Formal Favor Issues-

[Dejajeva]

Sapphire Ball Issues!

Hi Guys. So as most of you probably know our Sapphire Ball for Phi Sigma Sigma was yesterday. Now...our social chair- let's call her...Julie...wanted to get our Crest on the Champagne glasses and Beer Mugs- Well. That would have looked great, however, our President and Vice President, let's call them, respectivly, Patty and Anne...decided that it wouldn't be a good idea because they didn't want people drinking from glasses that had our crest on them....Now, backstory a little here, but our chapter has an incredibly strict alcohol policy- and a few of the actives, including Patty and Anne, are those who OTHER actives, like, Julie, say get incredibly anal about anything alcohol related...and new members, like myself, were warned against even TALKING about it infront of Patty and Anne...and a couple others...warned against it by girls like Julie. So. Patty and Anne decided to tell Julie NOT to order those glasses.

Julie ordered them anyways, saying that Patty and Anne were being ridiculous and anal about the whole glass issue...and how most people only used the glasses for decoration and not to drink from.

So, Patty and ANne refused to let Julie give out the glasses yesterday-and now Julie and a couple of HER friends wont even speak to Patty or Anne or some of their friends.


We're supposed to vote on it today in Chapter-

Do you guys have any ideas for any way for us to get over this?
Ways of comprimise?
What other ideas do you have about bring the sisters more together instead of constantly in their little cliques?
It's hard for me because I love everyone in BOTH groups!

Love,
Jessica

[ZTAngel]

My opinion:
Even if they gave out a coffee mug or something with your crest on it there's still a chance people will drink alcohol out of it. There's no real way to stop it.
I think that it should be handed out with just some "rules". Tell the sisters that they can only use the champagne glasses or beer mugs at their home. They can't take it around campus (but, then again, when's the last time you saw someone carrying a champagne glass around campus?) and they can't bring the beer mugs to any socials. Do you all have a rule that says you can't drink in your letters? If these glasses have the actual Phi Sigma Sigma letters on it you might be out of luck but if it's only a crest or one of your symbols...you may have a loophole (in ZTA, you can't drink alcohol from something that has letters so the ZTA sisters will make their own thermos to bring to a football game and draw a picture of a five pointed crown on it). I think it's such a funny rule bc our greek store racks in the big bucks from shot glasses that have the sorority letters on it. ??? We had a sisterhood social a year ago and they made for us these "cups" that looked like an extra wide shotglass and the five-pointed was put on it. I use it as a measuring cup. I think that if our president made a huge deal out of it, the girls would be more inclined to drink from it (one of those human nature things). Many of my sisters use it as a candle holder instead.
And, Julie probably spent a lot of your chapter's money on those glasses. If they are not handed out, that's a lot of money to waste.

[BrownEyedGirl]

I agree with ZTAngel; in our GLO, we have very strict rules about not putting alcohol in anything that has our letters on it. I'm guessing your president and anyone else concerned was worried about similar rules and wanted to keep your GLO looking good to everyone on campus.

As for fixing this, I would try and emphasize to my sisters that formal favors can be re-ordered, and that the champagne glasses, if handed out, could be kept in sisters' rooms, not brought out in front of non-members. To avoid cliques, our chapter tries to organize activities where sisters are grouped randomly and get to bond in small groups (we have a fairly large chapter so this is important) and get to know sisters in and outside of their closest circle of friends.

Good luck and remember: this seems like a big deal now, but in the long run, it can easily be fixed. When this all blows over, your sisterhood will be as strong as ever, particularly with girls as involved as you are working hard to keep it that way.

[Heather]

"Julie" ordered them even though she was told not to?? That's not good at all and would have not gone over well with our exec board. I say send them back, they never should have been bought in the first place. If they can't be returned she should be held personally responsible for paying for them. (That's the former treasurer part of me coming through there!)

It may seem like officers are anal about alcohol issues but the fact is that they have to be. There are so many potential problems surrounding alcohol and related issues that they have to be careful. They just can't afford not to be.

[kristiAZD]

I think this is an issue that many chapters face, including my own.
My GLO also has strict rules regarding the issue, and we try very hard to abide by them. We are taught as new members to respect our letters and our heritage, and I believe this is why we do not have a problem like this. However, it was very wrong of "Julie" to go behind the president's decision and order the glasses anyway. If she were supposed to be making these decisions, she would be president. Many girls in my chapter think that a lot of the rules are anal, but at the same time we respect them. At our formals we give out favors to everyone, and this would definetely be in violation of our rules. It doesn't matter what is being put in the glass, a person who is not a member of our organization is not allowed to drink from that glass. The biggest issue I have is that this girl went behind the president's back, who has the upmost authority. This causes even bigger problems than glasses if the behavior is allowed to continue.

