line as it already is, it's even funnier when she actually is dressed as an angel.

My response:

"Dude, that was the lamest thing I've ever heard another human being say."

DRau · #3 11-21-2002, 02:14 AM

While watching Bravehart after a long night....

"I took Barbarian in high school. They taught three languages: Spanish, French, and Barbarian."

(yeah, Bravehart=Barbarian? We didn't get it either....)

Shine · #4 11-21-2002, 02:43 AM

I was at a bar one night, attempting to coexist with this girl I HATE. I was avoiding her pretty well until she walked past me, and tripped really bad. She says to me as an attempt at an insult, I guess...

"Skip you, drunk biatch."

I just craked up laughing, as did all the people around us.

LOL!

ADPi~Ally · #5 11-21-2002, 02:55 AM

This was my funny drunk saying

My sisters and I was hanging out and drinkin at our brother fraternity on a Saturday night. Sometime I get lovable. So I was saying to my sister, I love ya. She said what r we gonna do with u Ally? I said you can love me or flush me down the toilet complete with hand actions................

Hootie · #6 11-21-2002, 02:59 AM

I was intoxicated once at a party where we were discussing alternative names for certain parts (uhem). Anyways (now I feel stupid LOL), for some reason I just started saying stuff like:

"Twatever"

"Twatdo I owe this pleasure?" (To what do I owe this pleasure?)

All my friends were laughing histerically because if you know me, you'd know I don't every say stuff like that. As a matter of fact I generally blush when the topic of sex comes up. Needless to say, it made for an entertaining evening.

Peaches-n-Cream · #7 11-21-2002, 03:41 AM

Drunk guy to another drunk guy about me, "Check her out. Her hair and her eyes are the same exact color!"

Second drunk guy replies, "Her hair and her eyes and her freckles are the same exact color!"

FAB*SpiceySpice · #8 11-21-2002, 03:47 AM

I once overheard one of my sisters at a FIJI party saying that if she had a d*ck she'd want to be a FIJI. I spit my drink out when I heard her say that b/c it came out of absolutely nowhere! I guess that's what I get for eavesdropping huh?

AOX81 · #9 11-21-2002, 09:10 AM

The night before we were leaving to go on Spring Break a few of my friends stayed the night at our townhouse. My sorority sister/roommate (Susan), who decided not to go to Cancun, decided she was going to go out to a bar and get completely shitfaced with another one of our sorority sisters.

We had to leave for the airport around 4am. Around 3am she comes rolling in and she wasn't very quiet. My friend (Jen) and her boyfriend (Dan) were sleeping on a couch in my living room and one of my sorority sisters (Kim) was sleeping on another couch.

I don't remember what was said to initiate her response but my drunk roommate said, "you gotta be fucking Jen!" Kim says, "I hope not because I'm on the other couch." That was two years ago and we still tease her about it almost everytime we see her.

I'll have to remember to bring that up this weekend

AOX81 · #10 11-21-2002, 09:13 AM

I just thought of another one. Same drunk girl from the last story. She was hugging a boyfriend of one of our sorority sisters and he picked her up off the ground. She yells, "look guys, I'm pickupable!" It was funny to us, I guess you had to be there.

DWAlphaGam · #11 11-21-2002, 01:17 PM

One time, a drunk friend of mine was at Wawa, and she told the guy making her hoagie, "Wow, you're really good at that. Did you go to sandwich school or something?" It was rather amusing.

AXOLiz · #12 11-21-2002, 01:31 PM

My friend and I were at Browns stadium for the Browns/Steelers game, which, for those of you don't know, is more of a drunkfest than usual due to the rivalry. You seriously have to go to understand how INSANE it is. To make matters more interesting, our seats were in the Dawg Pound, which is the craziest place to be in the stadium.

So there we are, two sweet, quiet girls from Cleveland in the Dawg Pound by ourselves with a bunch of rowdy, drunk men. It was actually pretty nice - all the guys around us watched out for us and escorted us everywhere (who said chivalry was dead?) even though we were fine on our own.

So the game progresses, the Browns start sucking hardcore like they normally manage to do, and my friend and I get drunker. My friend, for the record, is this little 5'3" redhead who looks like she's sweet and innocent and about 12 years old. Anyhow, at a key point in the game, my drunk friend decides to SCREAM:

"IF I HAD A DICK, I WOULDN'T EVEN LET PITTSBURGH SUCK IT!!!"

The drunk guys all shut up and looked at her with their mouths hanging open. They were shocked, and I was, of course, laughing my ass off.

When you can shock Browns fans at the Steelers game, you know you're having a good time.

Another drunk Browns fan told me, "No offense, but with your eyes...you look like Boy George. NO! I meant you're hot! Ok, so he's a guy, but DAMN!"

33girl · #13 11-21-2002, 01:43 PM

OK, since Hootie told a story on herself so will I.

Apparently after a night of debauch, I was laying on the couch half asleep and said to the girls who were checking on my state, "Where's the paper towel? I have to pee." I have NO IDEA what this was about.

adduncan · #14 11-21-2002, 02:11 PM

OK, here's one that's close--not what was said while drunk, but how a lady handled a drunk.

Back in my BU days, I had an acquaintance who was a TKE Sweetheart. Coincidentally, she had part of her leg removed as a child due to cancer and wore a prosthetic. This was a very high-end piece of work: she had interchangeable feet that she wore with different kinds of shoes. (One for pumps, one for sneakers, etc). Unless she showed you the leg attachment, or you bumped into it, you'd never know this leg was fake.

She was at a party one night and a drunk dunce from a rival fraternity was hitting on her. He wasn't puking and passing out, but he was enebriated beyond reason as he didn't notice the big white "TKE" on her shirt, nor did he understand the concept of "NO!"

Now, since verbal refusals were not being understood, she took a more direct approach. She handed her drink to her friend, reached down, unscrewed the prosthetic foot from her leg, and smacked the offender across the face with it. (The most beautiful arching backhand I have ever seen.) Then calmly screws it back on, retrieves her drink, and strolls away.

Needless to say, this lady never had an issue with drunks or with unwelcome advances again.

Sorry for the slight tangent, but I thought you'd enjoy it.
Adrienne

librasoul22 · #15 11-21-2002, 02:50 PM

One time me and a few of my friends were drunk at like 3 in the morning. I got hungry (as I usually do when drunk) and wanted to get some food. The only places open were Subway, Guthries (people in FL know...), and the convience stores. So we drove to Guthries which has a small grassy hill in the back by the drive thru. There was this chick sitting on the grass wearing a tiara (don't ask, cause I don't know, lol). One of the guys in the car with me leaned out and said "Hey pretty princess, why are you perched on the hill? You think you're too good for everyone else??"

lol...hilarious at the time, but after re-reading it is just WAY random, lol.

Another late night drunk moment, me and some friends were walking to get some food when we encountered a homeless man named J.J. He was clearly on something, but told us that he would read us a poem if we bought him some food. So I told him, go ahead.

So he reads us some poem about crack addiction. Yeah, lol. So I snap like I am at a coffee house or something, lol, and told him it was great poem...from here on out, I called him Poetic Justice. So we tried to go into this fast food place, but it was late and only the drive thru was open. I wanted my friends to join me and run through the drive through in the formation of wheels on a car, hoping to trigger it, but they refused, lol.

So instead, we went to a convience store and I told J.J. aka Poetic Justice that he could have whatever he wanted. He got some Newports, some milk, and thanked me. lol.

So, yeah, getting drunk with me means that you will have the oddest, most random night ever, lol.

Some of y'alls quotes are TOO funny!!!! I like this thread.