I don't get guys!!

[SparkliiQTMTSU]

Ok here's the deal, *boy am I an idiot* anyways I dated this guy Trey awhile back and I really cared about him but Im not too good with expressing myself and I kind of let him go. well, we stayed friends and hung out and everything and i know he cared about me alot and I really hurt him *not on purpose though* and I talked to him a while ago and he had gotten him a girlfriend well I mentioned that we needed to go hang out sometime*just as friends* and he told me that we couldnt and that he couldnt be friends with me anymore!!!! He has stopped talking to me since. I mean I love this boy with all of my heart and I don't know what I am supposed to do now. I have tried to talk to him but he refuses. I just dont get it!! He has never been like this to me and I just don't understand. I know I have lost him as in relationshipwise but I dont ever want to lose him as my friend and I have tried to tell him that and it hasn't helped. I just wanted to know what his reasons were for all of a sudden not speaking to me. If anyone can give me any advice it would truly help me. I am just so hurt and confused right now thanks so much for all of your help. You guys are great!

Nichole

[James]

An off the hip opinion from a guys point of view is that he was friends with you because he wanted to be more than friends. His blowing you off now just shows he is being true to himself, he wanted something more from you and when it didn't develop he he found someone else. Obviously he classifies you as girlfriend or nothing . . . although it may be past the point of it ever working out for you two on that level.

He didn't want to be "that guy" . . .

Where do you stand, you say you love him with all your heart, but does that mean you would want to be dating him? Because it seems so in your post. Depending on how into this girl he is and how competitive you are comfortable being, you may want to tell him where you stand.

Looking back on what I have written it seems a little harsh if you are hurting . . . but it is truthful.

I'm sorry that happened to you but you really need to be true to what you feel, if you "like" him you need to make it clear before he is too serious with the other girl, if you just want to be friends, your best bet is to be persistant without giving him attitude because he is now hurting you . . .

Although I keep thinking of a similar situation I have been in and I still really don't have time for the girl even though she called me a bunch of times . . .

Good luck

[Jeff OTMG]

Sparklii, one other thing that you need to consider. He now has an obligation to gain the trust of the new girlfriend. If he has discussed his past realtionship with you with the new gf she may have expressed a concern, call it jealousy if you will, to him about him associating with you. It is not at all uncommon. I have remained friends over the years with many past gf's, sometimes their husbands are not too happy about it although we may live thousands of miles away and I am nothing more than a friend. Do they feel threatened that I was part of their wifes life before they were around? I don't know. Some of the guys are cool with it, but many are not. On the other hand I have had gf's who do not wish me to have contact with old gf's, especially the single ones. If you put yourself in the situation you may understand it better. How would you feel if your new bf had his ex-gf calling him and wanting to talk and spend time together? Would you feel threatened by her? Would she be interupting any of your time with your new bf? It may be that you can rekindle the friendship once the new gf becomes more secure. Only time will tell.

[The1calledTKE]

I agree with Jeff. The other girl needs to trust him first. Maybe when she trust him more you can be friends again.

[DeltAlum]

Well, to expose these feet of clay...

I was in roughly that situation some years ago and reacted the same way the guy did.

Truth is, I think it was probably ego that caused it. Kinda like, "You did this to me, so now I have to prove that I'm tough and not talk to you." An eye for an eye. Of course, even thirty some years later, there's still this little tiny corner of my heart reserved for her.

The good news is that after all the heartache and brain damage, the first woman and I are pretty good friends, and I've been married to the second for over thirty years.

All's well that...well, you know.

Go figure.

[SparkliiQTMTSU]

Thanks you guys for all of your help. It's really going to suck not being able to be friends with him right now. But I just really hope that one day he will come back!! I guess thats all I can do now! but again Thanks!

Nichole