God this is off color, but... - Page 9

lifesaver · #1 01-31-2002, 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ErikaXO
...and POP! The last bead disappeared into male B

OMG I AM DYING OVER HERE!! That image is imprented into my mind. I can only imagine the look on "female A's" face when she realized what had happened, only to be trumped by the look on "male B's" face when he found out what had happened.

god I cant stop laughing. Everyone in my office is looking at me.

help.....air....cant breathe....
aughhhhh

lifesaver · #2 01-31-2002, 11:44 AM

Grandma Health Topic (What this thread was all about in the first palce...) was on again night before last (It is called the Sunday Night Sex Show). that woman kills me. She had a caller talking about how his ex used to be into s & m, and he wanted to get his new girlfriend into it. Weel, grandma's advice was to start of with something small, lik e adog collar that he could wear, and his g/f could put a leash on it and make him follow her around on the floor, "Like the bad poodle that I know you are. SHe could even spank you if you've been a really bad poodle." This gal is like 70! Imagine your grandmother. No, wait, I dont want to.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This woman kills me.....

h2oot · #3 01-31-2002, 12:11 PM

"Off color?" I think this thread is more "Off scent"

I think its hygenic to soak the guys "stuff" in clorox and then boil it for 5 mintues to be sure...lol.

ilovemyglo · #4 02-01-2002, 04:40 AM

So my roommate, me and my sig ep adopted big bro are all sitting here laughing our asses off and all of you guys! Another one for the books though:

One of our chapter sisters is a nurse. While working in the ER a man came in that was extremely ill. He had not defacated in a month and when XRayed they found a vibrator in his anal orfice. So, the look furthur into this and they find that gangreen (spell) has set in and if they remove the vibrator his body will go into shock because it has been there for a month.
The man actually died from this.

Moral of the story, GET IT OUT!!!!!

ilovemyglo · #5 02-01-2002, 04:42 AM

On another note, ever had a bikini wax? Pain, people, pain.. I hear it is easier the second time and then even easier the third and so on... anyone know that? I cannot believe this thread btw.

Lil_G · #6 02-01-2002, 05:16 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ilovemyglo
On another note, ever had a bikini wax? Pain, people, pain.. I hear it is easier the second time and then even easier the third and so on... anyone know that? I cannot believe this thread btw.

is that question directed toward general body hair, or is it in flow with this sex thread and deals with pubic hair? That would be very painful, i'd go for the spray-on-wipe-away stuff instead.

ZetaLuvBunny · #7 02-01-2002, 02:04 PM

Epil Stop-and-Spray is a CROCK! I bought it and it didn't even take ONE HAIR off my legs! It was horrible, so I had to return it! "just spray and wipe away", my arse!

SparkliiQTMTSU · #8 02-01-2002, 02:08 PM

hahahahaha OMG that Epil Stop and Spray stuff is such a rip off!! I tried it this past summer!! it didnt work at all! I too took it back. I wish there was something good like that though! they would foreal make soo much money! Has anyone tried that Nads stuff?? does it work well??

Nichole

ansturge · #9 02-01-2002, 02:37 PM

ok a few issues to address here

hehe

ok
NADS works but wax is still better period -- besides i wont let my hair get long enough for nads to work ugh!!

as for vegitarians and flatulence -- BEANO is my suggestion --- it digests the plant cellulose because our bodies cannot...

and as for meat "decaying" in our bodies -- well if anything "decayed" in our bodies we would be in serious trouble!!

thats called gangrene -- it kills ya

BTW this is the most hilarious thread ever!!!

i cant remember how much i have laughed --- but ive learned a lot too lol

skip101 · #10 02-01-2002, 05:42 PM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by ErikaXO
Well, Shultzz, rumor is that women hit their sexual peak in their 30s. I don't know.

Lifesaver, I will make this as simple as possible. Let's just say that female A and Male B were engaging in some intimate activity. They had been at one of those sex toy parties with a bunch of their friends and they had picked up a whole little treasure trove of stuff. While they were playing with the contents of their new toy box, female A began to play with the previosuly mentioned beads on male B. Female A successfully used said beads for their intended purpose on male B and started to get, well, careless? So on the second go-round, female A wasn't paying enough attention and wasn't holding securely to the end of the string, and POP! The last bead disappeared into male B and left female A gaping in near-hysteria. Well when female A broke the news to male B, male B was, well, moritified. Determined to avoid a humiliating encounter at the ER at all costs, he submitted himself to female A giving her instruction to do WHATEVER she had to do to get them out!!!!! Female A, laughing so hard she was nearly peeing the bed, then had to perform a relatively embarrassing minor surgical procedure on male B to remove the offending beads, which left female A and male B far more intimately and physically bonded than even they ever wanted.

'Nuff said? [/QUOTE

Does female A go by the name Erica and male B go by the name Brent?

Tom Earp · #11 02-01-2002, 06:10 PM

GAWD, this is more than I want to Know About!

h2oot · #12 02-01-2002, 06:26 PM

I think its like amycat and erika said, when you get older, your "tastes" change. But for now, I'm at phase 1 in the sex-experience dep't, where you see stars and feel the magic just doing it the old fashioned way with the guy you love.

To me there is nothing like a nice massage or warm bath with your lover to make it "just right." As far as taste or scent goes, I'd deal with it as it happens and as I feel. If it seems right to me, then OK, else I'd ask him to clean, brush, gargle, or whatever...and he'd do it gladly.

As far as beads go...those are things I catch at Mardi Gras. And ya, I like oral (to a point) but if we kiss afterward its cuz both he and I spontaneously want to, and not because we want to "prove" something.

Also, a woman gets in differing moods. What may be desirable one day, may not the next. And I don't believe either partner should coerce the other or make them feel less than or guilty if they do or dont do something the other wants.

ErikaXO · #13 02-01-2002, 10:33 PM

Well said as usual, H2oot......

Skip I am going to assume you picked up the names from prior posts, because if you are someone we know I am going to die......

h2oot · #14 02-01-2002, 11:30 PM

Hey Skip-ers...I assume you're teasing with the naming thing...its prolly better if you left the personal references out. In fact it wouldn't hurt to show some decorum and edit the post.

ErikaXO · #15 02-01-2002, 11:38 PM

Yes, please.......thanks, H2oot. Granted I kind of opened the can of worms by putting that post out there but we have all been open with each other about sexual talk. I tried to be as discreet as possible, can we leave it at that? And thanks James for pointing out to me that names were being mentioned.