Looking for some perspective about recruitment...

[CallaLilly13]

So I've been breezing through this site on and off for the past couple of months trying to decide whether or not to go through recruitment. Learning from some of the posts I've read, I've chosen not to disclose my location or school. I will say that I am somewhere in the western half of the US, I'm a junior transfer, and the time for me to make the decision to rush or not is fast approaching. I'm genuinely torn about it. On the one hand I almost feel that I'm too old to do it and wouldn't have much in common with the 17 and 18 year olds that I'd being going through it with. But on the other hand I want to make the best of my time on campus by being really involved and meet a lot of new people. Being apart of greek life seems to be a good way to do this. A close friend of mine was in a sorority as an undergrad and has been encouraging me to at least try it. But my boyfriend who was in a fraternity as an undergrad doesn't think it's a good idea. I literally have a few days to decide and as of right now don't know what I'm going to do. Does anyone have any advice or suggestions for me? Some perspective from outside my circle could be helpful. Thanks everyone!

[SoCalGirl]

Going through rush/recruitment does not commit you to a sorority for life. That's what initiation is for. I think you should give it a shot. At worst you have some hurt feelings. At best you gain life long sisterhood.

You're on a message board where the majority of active users belong to Greek organizations. I highly doubt you'll find someone here who will tell you not to do it.

But as SoCalGirl said, you have no obligation to join just by going through recruitment. If you're extended an invitation to join, you'll go through a new member period before you're initiated.

[Fleur de Lis]

I went through as a junior transfer from another school in the system, and it was one of the best decisions I made in college. You get an instant social calendar and meet tons of people through recruitment and in the sorority. It really wasn't an issue being with 18 year-olds - I was able to make friends in every pledge class because I was a little older. I'm curious why your boyfriend doesn't think it's a good idea because there are lots of date parties and ways for him to be involved in it with you. Let us know if you decide to go through! Good luck!

[CallaLilly13]

Thanks for the replies. I think my hesitation comes more from being nervous about my junior status affecting my recruitment. To complicate matters, I'm already involved with the school through another group and know a few of the girls in the sororities pretty well through this venue. So I'm worried that it's going to be awkward during and after. I guess my biggest fears are stemming from getting cut and feeling weird around them; especially since I've become friends with a couple of them. I haven't even mentioned to them that I'm considering going through recruitment. I’m not sure why my boyfriend doesn’t want me to do it. He’s older and has been out of undergrad for awhile. He thinks that I won’t have time and that I'm not in the same place that most of the girls who do it are.

[AlethiaSi]

Originally Posted by CallaLilly13

Thanks for the replies. I think my hesitation comes more from being nervous about my junior status affecting my recruitment. To complicate matters, I'm already involved with the school through another group and know a few of the girls in the sororities pretty well through this venue. So I'm worried that it's going to be awkward during and after. I guess my biggest fears are stemming from getting cut and feeling weird around them; especially since I've become friends with a couple of them. I haven't even mentioned to them that I'm considering going through recruitment. I’m not sure why my boyfriend doesn’t want me to do it. He’s older and has been out of undergrad for awhile. He thinks that I won’t have time and that I'm not in the same place that most of the girls who do it are.

Well, to me, it is more advantageous to have younger girls pledge, however, I don't think there is anything wrong with having upperclassmen pledge, in our org, it doesn't work against you though we do consider it. I think upperclassmen are often more enthusiastic and are more involved, maybe because they realize what life is like without a sisterhood. Idk how it is at other schools, but I think it's a shame for groups to completely rule girls out because of age.

In terms of another group, it might be slightly awkward if you and the girls make it so, but it's good that you are involved in other activities and this should be beneficial, especially already having connections to sisters in various organizations.

Also, with your boyfriend, he can have his opinions, but essentially this is your life. Thats all i'm going to say about that

Good luck in your decision, and as others have already said, recruitment does not automatically determine membership, go through it, and see how you feel
Read the other recruitment threads for advice and stories and know that everyone's experience is different It might be one of the best things to ever happen to you.

[AlwaysSAI]

Like others have said, go to recruitment--what do you have to lose?

And, getting cut, it's happened to the best of us. We've all been through it and it's a fact of greek life. There are many things that can impact your status as a PNM that you would only ever learn as a sister. I'm sure the girls you're friends with will try really hard not to make it awkward.

I say, go for it. At least--so that you won't always wonder "what if..."

Keep us updated!

[LegallyBrunette]

Calla,
Your situation reminds me a little bit of my own experience with recuitment. I too was a junior transfer with an older boyfriend who was not very supportive of my interest in Greek Life. I'm also going to suggest you go through with recruitment. To address a couple of your concerns:

Even if you ultimately decide a sorority isn't for you, recruitment can be a great way to meet people. Also, I wouldn't worry too much about things being weird with women you already know from other organizations. Assuming you get along with these women already, your involvement in other groups on campus will make you a more attractive PNM and give you common ground to talk about during the parties (thus making it less potentially awkward, rather than moreso). And, I would hope that if recruitment didn't work out for you, the women you know from other involvement would be mature enough not to make things uncomfortable for you afterwards. Without knowing them personally, or where you go to school, this is just an assumption though.

As far as your pledge sisters being younger than you, it's all a matter of attitude. I was lucky that I transferred to a school with deferred recruitment so my pledge class was composed of other juniors & sophomores. Even so, I still became very close with younger women who were initiated after me.

Finally, a non supportive boyfriend can be a challenge. However, once my bf saw how happy Theta Phi made me, he slowly began to come around. Hopefully yours would do the same.

Good luck with whatever you decide! If you're interested I posted my recruitment story here. It's the only thread I've started, so it shouldn't be too hard to find

-J

ps, love your name

[KSUViolet06]

If you think that you'll regret not doing it, then I say you should go through recruitment. You have nothing to lose by going through. Even if you don't receive a bid, you will have met tons of new people.

And I know you love your boyfriend, but this is a decision you need to make for yourself.

[barnard1897]

I'm sure you care about your boyfriend's opinion and all. I know I did in college. He was a sophomore at the end of a pledge period for his fraternity. He found out I (as a freshman) was going through FR (we had deferred). He tried to talk my roommate and I out of it. He said it was not a good idea, that he knew some women in houses and he didn't care for them.

Yeah. Well, I went through. I pledged. I became a top officer. Then I graduated. Then I became an adviser. Followed by a network specialist position with HQ. Followed by a role with my GLO's foundation. Oh, and I also married that boyfriend, who figured out that my sorority relationship was going to last a long, long time.

And guess who's corp bd treasurer for his house now? TWENTY YEARS LATER.

Boyfriends are great. They care and mean well. But you must do what you feel is right. 20 years later, my sister-in-law and my BF are still kicking themselves that they dropped out of FR because of pressure from their boyfriends. (Whom they also married).

Listen to your voice-it's the only one that matters here.

[CallaLilly13]

So I bit the bullet and went through with recruitment. I'm almost done so head over to the story section if you want to hear how it's gone.