Is this too much interest too soon?

Scandia · #1 12-12-2008, 09:54 PM

On Plenty of Fish, someone messaged me first. He was not quite my type- height/build, occupation, education, and most of all personality since he was so gushy and mushy it was smothering and almost overwhelming. But there were no dealbreakers in him and I did not feel a no, so I messaged him back.

On the second email, he asked if I wanted to see a ballet with him in a city a few counties away from the one where I live in (he lives in the one just west of mine). I did not reply to that, focusing instead on other things he asked. And I did tell him that I was nowhere near as romantic as he was- that even though I am idealistic and not particularly practical, that I did not know if I could give emotionally as much as he did. Because he would mainly talk about how romantic he was.

Well, he messages me today again- and gives me his number and asks if we can get together this weekend.

Is this too much interest too soon? Or just a possible incompatibility, since I would prefer to talk a bit about our hobbies, interests, backgrounds, beliefs, and the sort before meeting. Or could he be too desperate? Is he simply being clueless but deep down means well?

What do you think?

whiteandblack · #2 12-12-2008, 10:15 PM

being a pragmatist myself, I say trust your instincts about the Incompatibility.

KSUViolet06 · #3 12-12-2008, 10:22 PM

He seems really interested in you, but trust your gut. Unless you're desperate, then go ahead.

I was on Plenty of Fish at one point, but I cancelled my account after I noticed that everyone on the site was creepy.

Scandia · #4 12-12-2008, 11:04 PM

He seems like a good person. And his very caring (ok, bordering on smothering) and gushy personality are great for his job as a paramedic.

I just do not know if he is a good match for me. I need a lot of space since I am such an independent person.

That, and I do wonder if this is objectively too much interest too soon and a sign that he could turn possessive or the sort.

KSUViolet06 · #5 12-13-2008, 01:30 AM

If you're really curious, it's okay to meet for a casual lunch date and see how he is in person. If he's overzealous and creepy on your date, then you'll know not to go out with him again.

christiangirl · #6 12-13-2008, 02:55 AM

Yeah, there's a couple of flags here, but he doesn't seem too bad. I would just be a little concerned about his inability to read between the lines. Everything you said sounded very hesitant and he doesn't seem to pick up on that--he just pushed harder. Those are the guys to be careful with because pushy doesn't always just stop at annoying. I would be more firm in that you'd like things to go slowly (if that's true) and that this level of emotional attachment is a little much for you considering you haven't even met. I don't know how to put that into casual-but-firm-fit-for-a-guy speak, sorry.

I'm on Plenty of Fish as well and I have my first date on Sunday.

He seems really nice and made sure I was always comfortable. He wanted to take me out right off the bat, but when I hesitated, he said we would go as slowly as I wanted and moving to the next step would always be up to me. If/When we did start to go out, it would be no-strings-attached, at least at first. He does want this to turn into a relationship eventually but at my pace and, if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. He sounds amazing, I hope he's this cool IRL. *crosses fingers*

cheerfulgreek · #7 12-13-2008, 05:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scandia

On Plenty of Fish, someone messaged me first. He was not quite my type- height/build, occupation, education, and most of all personality since he was so gushy and mushy it was smothering and almost overwhelming. But there were no dealbreakers in him and I did not feel a no, so I messaged him back.

On the second email, he asked if I wanted to see a ballet with him in a city a few counties away from the one where I live in (he lives in the one just west of mine). I did not reply to that, focusing instead on other things he asked. And I did tell him that I was nowhere near as romantic as he was- that even though I am idealistic and not particularly practical, that I did not know if I could give emotionally as much as he did. Because he would mainly talk about how romantic he was.

Well, he messages me today again- and gives me his number and asks if we can get together this weekend.

Is this too much interest too soon? Or just a possible incompatibility, since I would prefer to talk a bit about our hobbies, interests, backgrounds, beliefs, and the sort before meeting. Or could he be too desperate? Is he simply being clueless but deep down means well?

What do you think?

cheerfulgreek · #8 12-13-2008, 06:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scandia

On Plenty of Fish, someone messaged me first. He was not quite my type- height/build, occupation, education, and most of all personality since he was so gushy and mushy it was smothering and almost overwhelming. But there were no dealbreakers in him and I did not feel a no, so I messaged him back.

On the second email, he asked if I wanted to see a ballet with him in a city a few counties away from the one where I live in (he lives in the one just west of mine). I did not reply to that, focusing instead on other things he asked. And I did tell him that I was nowhere near as romantic as he was- that even though I am idealistic and not particularly practical, that I did not know if I could give emotionally as much as he did. Because he would mainly talk about how romantic he was.

