Marriage Age

WCsweet<3 · #1 11-10-2008, 06:13 PM

Marriage and weddings have been on my mind lately with having one of my friends be married at 22 and posts on this site about a 16 year old girl being married. I then found this article http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/...?se=yahoorefer

I know marriage age differs due to circumstances, region, religious beliefs, cultural influences, personality, family etc.

I cannot figure out how to post a poll so please just respond.
In your culture or region what age is appropriate for marriage?
before-18
18-20
20-25
25-30
30+

AlphaFrog · #2 11-10-2008, 06:22 PM

When you're both ready.

Marriages fail with couples of all ages. There isn't a perfect age. I have a friend whose parents got married at 17, and they're still married and happy almost 30 years later. My aunt's been married in her 20s, 30s, and now she just got remarried again in her 40s for the 4th time, and we'll see how long this one lasts.

Zephyrus · #3 11-12-2008, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

When you're both ready.

Marriages fail with couples of all ages. There isn't a perfect age. I have a friend whose parents got married at 17, and they're still married and happy almost 30 years later. My aunt's been married in her 20s, 30s, and now she just got remarried again in her 40s for the 4th time, and we'll see how long this one lasts.

I agree. I got married young and now I'm divorced. I don't believe it was because we were too young. It was because we hadn't a clue what marriage was really about. We thought we were both ready but we weren't.

WCsweet<3 · #4 11-10-2008, 06:26 PM

I wasn't meaning necessarily for the perfect age. I need to edit my first post. In my region, marriage in the late 20s is most common. People tend to look down on marriages earlier than that.

AlphaFrog · #5 11-10-2008, 06:34 PM

I'm sticking to my answer.

There's something about putting an age on marriage... too young, and you're criticized for not being ready, but then one day, you cross a line and if you aren't married, you're an old maid.

I think of it the same way as tha paradox of makeup...when you're younger, you use makeup to make yourself look older. Then, one day, you wake up and decide you're old enough, and you start using makeup to make yourself look younger.

DSTRen13 · #6 11-10-2008, 08:11 PM

I'd say around here (south Georgia), it's most common to get married in your early to mid-20s (for women) and late 20s to early 30s (for men). But there really is a whole range, and I wouldn't say that any age is really looked down too strongly "in this day and age". My husband and I were both 23 when we got married.

awkward1 · #7 11-10-2008, 08:34 PM

I was married at 23 and we are still going strong! Most of my college friends married their college sweethearts right out of college and so far none have gotten a divorce. *cross fingers*

preciousjeni · #8 11-10-2008, 08:44 PM

I was 27 which was a little young in my opinion. If it weren't for that biological clock, it would be nice to allow people a chance to get through their twenties before marriage - not just because of age, but because the twenties are pretty turbulent already with school, first jobs, first homes, etc.

Benzgirl · #9 11-10-2008, 08:49 PM

I haven't had one friend marry before the age of 28 in over 20 years. Most were over 30. Every one of those friends are still married.

I think that is because most were already settled into their careers and had enough money saved to go into their relationship without a huge amount of debt. I think they were also emotionally mature to make decisions: to stand up to nagging in-laws, to avoid jumping into having kids or buying too many things to keep up with the Joneses.

Is this common for the region? No, but I don't think there IS a standard. Is it common for my group of friends? Yes, but also because most of them go on to grad school or law school before jumping into a life-long commitment.

KSUViolet06 · #10 11-10-2008, 09:09 PM

I think 23-24 is probably the average in my area, since that's the age when most people are graduating from college and getting into their careers.

I know I might get flamed a bit, but I personally think any of the girls I've ever met who were 18, 19, 20 and married were just kind of, weird.

Where I'm from, the girls who got married young like that were the girls who "didn't go to college because they were married and didn't need to, because they wanted to start their families and you don't need an education to be a mommy (actual quote from my friend's married cousin who's 19)" and thought that Stanford was in Japan (yes, a girl actually said that to me). Either that, or they had some sort of reason like a baby or an impending deployment, which made them feel like they had to get married.

I also find that the girls who got married right after HS were divorced within two years and left with typically 2 kids. They then became the "socially awkward 22 year old divorcee" who parties like I did when I was 18 (because her social growth is a bit stunted).

Now I am NOT saying that every single young married girl is like that, but that's just my experience with my regional area. People just generally don't get married young under normal circumstances around here. I know that there are some areas, like where my extended family is from in Alabama, where getting married immediately after HS is completely normal.

amanda6035 · #11 11-10-2008, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I think 22-24 is probably the average in my circle, since that's the age when most people are graduating from college and getting into their careers.

