Boyfriend & rush?

[Sweetheart23]

I will be starting college this fall and I am super excited!
I really want to rush the whole experience seems wonderful and I cannot wait to make a bunch of new friends (:
My question is: is rushing/sorority life make having a serious relationship difficult?
(me & my boyfriend have been together for about 3 years now)

[Always AlphaGam]

Originally Posted by Sweetheart23

I will be starting college this fall and I am super excited!
I really want to rush the whole experience seems wonderful and I cannot wait to make a bunch of new friends (:
My question is: is rushing/sorority life make having a serious relationship difficult?
(me & my boyfriend have been together for about 3 years now)

I think if a relationship begins to get difficult it won't be because of rushing or being in a sorority.

My HS BF and I broke up my freshman year of college because the relationship had pretty much run its course. Other things became more interesting as we matured into adults. It was devastating at first, but looking back it was inevitable.

Not saying this will happen to you, just pointing out that college/university life in general can pose challenges to high school relationships.

[victoriana]

Originally Posted by Sweetheart23

I will be starting college this fall and I am super excited!
I really want to rush the whole experience seems wonderful and I cannot wait to make a bunch of new friends (:
My question is: is rushing/sorority life make having a serious relationship difficult?
(me & my boyfriend have been together for about 3 years now)

Not at all. Plenty of sorority women have serious relationships. I think problems arise when the boyfriend isn't a part of Greek life and hates it/doesn't get it/doesn't approve. If that's the case, just forget him. There's no guarantee you'll be with him in the future, and college is all about you. Basing any major decision that's about you on a guy is just silly. If you want to go through recruitment, you should do it because it's what you want, no matter what he thinks.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Sweetheart23

I will be starting college this fall and I am super excited!
I really want to rush the whole experience seems wonderful and I cannot wait to make a bunch of new friends (:
My question is: is rushing/sorority life make having a serious relationship difficult?
(me & my boyfriend have been together for about 3 years now)

Starting college in itself is stressful on a relationship (no matter how long you've been together), not specifically Greek Life. This is particularly so if you're going to be long distance (as a lot of couples are when they go to school in diff places.)

If that's something you want to participate in, I wouldn't change my mind just because of a boy. I can't tell you how many girls come here wanting to rush as juniors saying they wish they would have done it sooner but didn't because their focus was on their HS boyfriend (whom they broke up with.)

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Starting college in itself is stressful on a relationship (no matter how long you've been together), not specifically Greek Life. This is particularly so if you're going to be long distance (as a lot of couples are when they go to school in diff places.)

If that's something you want to participate in, I wouldn't change my mind just because of a boy. I can't tell you how many girls come here wanting to rush as juniors saying they wish they would have done it sooner but didn't because their focus was on their HS boyfriend (whom they broke up with.)

Which reminds me of something that still makes me laugh 15 years later:

One of my college buddies was a semi-Black nationalist who was anti-establishment in many regards. He considered Blacks in GLOs to be a betrayal of Blackness. His high school girlfriend was on the anti-establishment kick with him until she got to college and fell in love with NPHC sororities, one in particular. He threatened that he would break up with her if she pledged. She pledged a sorority and he called her a fool and broke up with her. She did a very wise thing. She could've abandoned the collegiate sorority opportunity and even ruined her chances by being anti-NPHC which could've had a lasting impact even if she tried alumnae chapter. Instead, she realized that people in their teens and 20s tend to be super finicky; and high school and college relationships usually "come and go." She would've been bitter if she had followed his anti-NPHC rants and they ended up breaking up for other reasons.

[DubaiSis]

A girl I grew up with dated a sum total of 1 guy. From the time she was 15. And she was a collegiate member of a sorority and is now a doctor. They're still together which defies about 200 different odds. But it shows it can be done.

I've also known girls who didn't pledge because it would interfere with the relationship and 6 months later they have neither the guy nor the sorority. This variation is probably more common.

[LAblondeGPhi]

I know of three women from my chapter (two are my age, one a year older) who are married to their high school boyfriends. One of them did break up with her boyfriend for a few months freshman year, but I think that would have happened regardless of joining a sorority. All of these relationships were long-distance, too.

Is there a specific concern that you have about how joining a sorority will affect your relationship? If it's a time issue, then just keep in mind that there are going to be weekly meetings and during your first semester you'll also have weekly new member meetings. It will be a time commitment, but no more than any high school sports team or other major college organizations (student government, alumni association, etc.)

If you're concerned about the social elements of mixing with fraternities - keep in mind that at college in general you'll be living on the same dorm floor as men, there will be plenty of parties, etc. The most important thing to keep in mind, and this is the case for college life in general, is that underage drinking happens and it's one of the faster ways to put your relationship in jeopardy. This is independent of Greek life, but often something blamed on Greek life. Being a classy, appropriate young lady is something you should strive for regardless of what organizations you join.

