Oprah's On: Town Hall Meeting: Imus Controversy: Now What?

[Honeykiss1974]

Originally posted by enigma_AKA

I don't think you've seen what a White woman can do for you because you haven't been with a White woman who could do for you, yet. Also, you're not dating an entire race. Have you ever been in love with White? Have you ever been in love with Black? No-you've been in love with Ashley or Michelle or whomever.All persons are a product of their culture/environment BUT my point is, relationships are on an individual basis, not on this huge construct that defines finite standards for who can/what can and who cannot/what cannot work out.

Unfortunately, there are people that do "date in color" so to speak. Just in my personal experience, I can't tell you how many people I've ran across that "don't date black women because _______" or "I only date white girls because _________" . Yes, ignorance at its best I know but sadly there are people with that mentality.

[preciousjeni]

Originally posted by Lady Pi Phi
I think you need to remember that no everyone believes in God or believes in God the same way that you do, so your statment may have no meaning to to some people.

For some people God is not a factor in how their relationship works and not having God in their relationship doesn't make their relationship less meaningful or supportive and does not mean their relationship is doomed to fail.

I understand and I acknowledged it in my post. However, you also have to know that this where many people ARE coming from.

[enigma_AKA]

As far as people who "date in color", that just speaks to the nature of people to do what's in their comfort zone. As any ______ man/woman, ______ from a _______background, growing up ________in the _______, an ~~ideal~~ mate is someone who has a similar background in most/all aspects. One has less to explain, less to compensate for, etc, etc. This rationale goes beyond race. And it makes sense, especially when you date someone who hasn't so-called "struggled like I/you have". Can you imagine having to explain every-dayum-thing? But then, if I were to stick to the pool of men who come from backgrounds like myself, I might be bored, may miss out on the challenge of getting out of my comfort zone or anything. Or maybe the man I end up with WILL be just like Mr. T (my dad). Who knows? I don't. But I don't think that I should exclude finding out what is and what isn't in the meanwhile...And on top of that, unless you date someone who is your clone, there will always be issues of relativity---different education, different associations, different familial backgrounds, different struggles, etc.

And I guess that's the point I was trying to make before, that *that* way of thinking can limit the scope of prospects in a relationship. I guess my point is is that there is more out there than what you think you know of. That this isn't the end of it. There is no better way to find out than try...

*And this is why people need to travel/study abroad...Think OUTSIDE OF THE BOX, for crying out loud!*

THIS shoulda been addressed on the show--not some surface bull!

enigma_AKA

[KAPPAtivating]

I agree. This is much deeper than surface issues about sex or physical stuff. Sometimes I just need to hear, "baby I understand what they did today, and you are a strong black man who is a threat--just like I am a strong black woman who is a threat. I know a friend who has a white LS in a BGLO. She is married to a black man who is a doctor. She continually states, "He is the first Black man to do this...the first black man to do that", and I am thinking does she even know the significance of it all?

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by KAPPAtivating
She continually states, "He is the first Black man to do this...the first black man to do that", and I am thinking does she even know the significance of it all?

She knows more than you give her credit for.

[Bajan_Delta]

This is strictly my opinion, but I don't agree with interracial dating. Mainly because our minds have been incarcerated so long by white society and some (not all blacks) believe that to be with a caucasian some how says that they have arrived. I know that some have already said this but I also don't believe that a white man cause relate or identify with me as a black woman.

For this same reason I've never seriously dated an American man. Before I get crucified let me just explain why. I have no negative statements to make against Americans (whether black, white, orange or polkadot) but I found that I can't fully related to what Americans go through and don't fully understand me. I want a man who eats the same food as I do and who speaks the same way as I do. It is the same with race. With race comes cultural differences and those differences can be quite significant.

Though I don't agree with interracial dating I'm not one of those people who gets all nasty, because at the end of the day I'm not the one dealing with a white man/woman. To each his/her own.

[AKA_Monet]

I just watched a very heart wrenching Tyra Banks Show where a "Black" girl--who was obviously "Black" said she HATED Black women for the similar stereotypical reasons as to why racist Klan members hate Black folks and some Black men stop dating Black women.

So, my question is, how is it different for a Black woman to say she hates Black women and only wants to have white female friends because they are "better", than for a Black man to say that he will only date white women? Is it different?

Okey, I'll start: my opinion, my husband and I had a huge disagreement on it. I don't think it is different, whereas he does because he says that Black men who say that they will only be with white women say it because they have been "hurt" so many times in the past by Black women and blah, blah, blah--we've all heard that story...

I say there is no difference, both are self-hating and self-defeating behaviors and it is silly.

Ironically, Tyra was about to go across that stage an beat the chit outta chick until she realized she was payin' her to say some crazy chit like dat dere...

[Bajan_Delta]

It is in no way different!!! This goes back to what I believe is mental slavery. I am all for an equal opportunity dater, one who doesn't cause what race you are (even though I don't do that myself). But to say that I don't date people of my own race is self-hate. Sorry to let a sister know but no matter how much she hates black, she is black and there is not enough plastic surgery or weave in the world to change that. And if a man is so weak minded that he will only date white women, let the white woman have him.

