Guy trouble!

UDZETA · #1 06-03-2002, 04:24 PM

Hello everyone, I am having total guy trouble. My boyfriend and I dated on and off for four years. The past year we were really serious. He goes to school in Florida and I go to school in Ohio. Well we spent all spring break together in Florida and had a wonderful time. We started talking about marriage and he will be finish with school there after this next year and he will be moving back to Ohio. I will still be in school and he talked about us living together. He had told me if I wanted to live together that there was no turning back and if I needed to date anyone else now would be the time before he moves back. And I thought about that for a long time. I will be 19 on the 10th of June and I will only be 20 when he moves back to Ohio. I decided that dating others might be a good idea for the fact that I have not really dated anyone but him. If I am going to get married I plan on only doing it once. I want to make sure he is the right one. Plus I'm only 19 I can't make a decision like that yet. Now I love him very much but I need to be sure that he is the one. I told him that I thought about what he said about me dating other people before he moves back and that I thought it might be a good idea. He then told me that he only said that hoping that I would say "no I don't want to date anyone else and that he was the one for me." I was sort of taken back by his comment. I talked this all over with my mom to get her feedback. When my mom was my age she had me on the way and was married. She did want me to turn up like her. She wants me to enjoy life and not rush it. She also told me I was smart for telling him I want to date others just to be sure. I am having a lot of trouble with this and I was wondering if you could help me out or give me some more feedback. Was I wrong for wanting to date others or should I stick to what I am doing? Please help me!!!!

ZTAngel · #2 06-03-2002, 04:44 PM

No, you weren't wrong. You were honest. You are very young still...you're 18. A lot can happy during college. I came to college with my high school sweetheart and we thought we'd be together forever. But, when grew up and, ultimately, grew apart. I thank goodness for that. My single days were a chance for me to grow and learn about myself and what I wanted. It gave me a chance to decide exactly what I wanted in a guy. Maybe you need that time. If you're unsure if you want to spend the rest of your life with this guy, then I think you need to "shop around". If you get tied down to him, you may end up regretting it and take out that frustration on him. I'm sure that it sucks being in his shoes. He's 21 I'm guessing right? He's had a bit more time to decide what he wants and he's a little bit older so he's thinking of the future. Ask him if you can have a break in the relationship for a month or two and see what happens. It won't be easy but you'll never regret not seeing the different guys that are out there while you were in college.

becljohn · #3 06-06-2002, 03:40 PM

Oh Honey you are soooo young. If you fell that you need to see other people to make sure that he is the one, then maybe he is not the one. If he is, then it will work out. You make a choice that is right for you. I went through the same thing in college with my sweetheart. We dated off and on through out my 4 years there and I finally desided that it was time to see other people to make sure Iw anted to be with him. He did not like that at all. But you know what, we both made wonderful friends with other people. I am now married to a wonderful man and he is engaged to a great girl. Maybe you are ment for this man, but if you are not sure go out meet new people, you may find out that you want to be with him and you may find you! If you need to talk or just let out frustration feel free to email me!!
lillou48@hotmail.com

Stacy · #4 07-09-2002, 03:35 PM

I know this post is late but wanted to respond to your worries. I too had a situation much like yours. I dated the same guy for almost 8 years. After I graduated from college I moved home to be closer to him and we suddenly realized that over time we both had changed. It was time to take a break and find ourselves and make sure we still wanted what we had. While we still loved each other, and always would, we had to make a wise decision.

The same goes for you. You need some time to find yourself without him. You will grow and so will he and you will either be miserable without him and go back, or realize that perhaps he was not all that you wanted. Be true to yourself and follow your heart

Someone gave me the famous poem "if something is yours, set it free, and if it comes back it was meant to be." I read it every day and realized it was true. He did not come back nor did I go, but we had a great thing but needed to move on

Good luck and take care of you!

UDZETA · #5 07-10-2002, 11:16 AM

Thank you all for your posts. I do miss him but I think I need to get over the stock of not having him as my boyfriend. We still talk and I do love him but I need time to make sure this is what I need. Thank you so much for making this situation easier for me. I'm glad to hear your stories and situations and how you delt with them. It is nice to know that someone else has gone through what I have. You advice has been helpful!