Well, he messages me today again- and gives me his number and asks if we can get together this weekend.

Is this too much interest too soon? Or just a possible incompatibility, since I would prefer to talk a bit about our hobbies, interests, backgrounds, beliefs, and the sort before meeting. Or could he be too desperate? Is he simply being clueless but deep down means well?

What do you think?

Scandia I was kidding with the popcorn emoticon, but honestly, I think you're headed for disaster with a guy like him. If you're independent and he's one of those clingy, mushy guys then this whole thing could cause more problems than you think. I dunno, it's just that he seems to be pushy like you said. Plus, he's romantic and you're not, I mean how would that work? It just seems like you want to give it a try out of desperation. I say that not to be mean or anything, but you said it yourself, he's not your type. You said he's not quite your type, education, occupation, height/build, and to top it off you said his personality. That, to me is pretty much the whole guy. I mean, isn't it? Everything except his looks. Btw, what does he look like? Cute, o.k. looking, not so good looking...you didn't mention that. If he didn't post a picture, and all you have to go from is what you listed, to us about him, I wouldn't do it. Think about it, he doesn't have the personality you want, he doesn't have the occupation you look for a guy to have, and based on what you posted he doesn't have a strong educational background. I really hope you find a good guy and all, but I would tell this guy you would rather not meet up with him.

Good luck

Scandia · #9 12-13-2008, 08:39 AM

I never said I was not romantic. I am very idealistic and daydream about finding true love very often. But I am just not mushy. It would take the right person to get affection beyond a quick hug from me- and this is with everyone, not just in the romance realm. I do give flowers and gifts- but it takes the right person for me to feel something and want to sing a love poem and the sort.

He posted pics- he somewhat taller and a bit stronger than what I would prefer, but his coloring is fine. He posted a pic of himself in uniform with a baby he delivered- if that does not give a good impression, then I do not know what will.

I agree that description-wise and picture-wise, he is not someone I would have approached first. But given the bad things that have happened (stalking, psychological abuse) and the good things that have not happened (finding the right person and having a serious long term relationship) in this domain, shouldn't I be more grateful and give him a chance?

I have not messaged him back, btw. This weekend is not good for me anyway.

Dionysus · #10 12-13-2008, 10:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scandia

I never said I was not romantic. I am very idealistic and daydream about finding true love very often. But I am just not mushy. It would take the right person to get affection beyond a quick hug from me- and this is with everyone, not just in the romance realm. I do give flowers and gifts- but it takes the right person for me to feel something and want to sing a love poem and the sort.

He posted pics- he somewhat taller and a bit stronger than what I would prefer, but his coloring is fine. He posted a pic of himself in uniform with a baby he delivered- if that does not give a good impression, then I do not know what will.

I agree that description-wise and picture-wise, he is not someone I would have approached first. But given the bad things that have happened (stalking, psychological abuse) and the good things that have not happened (finding the right person and having a serious long term relationship) in this domain, shouldn't I be more grateful and give him a chance?

I have not messaged him back, btw. This weekend is not good for me anyway.

EEKappa · #11 12-15-2008, 02:51 PM

[QUOTE=Scandia;1754206]

He posted pics- he somewhat taller and a bit stronger than what I would prefer, but his coloring is fine. QUOTE]

I'm a little late to the party here, but I daresay that this sounds like shopping for a car instead of trying to connect with a real-live person.

One of the most vivacious, professionally successful and magnetic women I know went on Match.com on a whim just to increase her options of meeting a nice guy. She got a message from someone in a town about 30 miles away. "The only person I know from there is my ex-husband, and I don't ever want to go there!" was her first response. Then she looked at the guy's picture, and said "Is that a PONYTAIL?! Oh, no way." But, she returned his message, and after corresponding for a while she was touched by his warmth, his spirituality, and his kindness.

They've now been married for 5 blissful years now, and his teenage daughters have become the children that she was never able to have on her own.

Moral of the story: it's not about the packaging.

33girl · #12 12-15-2008, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EEKappa

I'm a little late to the party here, but I daresay that this sounds like shopping for a car instead of trying to connect with a real-live person.

I think that's internet dating in general.

Scandia · #13 12-13-2008, 12:17 PM

OK please give a real response. Not emoticons that people can and will easily miss the meaning of.

If I said something problematic, please let me know so that I can correct it and apologize if necessary.

Senusret I · #14 12-13-2008, 02:12 PM

"His coloring is fine" sort of throws everything off for me. Dionysus bolded and underlined it in the quote.

Scandia · #15 12-13-2008, 02:34 PM

I mean that I like his coloring. That the coloring falls within my preferred type range, even though his height and build are not.