When you pledge to a sorority you're not sure you want! Need advice

Confused123 · #1 02-06-2012, 02:07 PM

A couple of weeks ago, I went through what was almost a dream rush, until the end. I didn't have any expectations of this, but I ended up being able to return to the maximum number of houses each night. Of course I was nervous and a bit stressed, but I was also having a great time going to all the houses!

I started off with a couple of strong favorites but when I got down to a few houses, I had one strong favorite that I was in love with. I'll call them Balloons. I also had a 2nd choice which I liked but didn't think I liked it as much as my #1. They're the Party Hats. In fact, at one of my first nights at Party Hats, I had an awful time. It wasn't anything the Actives did. I just felt super awkward and nervous, and I didn't feel like I would get invited back. So the last 2 nights come around, and I suddenly do a 180. I really love Party Hats now. I know several of the Seniors in that sorority, and I was bawling my eyes out at Pref Night there. I was really touched by the ceremony. The whole rest of the night, I was thinking about Party Hats. I was still torn because I had loved Balloons too, but I felt at peace when I preffed Party Hats first that night.

I KNOW it doesn't always happen this way! But at my college, the Sorority you put first on Pref Night is the one you get almost all the time. They even explained that to us. Although they did warn us, that doesn't happen 100% of the time. But I thought I was set in stone.

So imagine my surprise when I open my Bid Card to see Balloons! The girls in this one are fantastic, and I have been trying to be positive and enthusiastic and give it a chance. But now, even a couple of weeks later, I'm still feeling a little hurt over Party Hats. The thing with them is that their pledge class is full of girls who are the total opposite of me! I am wild and outgoing with people I know, but it takes me a long time to warm up to people. I know many of the new pledge class, and most of them put it ALL out there no matter what! Outgoing, crazy, and funny! One of the reasons I cried so much during Pref Night there, though, were my Senior friends who explained to me that Party Hats had transformed them from someone on the shyer, more unsure side to the intelligent, outgoing, confident women they are today. I felt like Party Hats could help me grow as a person, and the women were who I want to be. The Balloons represent more of who I am today.

I don't know what to do! I'm trying to tell myself that it worked out for the best because I'm not actually sure I would fit in with the Party Hat freshman or not. I'm closest with Juniors and Seniors in there, and all the Seniors will be gone and graduated soon!

I'm not even sure what I want anymore, but I can't stop crying whenever I think about it. I don't know what to do! The Balloons maybe are better for me, but I can't stop thinking about the Party Hats.

KSUViolet06 · #2 02-06-2012, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Confused123

A couple of weeks ago, I went through what was almost a dream rush, until the end. I didn't have any expectations of this, but I ended up being able to return to the maximum number of houses each night. Of course I was nervous and a bit stressed, but I was also having a great time going to all the houses!

I started off with a couple of strong favorites but when I got down to a few houses, I had one strong favorite that I was in love with. I'll call them Balloons. I also had a 2nd choice which I liked but didn't think I liked it as much as my #1. They're the Party Hats. In fact, at one of my first nights at Party Hats, I had an awful time. It wasn't anything the Actives did. I just felt super awkward and nervous, and I didn't feel like I would get invited back. So the last 2 nights come around, and I suddenly do a 180. I really love Party Hats now. I know several of the Seniors in that sorority, and I was bawling my eyes out at Pref Night there. I was really touched by the ceremony. The whole rest of the night, I was thinking about Party Hats. I was still torn because I had loved Balloons too, but I felt at peace when I preffed Party Hats first that night.

I KNOW it doesn't always happen this way! But at my college, the Sorority you put first on Pref Night is the one you get almost all the time. They even explained that to us. Although they did warn us, that doesn't happen 100% of the time. But I thought I was set in stone.

So imagine my surprise when I open my Bid Card to see Balloons! The girls in this one are fantastic, and I have been trying to be positive and enthusiastic and give it a chance. But now, even a couple of weeks later, I'm still feeling a little hurt over Party Hats. The thing with them is that their pledge class is full of girls who are the total opposite of me! I am wild and outgoing with people I know, but it takes me a long time to warm up to people. I know many of the new pledge class, and most of them put it ALL out there no matter what! Outgoing, crazy, and funny! One of the reasons I cried so much during Pref Night there, though, were my Senior friends who explained to me that Party Hats had transformed them from someone on the shyer, more unsure side to the intelligent, outgoing, confident women they are today. I felt like Party Hats could help me grow as a person, and the women were who I want to be. The Balloons represent more of who I am today.

I don't know what to do! I'm trying to tell myself that it worked out for the best because I'm not actually sure I would fit in with the Party Hat freshman or not. I'm closest with Juniors and Seniors in there, and all the Seniors will be gone and graduated soon!

I'm not even sure what I want anymore, but I can't stop crying whenever I think about it. I don't know what to do! The Balloons maybe are better for me, but I can't stop thinking about the Party Hats.

Your situation is not unusual at all, as (contrary to popular belief) not everyone gets a bid to their #1 choice.

Good reads (they're long, but helpful) :

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=106678

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...ghlight=choice

AlphaFrog · #3 02-06-2012, 02:24 PM

1. Trust th system...the sorority women often know better than the PNM where the PNM fits. You said yourself that you're more of a Balloon.

2. Count your blessings. One of my favorite ASA tees says "Sometimes the best way to figure out who you are is to go to a place where you don't have to be anyone else". It sounds like that's what you have, and these girls WANT you!

3. Unless you're on a one sorority campus, EVERYONE has "what if" moments. Totally normal.

4. Stick it out for awhile, even if none of the other reasons persuaded you. You can't rush again for another calendar year, so you might as well make the best of it. If come initiation time you still can't think about Party Hats without crying, re-evaluate initiating, but remember that since you ranked PHats #1 last time and didn't get them, there's probably a smaller chance next time - especially since the seniors you thought you connected with won't be there.

BraveMaroon · #4 02-06-2012, 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

1. Trust th system...the sorority women often know better than the PNM where the PNM fits. You said yourself that you're more of a Balloon.

2. Count your blessings. One of my favorite ASA tees says "Sometimes the best way to figure out who you are is to go to a place where you don't have to be anyone else". It sounds like that's what you have, and these girls WANT you!

3. Unless you're on a one sorority campus, EVERYONE has "what if" moments. Totally normal.

4. Stick it out for awhile, even if none of the other reasons persuaded you. You can't rush again for another calendar year, so you might as well make the best of it. If come initiation time you still can't think about Party Hats without crying, re-evaluate initiating, but remember that since you ranked PHats #1 last time and didn't get them, there's probably a smaller chance next time - especially since the seniors you thought you connected with won't be there.

All of this - plus... of all of my sisters, I was least close to my own pledge class. I had a ton of older sisters and a ton of younger ones I was closest to. My own pledge class had plenty of nice people, but I was very different.

DubaiSis · #5 02-06-2012, 02:51 PM

Congratulations: You're normal. Let it go and enjoy what you have.

If you read through many threads here, there are maybe even more threads with the Unicorns Pooping Rainbows Syndrome where the girl actually gets her first choice and is then having second thoughts.

It sounds to me like you were placed correctly. And one bad night of rush? So doesn't matter. If I'd have had one more chapter I could cut after the first day(the old days, we cut sororities), it would have been the one that has been my home for more than 25 years. Just roll with it and try not to compare what you do have with what you think other girls have.