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
I just watched a very heart wrenching Tyra Banks Show where a "Black" girl--who was obviously "Black" said she HATED Black women for the similar stereotypical reasons as to why racist Klan members hate Black folks and some Black men stop dating Black women.

So, my question is, how is it different for a Black woman to say she hates Black women and only wants to have white female friends because they are "better", than for a Black man to say that he will only date white women? Is it different?

Okey, I'll start: my opinion, my husband and I had a huge disagreement on it. I don't think it is different, whereas he does because he says that Black men who say that they will only be with white women say it because they have been "hurt" so many times in the past by Black women and blah, blah, blah--we've all heard that story...

I say there is no difference, both are self-hating and self-defeating behaviors and it is silly.

Ironically, Tyra was about to go across that stage an beat the chit outta chick until she realized she was payin' her to say some crazy chit like dat dere...

[Taualumna]

Originally posted by Bajan_Delta
This is strictly my opinion, but I don't agree with interracial dating. Mainly because our minds have been incarcerated so long by white society and some (not all blacks) believe that to be with a caucasian some how says that they have arrived. I know that some have already said this but I also don't believe that a white man cause relate or identify with me as a black woman.

For this same reason I've never seriously dated an American man. Before I get crucified let me just explain why. I have no negative statements to make against Americans (whether black, white, orange or polkadot) but I found that I can't fully related to what Americans go through and don't fully understand me. I want a man who eats the same food as I do and who speaks the same way as I do. It is the same with race. With race comes cultural differences and those differences can be quite significant.

Though I don't agree with interracial dating I'm not one of those people who gets all nasty, because at the end of the day I'm not the one dealing with a white man/woman. To each his/her own.

Who says dating interracially means dating someone who is white? My cousin is Chinese and is in a LD relationship with her black boyfriend. I have dated Latin and middle eastern men as well as white.

[starang21]

Originally posted by Taualumna
Who says dating interracially means dating someone who is white? My cousin is Chinese and is in a LD relationship with her black boyfriend. I have dated Latin and middle eastern men as well as white.

probably never an asian dude, though, LOL.

[Dionysus]

You know what's weird, it's like the number one objection people have to interracial dating is that they feel like they wouldn't relate to someone a different race....in my case that it isn't so much an objection, because I've only dated within my race, but a big concern that I wouldn't relate to someone of the SAME race. I can't relate to the typical black guy, and especially the stereotypical black guy. This is the first time ever saying this, but I believe a big reason why my longest relationship lasted only a month (the other two were only two or three weeks), is because of this reason. They were nice, attractive, and intellegent guys, but I had nothing in common with them. I believe that all three of these guys liked me way more that I liked them. I only went out with them because I felt like I was SUPPOSED to like these guys...and I needed a date for upcoming events at that time, like homecoming.

[enigma_AKA]

I'm just trying to get what you meant by your post, Dionysus...I didn't want to get the wrong impression by what you wrote, because at first, it seems...wierd.

First, you said:

Originally posted by Dionysus
In my case that it isn't so much an objection, because I've only dated within my race, but a big concern that I wouldn't relate to someone of the SAME race. I can't relate to the typical black guy, and especially the stereotypical black guy.

My question is-what do you define as a stereotypical/typical Black guy? There are many types of people: Black, White, Hispanic/Latino, Asian, educated/non-educated, jock/prep/conscious/fratty, bungalow-dwelling/apartment dwelling/mansion dwelling/shack dweliing, etc, etc...which type?

Then you said:

I believe a big reason why my longest relationship lasted only a month (the other two were only two or three weeks), is because of this reason. They were nice, attractive, and intellegent guys, but I had nothing in common with them.

My question: Is that a race matter? Is having something in common with someone defined as race these days? Maybe it was just them, not specific of race or whatever. Maybe it was you.

I believe that all three of these guys liked me way more that I liked them. I only went out with them because I felt like I was SUPPOSED to like these guys...and I needed a date for upcoming events at that time, like homecoming.

My question (and statement): Well, hayle, there you go! Wouldn't these men in particular be wack candidates regardless of race? You didn't like them as much as they liked you--well, that's half of the problem. And then, asking someone as a date for an event doesn't mean you have to like them--it just means you need a date. Or was it because they were Black that you didn't like them in the first place?

Just trying to be clear.

enigma_AKA

[SummerChild]

Dionysus,
Do you mind telling us the differences between the two of you that led to you having nothing in common? What were you like? What was he like?

Originally posted by Dionysus
They were nice, attractive, and intellegent guys, but I had nothing in common with them.

[starang21]

can't help who you're attracted to.

[_Opi_]

In my culture (Somali), dating anyone non-Somali is almost considered dating outside the race..even to a fellow African (of another culture).

I can't really write off someone because we are not from the same country, so dating outside my race is more likely..as long as we see certain things eye to eye.