Need some advice!

morningglory19 · #1 09-22-2012, 04:59 PM

So I just joined a sorority, and I'm really really excited! But the past few days, I've felt kind of strange because all of the older sisters are all really close, and I don't know them well yet. So my question is: how long does it take before you feel like you're really part of the sisterhood? And is it natural to feel this way?

FSUZeta · #2 09-22-2012, 08:01 PM

Longer than a few days! Actually, it varies from person to person. Some girls feel a part of the chapter in a short time, while it may take much longer for others. The best bet is to make yourself go to the house(if your sorority has one) as often as you can, or to go to as many activities that your chapter holds on campus, or off, as often as you can.

Do you live in a dorm? Are there pledge sisters living in your dorm? Make a date with them to drop by their room and visit.

It takes an effort to feel comfortable in a new place, activity, with a new friend. A sorority is not different.

adpiucf · #3 09-22-2012, 08:04 PM

It's totally natural! As your new member period goes on, you will have opportunities to meet more sisters. Talk to your new member coordinator and/or your big sister about your concerns. You'll get to know more of the sisters at retreats, meetings, etc. Also, plan on going to a mixer or social or two.

The more involved you get, the "closer" you will feel. I think the most incredible chapter bonding experience probably happens during formal recruitment, but you certainly get those feelings and experiences throughout the year. You get out of it what you put into it. Remember to prioritize school and your other responsibilities, but take the time to have some fun and get to know your new sisters!

OREO1864 · #4 09-22-2012, 11:41 PM

Don't worry. You will bond with your new sisters. It just takes some time. Be patient, and it will happen.

thetalady · #5 09-22-2012, 11:47 PM

Friendship and becoming close is not instant. Did you think that is how it worked when you got a bid?

KSUViolet06 · #6 09-23-2012, 12:14 AM

Think about the person whom you'd consider your best friend right now. Were you BFFs the EXACT MOMENT you met in middle school/HS/whenever? Nope. Same thing with a sorority. Your feelings are normal. It just takes time. Relax.

33girl · #7 09-23-2012, 12:55 AM

This is another reason why the term "pledge" is better than "new member" or "insert jewel here sister." It doesn't give the illusion that you are on the same level of closeness with the initiated members of the sorority. You are not. That doesn't mean pledges should be hazed or mistreated - but I think a HUGE part of why girls don't understand why they're not instant friends is because they're showered with a very shallow positivity and the terminology used contributes to that. When we were called pledges, we know we were different, and I don't think any of us ever expected to be instant BFFs with everyone in a week.

KSUViolet06 · #8 09-23-2012, 01:57 PM

I dunno. I was called a NM, but I still didn't have the same level of "why isn't everyone my BFF in week 2!!!!!????" as I have seen.

I think it also may have something to do with the fact that I wasn't a freshman, though.

GeorgiaGreek · #9 09-23-2012, 02:04 PM

As others have said, everyone is different. I lived in a dorm that was far away from the dorms that the rest of my pledge class were in, which meant I ate at different dining hall, didn't walk to classes with them, etc. While I liked being in my sorority, it wasn't until sophomore year when I went through rush on "the other side" with everyone and lived in the house that I really felt like I was part of a sisterhood.
Give it time, get involved, go to events, and I think the most important thing is to spend time with your sisters outside of sorority events. Go on a Target/grocery run with them, hang out and paint your nails together, etc. It's those times where I felt like I bonded with my sisters.

lunalovegood · #10 09-23-2012, 10:06 PM

Congrats on your bid!

I'm also one of those girls that took a while to fit in, and am still having a bit of trouble. The older sisters are close because they've had time and memories to get that way... you'll be getting your fair share! If you have sisters in your dorm, get ready for events with them or just keep your door open to chat! You'll be having more than your fair share of new member activities as well.

One of the things that helped me the most was getting to know girls on an individual basis. Living in the house helps as well -- I had a huge conversation about religion today with one of the girls in our spring '12 pledge class and came to realize we had a very similar background. It was really nice to learn that! It does take time and effort, like every friendship, but you'll get there in the end