Has this happened to anyone else?

UNFSigmaChi · #1 06-17-2002, 11:59 PM

When I see my pledges through initiation in Sept. i'll be done with my office and will pretty much just be an active brother who comes to chapters and stuff because i'll be graduating soon. But since elections this last spring, it seems as if none of the new officers(a lot of them are younger guys in the chapter which is exciting) dont listen to anything i say in advice to help them to understand what doesn't work due to my past 4 years experience. They just totally blow me off and more or less tell me that i don't know what im talking about...almost as if im a NIB. I understand they need to learn some stuff on their own, but im also like, hey im the old guy here and i know whats up so you should really listen to what im saying....but they dont. Its like what i say isn't important or worth much. Its REALLY frustrating and i wanna just say,"Hey told ya so guys," but i don't wanna start a huge rift either. Have any of you had this happen and how do you deal with it. I wanna help, but i don't wanna keep trying if im going to be brushed aside all the time as well. Its really hard im finding out from going one of the top chapter guys for a long time to nothing in a short period of time. Guess one of the humbling lessons of pre-graduation to alum status. Thanks.

KillarneyRose · #2 06-18-2002, 02:58 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by UNFSigmaChi
Its really hard im finding out from going one of the top chapter guys for a long time to nothing in a short period of time.

Don't feel that way! The younger brothers (i.e. the up and coming leaders of your chapter) think they have the answers to everything. They think they can handle any problem the chapter encounters. They think they don't need the "older brothers" anymore. But know what? They'll eventually come upon a situation that they're not sure how to handle. It's then and only then that they'll come to the older brothers such as yourself for help. And know what you'll do? Well, to yourself you'll be thinking, "HA! TOLD YA SO!!!" But to them, you'll be gracious and you'll pass on the things you've learned in order help them.

I know, because it happened to me! It happens to all of the graduating brothers/sisters who have held major positions in their chapter. It even happened to those long-ago older brothers and older sisters that WE replaced!

Believe me, the novelty of being the head honchos will wear off and reality will sink in and the new leaders will realize that they still need your sage advice. And, as I said, you will give it to them because you love your fraternity, and because that's what older brothers do

lifesaver · #3 06-18-2002, 12:22 PM

One theing the leadership classes never cover is this..and how to go to an advisory role, instead of an active role. It sucks. I went through it too. its just like how they want to make their own mistakes...just liek how we would never listen to what our parents told us because we thought we were smarter. I am an alum advisor now and I have coem to the realization that they will learn from their mistakes, and sometimes you have to let them learn for themselves, but also if its a serious situation... Step in and be forceful, let them know that you have been there before, and that X, Y, or Z was the problem and X, Y or Z was the outcome. Then ask them how this situation is different? You might have to be a bit forceful, but then also explain to them that continuity and listening to past experience is the only way the chapter will succeede in the future. You cant posible make any progress if you are doomeed to repeat the same mistakes. Also, your alums should help in providing that continuity. We have an alumni advisory board that is set up to help. Each officer is paired with an alum that advises and guides. Since officers change every year, the alums help provide a bit of stability and continuity. Might try that too. I also dont see anything wrong witha a little, "I told you so, now dont you wish you wouldda listened to me? Remember this for next time."

Good luck.

DeltaSigStan · #4 06-18-2002, 12:38 PM

I'm having a similar problem. This fall is going to be the most pivotal time for GA DSP. We're still small and rebuilding after rechartering in 99, but we're moving to a new house on fraternity row, and we've made a name for ourselves through some of the most kick ass parties at SDSU. Problem is, our new E-Board is being very lazy. I heard that most houses plans rush, exhanges, socials...etc... at this time of year for the next semester. But none of the brothers (either here in San Diego or those who went home) seem like they care. Some of the guys don't seem like they're going to do their jobs right at all. I talked to some fo the guys and all I egt is "don't worry, when the time comes we'll be ready".

Meanwhile, Being the new Pledge Educator, I've been busting my ass trying to come up with a good pledge program. But if we all procrastinate, we won't get the number of pledges or the quality of pledges that we could if we were better prepared. I'm one of the only people who feels this way yet so many guys in the house keep saying how great we're going to be next fall.

dutchgirl · #5 06-19-2002, 11:27 AM

i had a case of the post-office blues, when my office year ended. it's so frustrating to realise that your succesors think they already know everything and won't take your advise. my experience is that, after a while, they will come to you for advice and/or help, and if not, you can always ask difficult questions at meetings, just for the fun of watching them go red!!

