Interest in Rushing Again: TIPS FOR THE FALL

[rock5060]

Hey everyone!!! Even though I rushed during the spring and did not receive a bid, it has not stopped me to try again in the fall. My only concern is if rushing again is frowned upon. In addition, I would like to know if I made any mistake that might’ve caused me not to receive a bid and learn from them so it doesn’t happen again.

Even though I was not planning to rush in the spring because of Rugby commitments, a floor mate of mine who was rushing Pi Kappa Alpha (who got a bid) convinced me to give Greek Life a shot and rush. After attending the “Meet the Greeks” fair prior to the start of Open Rush, I decided learn more about Greek Life and attend rush events to four fraternities I felt I could fit in.

Open Rush was enjoyable because I met some extraordinary people and even made some new friends who share my same interests. To get a better feel of each chapter, I spoke to as many members as I can, introducing myself with a firm handshake, asking questions like “Why did you decide to pledge this chapter?”, “What are some of the charity and community service activities you guys do?”, chapter ideals, even praising the mottos after doing some research, and other stuff to get to know them. Some conversations lasted for 15 minutes to a point where they encouraged me to meet more members. They were supposed to last five minutes. I ended each conversation saying like “John, it was pleasure to meet you and I hope I’ll you again at Closed Rush.” A friend told me I was “socializing a storm” because I was talking with people well after Open Rush ended with all recruits returning home.

There was one problem and that same friend realized this before Closed Rush invitations were sent out. Since I did not attend many open parties because the Rugby house hosts their own events, fraternities may not be familiar with me since I know on average three members per chapter of the ones I rushed. He was right since I only got one Closed Rush invite to Delta Chi. He was even shocked that I did not get an invitation to the fraternity he got a bid in.

Closed Rush consisted an interview, free food, and extra time to meet the more chapter members. Sadly, I came down with the flu earlier that morning, but I made no excuses and attended the event. The interview was, I think, my downfall because my voice was hoarse. There was also a question that said “Who was the greatest influence in your life?” “Even though he’s a controversial figure,” I responded, “it would be Joe Paterno.” I spoke about his Success with Honor motto and how it molded into the individual I became today. Since I am terrible at lying, I figured it’ll be best to be myself. However, I knew my chances were done after that final question.

Even though I did not get a bid, I was actually a sign of relief since my workload was too heavy and the pledge process would have tumbled my GPA. Most of my friends were unhappy that I did not get a bid and one sent me a website link and told me to consider rushing again. After reading the website, I realized Greek Life is the right fit for me because of the brotherhood, leadership opportunities, social events, and legacy – different components under one roof. The legacy aspect is what inspired me to give it a second shot because alumni are the people who helped make the chapter stronger. Since one of my goals in college is to make a positive impact to the people surrounding me, I figured rushing fraternities that share my interests would be the right thing to do because of that. When I think about the legacy and honor that revolves around the fraternities, it inspires me to join one so I can build on that legacy that would inspire brothers past, present and future in a positive way.

Finally, is rushing fraternities again looked down upon? Are there any mistakes mentioned above that hurt my chances the first time so I can learn from them and not repeat them again? I know this is a long forum post, but I have a few final questions.

1. What are some aspects fraternities are looking for in new members that I have not mentioned above?
2. Are there any other questions I can ask during rush?
3. I want to get started early so I can build (and rebuild) my connections to show my interest and get to know fraternities members more before fall rush. How can I do that? Should I contact the Rush Chair or President?

[angels&angles]

Totally out of my lane here as an NPC alum, but you may have come on a little too strong, especially since you didn't go to any of the open parties. In general, talking about mottos, etc. on the first meeting comes off as trying too hard. You stayed after the rest of the recruits left? This is not giving me a good vibe.

And you went to a rush party with the flu? Yikes! Hope you didn't give it to any of those guys you wanted to impress so badly.

I also think picking Joe Paterno was a bad choice (unless you're at Penn State... maybe). This isn't Debate, you're not trying to win your argument. You don't get a better grade for picking something risky. Memorable isn't always a good thing. Safer is better at rush. This may not be the same for fraternities as sororities, but you might want to stay away from political, religious, or controversial people in general.

Again, take this with a huge grain of salt since I never went through fraternity rush, but just my two cents.

(Also my dad was a rugby player. He considered it his fraternity.)

[DeltaBetaBaby]

I read this much as a&a did...if you come off as a guy trying to sell yourself, instead of a guy trying to make friends, they really aren't going to feel like they know you that well. I'd focus on making friends in fraternities, and then try again in the fall.

[GammaGirl1908]

Also WAYYY out of my lane as well, but I agree with the previous posters.

I may not have ever interviewed people for fraternities, but I have interviewed many people for jobs and scholarships; I've gone on dates; I've made friends in this world; and so forth. You interact differently with people in each of those situations. You don't flirt at a job interview, but you do on a date. You don't spout facts about thermonuclear physics at happy hour, but you do at a job interview.

It sounds like you took more of a job-interview approach than a fraternity-joining approach. Both have their place in life, but a job interview is where you are trying to let people know how much you know about a given topic, impress them with your competence and maturity, and seem capable, well-informed, and helpful. By comparison, my understanding and (limited, obviously) experience is that during fraternity rush, the brothers are looking for someone who fits in and who they will be comfortable bonding with, hanging out with, living with, and sharing experiences with ... i.e., a potential friend.

I don't know about you, but I'm way less concerned about whether my friends are capable and well-informed. It's nice if they are, but mostly I care that we have things in common and have fun together. I have plenty of friends that I wouldn't hire, and I have hired people with whom I have nothing in common and likely wouldn't ever be friends if I didn't know them from work.

Most conversations that end with a person thinking, "He was pretty cool, I'd definitely hang out with him again" don't involve a non-member's savant-like knowledge of fraternity mottos and a discourse on the upside of Joe Paterno (and I'm a big football fan from another Big Ten school; I know the upside of Joe Paterno).

Your goal is to have them think when you walk away, "He was pretty cool, I'd definitely hang out with him again," not "Um ... did that dude just tell me he's heavily influenced by a disgraced dead football coach with a reputation for having protected a child rapist and 111 vacated wins? ... Um ...

... NEXT!"

You are trying to make friends with these people, not astound them with your knowledge of facts. Be a great guy, not a fraternity encyclopedia.

(And definitely steer clear of Joe Paterno. It's perfectly fine to choose your SECOND biggest influence. I promise, no one will know.)

[Sciencewoman]

I agree with the above posters. I'm struck by the comment you made that "Some conversations lasted for 15 minutes to a point where they encouraged me to meet more members. They were supposed to last five minutes." I think you may be reading that as a positive...like you had a great conversation going that the members didn't want to end. I'm afraid you may have chatted too long, to the point where it got awkward -- the brothers wanted to meet more people, and they were letting you know that you should be meeting more people, too. The fact that you stayed after everyone else left also indicates that you may have overstayed your welcome. They may have needed to vote, get to a meeting, etc., and you don't want to be remembered as the "houseguest who stayed too long," and didn't pick up on the signal that it was time to leave, end a conversation, etc. If there was a 5 minute conversation limit, the point was to mingle and meet lots of people -- for the brothers and the recruits.

Lots of older adults struggle with this, too. It can be hard to mingle at a cocktail party or business event, and exit a conversation gracefully so that you can move on to talk with others. For some people, it's also hard to know when to leave. Thinking about how you can naturally move on to meet more people would be good preparation for fall events -- stick to the 5 minutes and move on gracefully. I'd stick to "it was great talking to you," not "I hope I can come back." They already know that, or you wouldn't be there. Be cool, be natural, and try to relax.