Advice Please!

SophieCat · #1 08-16-2008, 03:42 PM

I am a 19 year old college sophomore, and my 16 year old sister is a senior in high school. Our parents are in the process of purchasing a new car, and they are planning on giving the old car to my younger sister. I do not have a car. Both of us are still learning how to drive, but will probably both get licenses soon. I couldn't my license when I was her age because my mom refused to drive with me, and I rarely saw my dad. I need a car so I can get a full-time job and an internship and visit home more often. My sister needs it so she can check out of school early. She lives at home and since she is 16 it will be difficult for her to get any job at all. To me, this seems terribly unfair. I could pay for my own gas and my insurance would be cheaper sooner. I am obligated to depend on my friends and boyfriend to drive me around when I need to go home or run an errand- problems she doesn't have. I had to check out of school early every day when I was her age, and I had to again depend on others to drive me around. I am tired of being forced to depend on friends and they probably feel the same way. My parents will not take me seriously and insist it is my sister's right because "she asked first". What can I do to convince them of my point of view?

I wrote my mom a note listing all of the reasons I need a car more, but if she even read it she didn't respond. I would be more than happy to work to buy my own car, but since I don't already have one I can't get a job!

Tom Earp · #2 08-16-2008, 03:50 PM

Hm, I never had a car until I got marreid my senior year!

The youngest gets the left overs and maybe your parents feel that you have your feet on the ground than she does! Sucks don't it!

Oh, so maybe you need to get your head straight and worry about college instead of a car!

So do you want to get laid in the back seat of the car?

Oh, your Car so to speack?

catiebug · #3 08-16-2008, 03:56 PM

And Mr Classy rears his head once again.

preciousjeni · #4 08-16-2008, 03:56 PM

Do you live near a bus/train system? Or is there a place that's close enough to walk to? A lot of people get by without a car.

preciousjeni · #5 08-16-2008, 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tom Earp

Hm, I never had a car until I got marreid my senior year!

The youngest gets the left overs and maybe your parents feel that you have your feet on the ground than she does! Sucks don't it!

Oh, so maybe you need to get your head straight and worry about college instead of a car!

So do you want to get laid in the back seat of the car?

Oh, your Car so to speack?

SophieCat, it's not rude to ignore people like this on GC.

SophieCat · #6 08-16-2008, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

Do you live near a bus/train system? Or is there a place that's close enough to walk to? A lot of people get by without a car.

Unfortunately the bus system in my city is REALLY sketchy, and there is no train/subway system.

I guess this is more about my parents choosing to give it to her instead of me. I would still be disappointed if there was no car at all, but I would be okay with it since she'd be in the same hole.

preciousjeni · #7 08-16-2008, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SophieCat

Unfortunately the bus system in my city is REALLY sketchy, and there is no train/subway system.

I guess this is more about my parents choosing to give it to her instead of me. I would still be disappointed if there was no car at all, but I would be okay with it since she'd be in the same hole.

I see. Well, now you have insight that you might not have had if you become a parent yourself. Brush yourself off and do what you need to do.

EE-BO · #8 08-16-2008, 10:45 PM

As the elder daughter, I see your gut reaction to this. I am the oldest son, and regardless of the circumstances and need- I would have been upset in this situation too.

Based on your post, the immediate advantage I see for your parents is that by giving your sister the car is that she will be covered on getting home when school gets out early. That relieves a burden on them that does not really exist with you since you are already out of the house and at college.

My parents were pretty strict about cars. I got my first hand-me-down vehicle on getting my license, but with the provision that I had to take my little brother and sister to school. This made sense since all 3 of us went to the same school, but at times I had to prioritize my schedule since our after school activities ended at various times. I was not happy then, but looking back I did get a free car, insurance and a gas credit card I never had to pay for. Hard to complain.

All 3 of us were denied cars our freshman and sophomore years of college. I got around that by luck since I just borrowed trucks from other guys in the fraternity when I needed to run an errand on my own. But still, it kind of sucked those times when I could not borrow a vehicle with so much to do while my brother and sister had cars back home that they did not use as often as I would have used a car of my own.

In reconciling yourself with this situation, my advice is as follows,

1. Could your parents afford for you both to have cars they were paying for? And by afford I don't just mean they have the money, but that their own lives and future savings would not be affected by the expenditure.

2. Do you really think there is favoritism at play, or can you come up with practical reasons why they made the decision they did? Any by practical- I mean practical for them.

3. How badly do you NEED a car, versus just wanting it for the freedom and convenience? What can you do to make your life work easier- i.e. planning your errands to coincide with friends and ride with them etc. Based on your answer to that, how much do you want to press your parents to make a ruling in your favor at the risk of starting a small war- your sister for a start will surely not be happy if you get your way.

I ask this fully knowing and understanding your frustration because I have been there too and at the time I hated it. With age and experience, I realize how lucky I was that not having my own car for 2 years of college was the worst "challenge" I faced.

And that is why I pose these question. Whatever your relationship with your family- both now and both what you hope for in the future- please weigh that carefully in deciding how to proceed.

preciousjeni · #9 08-16-2008, 10:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EE-BO

My parents were pretty strict about cars. I got my first hand-me-down vehicle on getting my license, but with the provision that I had to take my little brother and sister to school. This made sense since all 3 of us went to the same school, but at times I had to prioritize my schedule since our after school activities ended at various times. I was not happy then, but looking back I did get a free car, insurance and a gas credit card I never had to pay for. Hard to complain.

That's EXACTLY what happened to me with my first car!!! LOL!

EE-BO · #10 08-16-2008, 10:55 PM

Doesn't it suck preciousjeni?

My senior year I had so many credits I only had to take 5 classes in the spring semester. So I did not have to be on campus until 10AM every day. So for 5 months I got up at 7:30 in the morning to drive my brother and sister to school, came home and went back to bed, and then got up at 9- showered, got dressed and went to class.

I laugh about it now, but it was not cool at the time- especially Monday mornings after those times I would drive up to Texas for the weekend to "explore student organization opportunities".

preciousjeni · #11 08-16-2008, 11:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EE-BO

Doesn't it suck preciousjeni?

My senior year I had so many credits I only had to take 5 classes in the spring semester. So I did not have to be on campus until 10AM every day. So for 5 months I got up at 7:30 in the morning to drive my brother and sister to school, came home and went back to bed, and then got up at 9- showered, got dressed and went to class.

I laugh about it now, but it was not cool at the time- especially Monday mornings after those times I would drive up to Texas for the weekend to "explore student organization opportunities".

STOP LYIN!!! My senior year, I had the same situation except that I was off really early in the afternoon. I always had to wait until my little brother and my other passenger got out.

I went to school an hour (driving) away from where I lived, so a car was a necessity as both of my parents worked. I commuted two hours a day just for school, not to mention toting my little brother around to various extracurricular events. I really didn't have the car to myself until the weekends and then only if my parents were able to take my brother to his weekend activities.

He HATED riding in my car though because I had control of the radio and I drove crazy. He would tattle on me and be like "she drives 85 mph in a 55 mph zone." What a whiner. We're two years apart. LOL!