PsychTau · #6 06-19-2002, 12:53 PM

If the direct route (telling them what works and what doesn't, etc.), this might. I read this in a book (and right now I can't remember which one!).

Meet with the person and tell them that you are available for help whenever they need it. All they have to do is ask (trust me, eventually they will). The secret is to then ASK THEM "What do you want me to do right now?" Chances are the first answer will be "Just let me do my job". If that's the case, then say something like "OK, I will sit back and wait for you to come to me. I am on your side, just let me know what you need me to do" Then when they do come to you (and they will!) don't TELL them what to do, ask them questions to lead them to the right answer. Example: "What does our risk management statement say about this? What is your gut telling you to do? If you wait until Friday to book the room, what do you think will happen?" Question them about the details that you know should be planned, and let them hear their answers (and how bad they might sound).

The whole idea is to guide them to coming up with the answer themselves. Add in stories about "Well, when I was planning that, this is what happened." And there will be appropriate times to say "Absolutely not. That is against our Constitution. It's on page 27"

This is hard to explain just by reading it. It's easier to explain in person, so I hope I don't sound crazy in this post!!!

moe.ron · #7 06-20-2002, 08:42 AM

It's an endless cycle. The Younger brother will feel the same way you do when they are in your position three to four years down the road. Let them learn from experience. It's the best thing you can do to teach them.

Tom Earp · #8 06-20-2002, 05:37 PM

The young always feel thy can do better that the old until they put their feet in the water! OOPS DAMN IS IT COLD!

Until you reach the OLD FART stage they look at you like a boil on their butt! Well until the fit hits the shan! Then they say or ask, how did you do this!

It will go on forever until they get into a bind and go Holly Si&^ , what do we do now?

You know, maybe one of the Alums can give us some hints!

I find over the years that My Parents were not as dumb as I thought they were! HEHE!

SoCalGirl · #9 06-21-2002, 07:32 PM

The problem with trasitioning from leader to advisor is that you still want to lead. But now it's the leaders that you want to lead. As an advisor, the most important thing you can do is to let the officers make mistakes. If they don't learn from them, then definitely intervene. If the potential mistake could be detremental to the chapter, intervene. If the mistake could cause an inconvience and upset some members but teach that officer a lesson, step back and let the shit hit the fan! If the officer does not believe he did anything wrong the upset members will definetly let him know how wrong he is.

Pi Kapp 142 · #10 07-06-2002, 07:42 PM

Ya, we have had this happen multiple times over the years. One thing that a chapter can do is have an Officer transition retreat where all of what you have learned through the term is poassed on. Hopefully they will be more succeeptable to advice. Also, when you are far enough along in your life away from school (when no one was an active the same time you were) you advice will be treated like holy scripture. So being on a board of advisors is an option as well.

TKEmz894 · #11 07-07-2002, 06:18 AM

Its really simple.......Dont always express your opinion. If you wait till really important decisions to open your mouth then they will respect it more. So unless they are about to do something extremely detrimental to the chapter, than dont open your mouth. But if they ask for advice tell them exactly how to do it,in detail, and dont ever refuse them that.........Blaise

Kevin · #12 07-07-2002, 10:48 AM

Everyone deals with this differently. I've been fortunate enough to have served on 3 different exec boards so I've seen MANY ex-officers deal with stepping down.

It's hard, ESPECIALLY when your new exec claims that you didn't do a great job and says maybe they can do it better. Maybe they can.. but more likely they'll learn what the real world is like

Challenge them to do better but don't say it can't be done.

The best advice I can give you is to take officer transitions VERY seriously. Have a retreat, discuss goals and such. Encourage new officers to discuss matters on a regular basis with the immediate past officer.

One thing we've just instituted for my particular office is that we elect my assistant and in 1 year he becomes Treasurer. Gives me a whole year to prove to him that I know what I'm doing

Contrary to the opinion of most, MANY people are open to your advice. Just don't be upset when they don't do what you suggested.

But PLEASE don't come back and be a thorn in their side every time they try to do something that you wouldn't do. I won't go further into it but that's the absolute worst thing you can do.

Pi Kapp 142 · #13 07-07-2002, 01:02 PM

One thing my chater is working on as well is that we are having more commitees for individual jobs that each exec board does. That way there is a group of guys that knows what the issues are when a new officer comes and what has been tried in the past. This may become a problem wiht each committe unwilling to try new things, but we hope this solved with the fact that the ultimate deciscion lies with the officer.