What should I do?

[weasuhl]

*I apologize if this is the wrong section, new here

Hello everyone!

Here to ask for advice on my current situation.

I go to a very small school and I'm fairly happy here, however, recently I've been very curious as to how different my life would be if I attended a larger school, such as a D2 or D1. (15,000+ is what i'm looking for, my school has about 4,000 on campus 1200 off campus). I've visited friends at these larger schools and I can't help but to feel they're getting more out of their college experience. We recently had a fraternity kicked off campus (lost recognition from the university) and that allowed someone from nationals (i'll leave out the name of this fraternity) to come to the university looking to found a chapter. He got a group of intent of 12 during this semester and a pledge class of 3. Because it was there first semester here they decided to try to have two pledge classes which would have resulted in another 3 but unfortunately two students were not qualified and are believed to definitely be rushing next semester (we've basically told them they're in, just get the qualifications and come back to us). Anyway, I was the one qualified pledge. I'm going through new member education very quickly because they're trying to get me to take the national test before May. I realize bonds are for life. The first thing I did was research what universities had chapters of the orginization (i'm not joining just for letters, I really like the open motto and history of the fraternity). There are only about 40 active chapters, those present at larger schools are all at very good universities such as carnegie mellon, cal berk, etc. I'm not sure if I can quite get into one of those schools (2000 on my SAT if they bother to look, 3.55 college gpa, several extracurriculars, employed by the university, etc). But i'm sure I could get into a slightly less "exclusive" larger school but if I was enticed by the greek life there I wouldn't be able to pledge for anyone.

EDIT: PLEASE LOOK AT POST #8

Here's where my situation may differentiate a little bit. As of right now, I'm told that my chapter has "group of intent" status and they are "Recognized by the university but not by nationals". No one has been officially initiated into the fraternity yet because since we do not have full chapter status we need someone from nationals to come conduct the ceremony for us. However, every brother has passed the national exam and registered for the website, submitting their social security number. I don't forsee the chapter getting full status until at least the end of next semester, probably the next. Which is precisely when I would be hearing back from transfer prospects should I try to transfer.

As scumbaggy as i feel asking this, if no one has been initiated, if the group of intent or provisional chapter isn't recognized by nationals, would I still be able to transfer and pledge elsewhere?

Basically, I feel as if joining would make my time at this University much better. But I can't help but feel I don't belong at this university in general. If I am stuck here, I would definitely like to pledge. In my eyes, this fraternity is going to be the best on campus (for me, at least). I'm just not sure what to do. I'm thinking that life is short, time is ticking, I don't want to spend several years doing x thing when I could have had a much better time doing y thing.

Also if this matters in terms of recognition and being able to pledge another fraternity elsewhere, there's a secret handshake and password, our group of intent hasn't been told that yet. I just feel like the lack of initiation and all that would, if I for some reason do decide to pledge elsewhere, possibly allow me to do so.

I know i'm going to get hammered by "joining just for letters" "why would you want to pledge elsewhere" etc etc, to be completely honest with you I understand what you're saying but in my situation there's 14 people, two of which are graduating, part of a group of intent (they themselves passed the national test less than 6 months ago), in a very isolated small town I'm beginning to regret being in. I'm just not sure, wanted to post openly for advice. Any advice at all is appreciated. Thank you!

[FSUZeta]

If you have not been initiated, you are free to join another organization. There is nothing douchy about your questions, IMO. You are looking ahead and being realistic.

Are you planning to be at your current college one more year (I assume this would be your sophomore year coming up?)? So you would be transferring as a junior (providing all the credits from your current school transfer)?

Fraternities on the whole seem to be more flexible in accepting new members who are not freshmen, so as long as you were flexible in your choices and open to all the chapters at your future school, you would stand a better chances of being extended a bid.

[weasuhl]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

If you have not been initiated, you are free to join another organization. There is nothing douchy about your questions, IMO. You are looking ahead and being realistic.

Are you planning to be at your current college one more year (I assume this would be your sophomore year coming up?)? So you would be transferring as a junior (providing all the credits from your current school transfer)?