[33girl]

First off, the companies that make these items really need to be educated about alcohol policies - like ZTAngel said how many things is it breaking to even have a shot glass with a crest on it?

I seriously doubt that the company will take the glasses back, unless you can prove they are defective in some way. Once you are locked into a contract (be it favors, shirts or composites) these companies are not going to cut you any slack. They really don't care if the chapter voted on it or if Boy George decided to buy 100 mugs, as long as they get their money.

I think that the more fuss Patty and Anne make, the more people will want to drink out of the glasses just to piss them off. Plus, the sisters partially paid for those glasses, either with dues or formal tickets. I think every sister in our house had a beer mug with a crest on it, and we knew better than to drink out of them - they were for decoration and storage (I kept hair accessories in mine). No Julie shouldn't have ordered them, but they are here now, the money is spent, and the more both sides fuss about it, the worse the power struggle will get.

My question is, where did Julie get the $$$ to pay for the glasses? Which side is the treasurer on? Doesn't the prez have to see/sign checks before they go out?

With the clique issue, just make it a point to do things with members of both cliques together. They will feel stupid scrapping with each other while you are sitting there getting along with both of them.

[shadokat]

OK, so Julie picks out a favor...and the Patty and Anne tell her no? Nice democracy...if Julie was in charge of getting the favor in her elected position, then Patty and Anne need to simmer down. I know Patty is the President, but just because you're the president doesn't mean you get to dictate everything.

Secondly, alcohol polices usually mean that you can't have letters or the crest on glassware like champagne glasses and such.

Finally, if you guys spent chapter money on the glasses, then I'd say you all just take the glasses and leave it at that. Julie can be brought to Standards Board if she's done something wrong, and it can be dealt with judiciously

[James]

Its too late, you guys already made it into a pissing contest.

And you shouldn't be hiding stuff like that from your exec board anyway.

There are some issues here that are much more important to your group than the obvious one.

Sounds like a sucky issue to come to a vote because its gone to break down into friendship categories and cause more problems and disgruntlement.

Wow, that whole disagreement means that your chapter is faling in the sisterhood arena (Backbiting, gossip, cliques) and the proffessional arena (standards of excellence, job roles) . . .

Icky.

good luck,

James

[aephi alum]

My sorority has almost always had some sort of glass as favors at formals. The general rule has been, don't drink alcohol out of them publicly. Typically we would have a "champagne" toast at formals, with non-alcoholic cider, in our engraved "champagne" flutes, then take them home. We never had alcohol at any of our events anyway - per national policy.

You can't stop people from using the glasses for alcohol in private. For a while, the only champagne flutes my husband and I had were the two we got at my AEPhi senior formal. But it was just the two of us, so who cared?

This won't solve your chapter's immediate problem - but in future you may wish to get glasses that don't have an immediate "alcohol" connotation. No shot glasses, martini glasses, etc. Instead, get pint glasses or highball glasses (they can be used for water or soda) or coffee mugs. You could even contend that the beer steins can be used as coffee mugs... my husband has a "beer" stein from his professional fraternity, that he uses for coffee.

JMO.

[valkyrie]

Originally posted by Dejajeva

Do you guys have any ideas for any way for us to get over this?
Ways of comprimise?
What other ideas do you have about bring the sisters more together instead of constantly in their little cliques?
It's hard for me because I love everyone in BOTH groups!

I just wanted to say that you are handling this very well! It's great that you are trying to find ways to work through the problem constructively. They are lucky to have you as a sister!

Does your chapter have an advisor who could be called upon to help mediate the situation? It seems like a vote would really just serve to divide the group into one side or the other. I think it would be best for everyone to sit down with someone neutral (hopefully an advisor) and work it out together. Everyone may not love the outcome, but at least working together would hopefully serve to unite the group a little bit, anyway.

Good luck, and let us know what happens!

[AngelPhiSig]

I know how it is with the strict Phi Sig alcohol policy! we got chapane glasses last year, and well... they were suppossed to have "2000 Sapphire Ball" on it and a mask, cos it was a masqurade... (I cant spell) and so we get them, and the shot glasses have the 2000 Sapphire ball, but the chapane glasses have letters. grrr... so we got candles this year!


Our Sapphire ball is this weekend, and well... my date gets a little rowdy when hes drunk, Im a bit worried....

<3Ali

[Dejajeva]

So I talked to our Vice Pres-and they said that J board ( our Judicial board) would talk about it...and vote on it at their next meeting. We payed 35 dollars for a couple and 20 for a single...so we payed for the glasses/mugs. I was told that we would get our money back if we did not recieve a glass.