I know I might get flamed a bit, but I personally think any of the girls I've ever met who were 18, 19, 20 and married were just kind of, weird.

Where I'm from, the girls who got married young like that were the girls who "didn't go to college because they were married and didn't need to, because they wanted to start their families" and thought that Stanford was in Japan (yes, a girl actually said that to me). Either that, or they had some sort of reason like a baby or an impending deployment, which made them feel like they had to get married.

I also find that the girls who got married right after HS were divorced within two years and left with typically 2 kids. They then became the "socially awkward 22 year old divorcee" who parties like I did when I was 18 (because her social growth is a bit stunted).

Now I am NOT saying that every single young married girl is like that, but that's just my experience with my regional area. I know that there are some areas, like where my extended family is from in Alabama, where getting married immediately after HS is completely normal.

Nope. That sounds about right. Bravo for saying it like it is.

*edit* I was 26, my husband, who had been married once before (at 19) was 29 when we got married.

ASTalumna06 · #12 11-11-2008, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I also find that the girls who got married right after HS were divorced within two years and left with typically 2 kids. They then became the "socially awkward 22 year old divorcee" who parties like I did when I was 18 (because her social growth is a bit stunted).

My sorority sisters, who are all generally from this area (Northwestern, PA) seem to get married younger (21, 22, 23)

One of them was engaged after her first year of college, she left to marry her fiance and live with him in Virginia (he was in the Navy and was stationed there), and they were divorced within 2 years. Now she's back around here and she parties like crazy. Definitely happens. Fortunately, there weren't any kids involved.

Three of my sisters graduated college and were engaged by mid-summer. Another sister graduated and was hoping for a proposal from her bf of a year, but things happened and they broke up, and she was devastated that she wasn't getting married. Another sister was proposed to during the winter break before her last semestser of college.

Also, a guy that my bf works with just got engaged. Him and his gf have been together for about a year. He's turning 20 in a couple weeks. He won't even be old enough to drink at his wedding, which is planned for summer 2009.

I don't know if it's a trend around here, but it's insane to me.

I also know a couple from back home (MA), and they started going out in September of 07, they were engaged by January of 08, and they're getting married in summer of 09. The guy is 25 and the girl just turned 21.

I'm 24 and I can't imagine myself being married right now. My boyfriend is younger than I am, and I think that when he's ready to get married, I'll be at least 26. Perfect

Taualumna · #13 11-11-2008, 12:46 PM

Around my circle, 26-30 seems to be the age range for marriage. All of us have an undergraduate degree and many have grad/professional degrees as well.

Munchkin03 · #14 11-12-2008, 10:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I also find that the girls who got married right after HS were divorced within two years and left with typically 2 kids. They then became the "socially awkward 22 year old divorcee" who parties like I did when I was 18 (because her social growth is a bit stunted).

I just friended a HS classmate on Facebook who just got divorced. She got married within a year of graduation (to a church guy, I believe), and now she's got 2 kids. Dude, as much as I party (and I'm hungover right now), I think she's got me beat. It's fine for me because I don't have kids.

I think I've mentioned this a few times elsewhere on the site, but where I grew up, most people got married between 21-24. A lot of the girls I grew up went to strict Christian colleges and ended up getting married while they were still in college. As far as college friends go, none of my close friends have gotten married. A few acquaintances have started families, and some of my chapter sisters are married now. We'll see how it pans out.

I would like to be on the path to marriage, or married, around my 30th birthday because I want to start having children before I'm 35. I've seen all of the stuff that women over 35 have to go through to get pregnant, and all the stuff they have to go through when they actually do get pregnant. I don't want to go through that.

nittanyalum · #15 11-11-2008, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Benzgirl

I haven't had one friend marry before the age of 28 in over 20 years. Most were over 30. Every one of those friends are still married.

I think that is because most were already settled into their careers and had enough money saved to go into their relationship without a huge amount of debt. I think they were also emotionally mature to make decisions: to stand up to nagging in-laws, to avoid jumping into having kids or buying too many things to keep up with the Joneses.

Is this common for the region? No, but I don't think there IS a standard. Is it common for my group of friends? Yes, but also because most of them go on to grad school or law school before jumping into a life-long commitment.

I wonder if it's another generational thing, Benz, because I relate with this. Except one friend is divorced, interestingly, the one who married a guy who was younger and still in his mid-20s when she was 31 at the time -- turns out he wasn't fully grown after all. I'll always be glad I "had my 20s" to myself, I had the time of my life and became who I am. And looking back, I can't imagine one guy I dated in high school or college (or even my early 20s) I could still imagine being with. But, as with everything, YMMV.