Fraternities on the whole seem to be more flexible in accepting new members who are not freshmen, so as long as you were flexible in your choices and open to all the chapters at your future school, you would stand a better chances of being extended a bid.

Time-wise it is my second semester at my current university but I transferred in 14 credits from high school. Two of the founding fathers are the two that are graduating, so obviously they went through the process just for one semester of involvement (involvement on campus, of course they can assist the chapter as an alumni). So would it be okay for me to continue with the process and pass the national test and enjoy one or two semesters as a brother of the group of intent/provisional chapter? I would feel bad taking up the new member educator's time with teaching me about the fraternity and preparing me for the test just to transfer. However I do see a angle where that's fine because in exchange I'm doing a lot for the fraternity as well. It's not like I would join and switch schools without having contributed anything.

[DubaiSis]

That's going to have to be your decision. Fraternity colonies can take a very long time, so the chances of a founding father not making it to initiation I would think is pretty common. You're just going to have to go with your gut on this one.

[33girl]

Your comment about they're trying to rush you through pledgeship made me a little leery. Have you mentioned to any of the brothers or national staff that you're thinking about transferring?

[weasuhl]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Your comment about they're trying to rush you through pledgeship made me a little leery. Have you mentioned to any of the brothers or national staff that you're thinking about transferring?

If you mean in the sense that they're trying to lock me in or something I doubt that is the case. I was told that they're trying to move me along the process a bit faster because I'm the only one in the pledge class and since we're students first they're trying to keep as many fraternal obligations out of final week as possible.

I've told all the brothers, yes. Like I said there reply was they hope they give me a reason to stay. While I'm sure joining would make my experience here a lot better I still think I would prefer attending a larger school. I would've started at one but I didn't have the GPA right out of high school (2.8gpa, 14 college credits and 2k SAT got me close to a full ride to a not-so-good 4 year school).

[33girl]

All I can say is, keep this about school first. If you can't get the major you want at your school or feel like you're missing out on other academic opportunities, that's what should guide you. Also keep in mind that your tuition and everything else will probably go up and there's the chance that you would get to the new school and not be able to afford a fraternity. You mentioned CMU as an option, and it is CRAZY expensive.

I went to a school of 6000 and while it would have been fun to go to big time college football games and such, I don't feel like I missed a thing. Not only am I still close with my sorority sisters 2 decades later, the whole Greek system in general is. Yes when you're in school sometimes it seems like everyone is up each others' asses and to the left. Yes we didn't have fancy houses. But for me, those things were so outweighed by the love and acceptance I found and continue to find.

It's up to you to weigh pros and cons and stay true to yourself, but as I said, keep this about SCHOOL FIRST. Good luck!

[weasuhl]

Originally Posted by 33girl

All I can say is, keep this about school first. If you can't get the major you want at your school or feel like you're missing out on other academic opportunities, that's what should guide you. Also keep in mind that your tuition and everything else will probably go up and there's the chance that you would get to the new school and not be able to afford a fraternity. You mentioned CMU as an option, and it is CRAZY expensive.

I went to a school of 6000 and while it would have been fun to go to big time college football games and such, I don't feel like I missed a thing. Not only am I still close with my sorority sisters 2 decades later, the whole Greek system in general is. Yes when you're in school sometimes it seems like everyone is up each others' asses and to the left. Yes we didn't have fancy houses. But for me, those things were so outweighed by the love and acceptance I found and continue to find.

It's up to you to weigh pros and cons and stay true to yourself, but as I said, keep this about SCHOOL FIRST. Good luck!

I get what you're saying. It's just hard to decide..you only live once, you know? I want live in the best way for me.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by weasuhl

I get what you're saying. It's just hard to decide..you only live once, you know? I want live in the best way for me.

My $0.02—this isn't just about deciding whether to transfer or not. Remember that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. You very well could get to a new school and find that nothing has really changed or that it's not what you hoped it would be.

As 33girl said, if it's a matter of academics or where you really think you'd thrive, that's one thing. But if it's more a matter of "I wonder if it'd be different somewhere bigger," then I think that can be a risky reason to transfer. It might work out, it might not. You're likely seeing an idealized version of your friends' experiences. Trust me, I've been there, more than once.