Now- Here were my ideas.
It seems now that it's less of a issue about glasses and more an issue about power within the sorority. The glasses can not be sent back. I was angry that we as an entire sorority didn't vote on the kind of favor we all wanted, you know? So, I'm going to propose a couple things to J board then to E board because I feel like the entire chapter isn't being heard. We have our Phi Sig alcohol policy in our membership books- however, we as a chapter do not have them properly outlined as to our OWN policy, chapter wise. It's only spoken.

I suggest that we sit down as a group and put together our own alcohol policy-and vote on it, as a group. Some of the reasons why everyone's all upset is because they think the chapter has too strict a alcohol policy. Phi Sig's policy is strict, but nothing compared to our chapters policy. If we sit down EVERY SINGLE SISTER, to help put this together- and vote on it...there wont be any confusion as to what our policy is-as long as it's within the confines of Phi Sig's policy, we'll be fine.


The second thing, they discuss a lot of stuff at our E board meetings, that anyone can go to if they want....problem is, it's at Nine thirty- to please one or two of the people. This is way late for a commuter campus...plus I live an hour away, as do four of five of us. They discuss a lot of stuff that I never get to hear because I can't go. I suggest that we have someone who does E boards minutes to email them to the entire sorority so there's not a lack of communication and we all know whats' going on. For instance, we don't have a house, and evidently they were looking into one- but did anyone not on E board know about it? Nope. And I think this is wrong. I'm initiatied and every bit as important as anyone else.


Anyone have any more ideas?
I also think we should do more sisterhood events- like..slumber parties and stress relief parties, things to bring us together, and keep it cheap so everyone can come, ya know?


I'm going to email the sister who runs our Jboard today- so does anyone have any more ideas as to what we could do to help our sorority run a bit more smoothly?

Thanks!
Jess

[dzrose93]

Whew! Sounds like PhiSig is structured a lot differently than my GLO! In my chapter, every chairman reported to the executive board exactly what was being planned for chapter events so that it could be approved by the board. If exec board didn't approve something, then it wasn't done. Period. End of discussion.

No one went against the wishes of the executive board and, honestly, no one should have. The exec girls were selected by the chapter to run the chapter, and their main purpose was to insure that the sorority didn't do anything that went against National policies or campus regulations.

I can tell you right now that anyone who went behind Exec's back to do something in the chapter's name would've been hauled before Judiciary board FAST. More than likely, the person would have been suspended, not because of power issues but because it is detrimental to the chapter's well-being to have one person taking it upon herself to decide that National policies should be ignored. Ignore someone who does that and more rebellious sisters will follow. You'll find that it's a good, fast way to lose a charter.

As for the champagne glass idea, we would never have even considered having champagne glasses as party favors because there is no drinking out of letters per DZ National policy. The temptation would have been too great, so we just bypassed the issue completely. Instead, t-shirts were always made for our events as favors and that kept any alcohol issues from arising.

[kristiAZD]

I totally agree with you, dzrose93. That is exactly the way my chapter runs things also. I tried to explain it somewhat earlier, but you did a much better job of getting the point across. The issue is not power, it's about following the rules for the betterment of the chapter. Believe it or not, Nationals does keep an eye on what chapters are doing, no matter what GLO you belong to. The exec. board is voted by your chapter to ensure the safety and well-being of the chapter. If you don't understand why a rule is in place or think it's irrelevant, contact your Nationals, I'm sure they'd be more than willing to explain why. Mine did to our chapter and we have a better understanding of why these rules need to be followed. Good luck with your situation!

[33girl]

Jess, I'm so proud of you!! You've become a member only a short time ago, and you are already taking the bull by the horn to try and eliminate some of the problems in your chapter and improve things. A lot of members go through 3 years until they take as much initiative as you have. Good for you!!

As to what you said - yes this has really nothing to do with glasses or anything else - it is DEFINITELY a power struggle between 2 factions of the sorority. Kind of like when your mom and dad would have a fight supposedly over your bedtime or something, and you knew darn well it had everything to do with THEM and nothing to do with YOU.

It sounds like the late-night (relatively speaking) exec board meetings are not helping things at all. That's one of the lovely special issues you face at a commuter campus. If they refuse to change the meeting time, there should definitely be a group email or a yahoo group set up. Things like a house - the whole chapter has to vote on that and be informed of it. It can't just be "oh exec board decided blah blah blah" and they expect everyone to welcome it with open arms. It sounds like a very small faction shoved the alcohol policy through with a lot of members not knowing what it entailed and now people are saying "hey, where did this come from?"

When are your all-chapter meetings? Something better to do might be to have, for example, e board at 6 and the all chapter meeting at 7. That would be a big improvement over your current schedule. I know if I had to go to a meeting at 9:30 PM after a day of classes I'd be so exhausted I wouldn't give a @#$% if we voted to buy an elephant and put a dress on it.

Good luck, and let us know how things go.