living together

[kappaloo]

Originally posted by BetaRose
That's a skewed result. People who believe divorce is wrong, regardless of circumstances, are also the same people that do not believe in shacking up. I'm sure that if they looked only at people who did not have beliefs against divorce, the numbers would be the same, wheter they lived together or not.

This is extremely true. Studys like these are statistical horrors.


Living together will not increase your chance of divorce.
It will NOT ruin your marriage afterwards.

Why the higher rates? People who live together have more socially liberal views. People who have socially liberal views are more likely to be open to the idea of divorce.

Let's review.
Socially Liberal Views --- more likely to be --- okay with living together.
Socially Liberal Views --- more like to be --- oKay with divorce.

It all depends on the people involved

If it's a good relationship then living together can be a wonderful thing. You'll learn to enjoy each more every day. You will be extremely happy.

If it is not a good relationship .... welll.... you know.

Don't let people scare you with statistics or anecdotes. You know your relationship and only you will know whether living together is right for you. Also, you'll need to talk to your boyfriend. What does living together mean to him? What does it mean to you? What are the expectations involved?

Mr. Kappaloo and I moved in together 1 year and 4 month after knowing/dating eachother. We were not engaged, we are not engaged. We started living together knowing that we would not get engaged during our university career, and that living together did not mean we would get married right away or anytime soon. We had clear expectations about what living together meant for our relationship, and what it would not mean for our relationship.

We also knew that living together would not be all sunshine and bliss and that those would not mean that we didn't love eachother any less. My mother gave me the best advice: "There are time you may not like your signifigant other. That does not mean you don't love him. Loving him is working through those times." We knew that serious issues might arise and we would have to deal with those as they did.

As for divorce, I will not divorce my husband when I marry unless there is absolutely no other choice. But I really don't see this happening for me. Why? I know that relationships take work, and I will work on my relationship everyday to ensure its health. That is one of my most important values... and Mr. Kappaloo shares it.

Wow. I'm sorry guys. This was a bit of a rant. I just hate when people slam living together. It's my lifestyle and it's my choice, and when I see blanket conclusions put on it I do take it personally. (Some of you Christians might understand how this feels). As much as you might not like to admit it... living together can work when the people are right and they work at it.

I do intend on getting married... but food for thought: I have and aunt and an uncle who have been in cohabitating relationships (not to eachother) for over 20 years each. That's better than a LOT of marriages.

Edited because I dropped a lot of 's's