The most important decision, I think, could be choosing to be happy where you are and to make the most of what your school has to offer—including what a smaller campus can offer that a larger one can't.

Good luck!

[AOII Angel]

Good points, 33 and MC. You may transfer and have the time of your life, but be prepared to transfer and be miserable. IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. You've made a place at your school with friends and brothers. You won't have this at Big Name U. You also won't necessarily get a bid to any fraternity. In the end, it is your choice. Some people are doers and make leaps. Some people are content with what they have and make the best of that. Either way, you may regret your decisions. That's called life. There are no guarantees.

[sdtennisgal]

Weasuhl: I don't post much, but I happened to see your post and thought I would comment. I was in a somewhat similar situation (I was at a smaller private school) where I was just not getting the college experience I was looking for. In addition, I decided to change my major (which was probably the biggest factor that ultimately motivated my transfer). I was initiated into my sorority, so my only option upon transferring to a large state university was to either affiliate or go to alumnae status. I ended up fitting in much better with the girls at the large state school than with the girls at my original chapter. And my college experience was much better after transferring.
However, as 33girl and MysticCat wisely point out, the first concern should be on academics and long term goals. And AOII Angle is very correct: You might be miserable. I would point out one thing you have not discussed: What do your parents have to say on this? My decision to transfer came after some very long discussions with my father and the pro's and con's of transferring. If you DO decide to transfer, let the members of your colony know what your plans are, and wish them the best.

[weasuhl]

I also posted: http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=140659

I'm now 99% sure I want to transfer out.

https://talk.collegeconfidential.com...prospects.html

Are my list of possible schools. It's a very broad list right now but I still have about a year to decide so in that time I'm sure it'll narrow. As of right now, I believe:

80%+ chance of admission at
University of Colorado at Boulder
Virginia Tech
University of Ohio
Washington State
West Virginia University
Western Oregon
Michigan State
Purdue University
Wake Forest University

With a decent chance at
California Berk (although i'm out of state)
Carnegie Mellon
Colgate University (possibly a bit more of a reach, not sure I want to attend)

Other colleges I'm not sure of.

Here's where greek life comes in..once again I'm not sure about joining the fraternity I received a bid and am currently pledging for. They just started this semester so obviously there are some kinks that need to be worked out, but nonetheless incidents that make me hesitant to join. I know some of you had great experiences in small organizations but since I will be transferring to a larger school there will be very nice greek organization houses, etc that I'll probably be attracted to. I'm just not sure if I want to commit to a social fraternity here to enjoy it for about 2 semesters and 3 weeks and then transfer several thousand miles away.

The catch here is that throughout my life i've done little service/philanthropy on my own time. The current calendar for the fraternity is, to me, overwhelming. I'm sure all of these things would look superb on a transfer application or resume. What I'm trying to say is, I'm not even sure if i'll be able to transfer without the fraternity's help. I definitely don't wish to "use" the fraternity for a resume builder, that's just immoral. I'm just really not sure.

I've tried looking into colleges "without greek life" and there are some prospects there, Western Oregon, Michigan State, for example. I've also considered I could always join a service fraternity at my new school. I'm just not sure.

As I said before, I really think joining the fraternity would make my experience at my current university better but i'm 99% sure I plan to transfer. I'm just not sure what to do. I'm about three weeks away from initiation, with a lot of doubts about how to spend the next three years of my life. Please, post away.

Also, although I'm sure the majority of you here are involved in Greek life, have any of you been in the situation where you transferred and there was not a chapter of your frat/sor there? More specifically, did you feel excluded from any social aspects or service aspects, any feelings of longing to want to be included, any feelings of regret?

Thanks. & if you actually look at the link feel free to chance me at the various schools, much appreciated!

[weasuhl]

http://colleges.usnews.rankingsandre...niversity-3242

Carnegie was like a "dream school" for me and is regarded as extremely prestigious by all those around me..the link above describes it as a university where 20% of students are affiliated with greek life..not sure how many of those 20% are social vs service but yeah..I feel as if I might get an "excluded" feeling attending CMU.