Good luck!

[MaryPoppins]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

I've also known girls who didn't pledge because it would interfere with the relationship and 6 months later they have neither the guy nor the sorority. This variation is probably more common.

^^^^
This more the rule than just being a common occurrence, with exceptions to this rule being very few and very far between.

[BraveMaroon]

I had a long-distance relationship and pledged as a frosh.

The boyfriend and I did break up in April, and though you couldn't have told me anything at the time, I know we'd have been smarter to sever ties before we left for college five states away from each other.

The sorority connection lasted not only four years of college but in the fifteen years since.

I don't know the OP's situation, but I will refer to the words a wise friend once gave me:

"Why would you bring sand to the beach?"

I will say that though he broke my heart back then - he and I both turned out fine. I met my spouse in college, he met his several years after - and we've both lived happily ever after - just not together.

[samaroni]

Do not let your boyfriend affect your decision about rushing. I was just initiated into my sorority and I can tell you that just through out the new member process I have made some of the most amazing friends ever. I had a boyfriend for two and a half years, and when we came to college we were on again/off again. He didn't support me joining a sorority but ultimately we broke up and I would have regretted it if I had listened to him.

Also, I know everyone is talking about how your relationship might not last and that you shouldn't make decisions about your life based on him because of it. Well that's kind of depressing. So think of it this way, yes you are in a relationship, but you are two individuals and individuals make their own decisions and are independent. And in a way being in a sorority or any club or organization kind of prepares you for when you have a job and real responsibilities and can't spend every moment with each other.

So make your own decisions about it, don't let your relationship affect it.

I'm done rambling now.

[Sciencewoman]

I advise a new chapter. During pref. night of extension week, one of the PNMs told me that her boyfriend (whom she'd been dating since HS, and they are both students at the same university) was the one who had really encouraged her to come to the extension recruitment events. They hung out together and with his guy friends, but most of her HS friends had gone to other schools and she hadn't made many new girl friends in college because she was always hanging out with him/the guys. He thought it would be good for her to meet more women and have her own set of friends. I thought that was the sign of a healthy relationship and quite mature of him. She is a charter member of the chapter, and was one of the first year Exec. Officers, and yes...they're still together.

The bottom line for me is that a significant other who tries to keep you from exploring individual interests and hanging out with other people, is probably not a good person to be with in the long-run. If your boyfriend is someone who supports your interests and activities, and encourages you when you want to try something new, then that's a good long-term sign.

My parents were high school sweethearts and have been happily married for 55 years. They spent months during senior year trying to convince each other to go to the university that was each one's favorite. In the end, my dad caved and they both went to Michigan State. He hated it, and transferred to Michigan the next year. She stayed at Michigan State. It all worked out. My HS boyfriend and I happily went our separate ways when we went off to college. I love the "why bring sand to the beach?" quote! That was my thinking, too, when I was 18.

[irishpipes]

Originally Posted by BraveMaroon

"Why would you bring sand to the beach?"

Love.

[TweedleDee199]

Ditto, ditto, ditto everything that has already been said. Last year when the seniors gave speeches on the night of my initiation three women cited their biggest college regret as waiting to be an upperclassmen before rushing because a boyfriend was against it. I came to college with my high school boyfriend dead set on going Greek. He on the other hand subscribed to a lot of the stereotypes, but still wanted me to do what would make me happy. Eventually after meeting my sisters the attitude changed to "well sororities are alright, but fraternities are just groups to party with." Then as he made friends with guys in houses it was "I guess some houses are ok, but that's just not something I'm interested in." 9 months later he pledged as a sophomore, fell in love with his chapter, and is already serving as an officer. I'm not saying this is normal, but attitudes do change in college. On the whole it's easier to have a boyfriend in Greek life than outside. It can still present it's own challenges, we were both exceptionally busy during our new member periods for example, but we love having our own separate spheres that are still compatible because of the values our chapters share. On the flip side, I know a number of women in my chapter who have had very successful long term relationships with guys that are unaffiliated but still appreciate what the benefits of sorority membership. I think that's the key, because I've also seen a fair few go up in flames because of a guy's attitude towards Greek life. Either way, good luck to you!

[axWOAH]

I know a couple girls from my rush group who dropped because their "boyfriend told them to." You don't want to set that precedent in the relationship, and now these girls see me around campus and always ask me wistfully about my greek life experience. Also, my big and her boyfriend have been together since high school, and even though he is anti-greek life they make it work, it's just about learning to balance sisters and a boyfriend, and helping you find balance is healthy for your relationship anyway. Also, being in a long distance relationship is tough, it's nice knowing you have a network of sisters to support you/distract you when times get tough

[adpiucf]

Most high school sweethearts break up during college with or without Greek Life. If you're meant to stay together, you will.