[andthen]

Originally Posted by weasuhl

I also posted: http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=140659

I'm now 99% sure I want to transfer out.

https://talk.collegeconfidential.com...prospects.html

Are my list of possible schools. It's a very broad list right now but I still have about a year to decide so in that time I'm sure it'll narrow. As of right now, I believe:

80%+ chance of admission at
University of Colorado at Boulder
Virginia Tech
University of Ohio
Washington State
West Virginia University
Western Oregon
Michigan State
Purdue University
Wake Forest University

With a decent chance at
California Berk (although i'm out of state)
Carnegie Mellon
Colgate University (possibly a bit more of a reach, not sure I want to attend)

Other colleges I'm not sure of.

Here's where greek life comes in..once again I'm not sure about joining the fraternity I received a bid and am currently pledging for. They just started this semester so obviously there are some kinks that need to be worked out, but nonetheless incidents that make me hesitant to join. I know some of you had great experiences in small organizations but since I will be transferring to a larger school there will be very nice greek organization houses, etc that I'll probably be attracted to. I'm just not sure if I want to commit to a social fraternity here to enjoy it for about 2 semesters and 3 weeks and then transfer several thousand miles away.

The catch here is that throughout my life i've done little service/philanthropy on my own time. The current calendar for the fraternity is, to me, overwhelming. I'm sure all of these things would look superb on a transfer application or resume. What I'm trying to say is, I'm not even sure if i'll be able to transfer without the fraternity's help. I definitely don't wish to "use" the fraternity for a resume builder, that's just immoral. I'm just really not sure.

I've tried looking into colleges "without greek life" and there are some prospects there, Western Oregon, Michigan State, for example. I've also considered I could always join a service fraternity at my new school. I'm just not sure.

As I said before, I really think joining the fraternity would make my experience at my current university better but i'm 99% sure I plan to transfer. I'm just not sure what to do. I'm about three weeks away from initiation, with a lot of doubts about how to spend the next three years of my life. Please, post away.

Also, although I'm sure the majority of you here are involved in Greek life, have any of you been in the situation where you transferred and there was not a chapter of your frat/sor there? More specifically, did you feel excluded from any social aspects or service aspects, any feelings of longing to want to be included, any feelings of regret?

Thanks. & if you actually look at the link feel free to chance me at the various schools, much appreciated!

Ok I'm going to provide a response with the assumption that you are 100% going to leave although I have no way of predicting the future. I did transfer from a small school with greek life to another small school without greek life. For me the decision was in part due to the major I wanted to pursue that wasn't offered at the college I started off with. As far as missing out on the social or service aspects with going to a school without greek life. I will be honest my course of study kept me plenty busy, and there was an abundance to get involved according to my schedule. That's the one great thing about college you have a variety of opportunities to pursue activities. I don't feel like I missed out on anything.

With regard to prospects and building up your resume in order to transfer to another school, at least in my case which was a while ago, the primary thing the school I pursued cared about were my grades. The secondary thing they looked at were the types of classes I was taking that contributed to my grades. For example if you have a 4.0 and taking a heavy science and math concentration its a lot different than having a 4.0 and taking heavy basket weaving concentration (unless of course you're pursuing the arts).

Secondly I am a bit concerned about your statement about nice greek houses at a larger campus that you might be drawn to. This is sort of like the analogy a person is focused on one thing at a moment in time, and then "oooh bright shiny object" With those "nice" houses may have various caveats, like higher dues, or requirements that you live in the house etc. So just because a house is "nice" be prepared for a potential trade-off.

In closing, really the decision to continue with the fraternity you're involved with while you remain at your current school is ultimately your decision. As is determining whether or not you want to transfer. Although I would encourage you to base your decision to transfer on what is best for you in pursuit of your educational and future career path. I wish you success on whatever you end up deciding on.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Wait, does the fraternity you're pledging now not have a chapter at any of the schools you are considering? Or is it not a national group?

Also, you are pretty clearly some type of engineering student. Nobody looking at your application at the bigger schools is going to give a rat's ass about your philanthropy work.