In-law venting thread - Page 9

BetteDavisEyes · #1 07-05-2011, 10:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnotherKD

This past weekend, my MIL introducted my SIL (who is also her DIL, as she only has 2 sons) as her daughter. The person she introduced her to said "Oh, I didn't know you had a daughter, too!" In response, my MIL said "Well, she's really my DIL, but that's only a technicality. She's really my daughter now." She then went on to introduce me as her son's "friend". Even though I've been married to him for years.

Wow. There are no words. What did you respond with? Did you correct her?

AnotherKD · #2 07-05-2011, 12:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BetteDavisEyes

Wow. There are no words. What did you respond with? Did you correct her?

I shook the woman's hand and said "Hi, I'm ____'s wife." I don't care. My MIL and I do not get along, and I think I know most of the reason. Her other DIL literally lives a few miles from her, while we are a few hours from her. She likes having a DIL who is a stay-at-home mom and can bring her grandchild over to her every day, and they have also known each other for almost 10 years. (That being said, she started dating her now-husband when she was almost 16 and he was in his 20s, but whatever, I can say it's weird but there are SO MANY weird things about that side of the family that it's not funny.) She constantly refers to me as the "Big City Girl" or "Princess", simply because I don't necessarily share her ideal of having a simple life in the middle of nowhere, unlike her other DIL. It has gotten to the point where she flamed me in front of half of her town because I dared to wear a black dress and heels (gasp!) to a funeral there recently, when everyone else showed up in jean shorts up their ass, flip flops, and tank tops. I wasn't aware that dressing appropriately made me a princess, but there you go.

Maybe if I'm ever lucky enough to "give" her a grandchild (as she says), she would treat me a bit better. Until then, I try to ignore her. At least we don't live so close that we see each other all the time.

AOII Angel · #3 07-05-2011, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnotherKD

I shook the woman's hand and said "Hi, I'm ____'s wife." I don't care. My MIL and I do not get along, and I think I know most of the reason. Her other DIL literally lives a few miles from her, while we are a few hours from her. She likes having a DIL who is a stay-at-home mom and can bring her grandchild over to her every day, and they have also known each other for almost 10 years. (That being said, she started dating her now-husband when she was almost 16 and he was in his 20s, but whatever, I can say it's weird but there are SO MANY weird things about that side of the family that it's not funny.) She constantly refers to me as the "Big City Girl" or "Princess", simply because I don't necessarily share her ideal of having a simple life in the middle of nowhere, unlike her other DIL. It has gotten to the point where she flamed me in front of half of her town because I dared to wear a black dress and heels (gasp!) to a funeral there recently, when everyone else showed up in jean shorts up their ass, flip flops, and tank tops. I wasn't aware that dressing appropriately made me a princess, but there you go.

Maybe if I'm ever lucky enough to "give" her a grandchild (as she says), she would treat me a bit better. Until then, I try to ignore her. At least we don't live so close that we see each other all the time.

You just showed respect for the deceased by dressing appropriately. Seriously jean shorts and flip flops?

AnotherKD · #4 07-05-2011, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

You just showed respect for the deceased by dressing appropriately. Seriously jean shorts and flip flops?

Not just jean shorts- jean shorts with bits of butt hanging out! And I am not even exaggerating! Well, I only saw 2 people with butt hanging out. But LOTS of jean shorts and cargo shorts. It's just these little things that add up over each and every time I see her. Granted, they never offered my husband money to not marry me, but I sometimes wonder if they wish they would have in hindsight.

TonyB06 · #5 07-05-2011, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnotherKD

This past weekend, my MIL introducted my SIL (who is also her DIL, as she only has 2 sons) as her daughter. The person she introduced her to said "Oh, I didn't know you had a daughter, too!" In response, my MIL said "Well, she's really my DIL, but that's only a technicality. She's really my daughter now." She then went on to introduce me as her son's "friend". Even though I've been married to him for years.

wow. and you'd think that you should be able to expect more in the way of maturity and/or grace, from someone who've lived long enough to have two daughter-in-laws. that's unfortunate.

AlphaFrog · #6 07-05-2011, 11:49 AM

My boss refers to her son's live-in baby mama as her daughter-in-law. Son was previously married and seems to have no interest in being married again, but baby mama has never been married and is just dying for that ring. She spoils her grandson like no other.

On the other hand, boss refers to the guy her divorced daughter lives with as "that man". He's not ok because he's divorced and has custody of his 3 children. Divorced daughter should have started over with a single man with no kids. The prospect of step-grandchildren does not amuse her.

BetteDavisEyes · #7 07-05-2011, 01:30 PM

I get along much better with my MIL now than when we were first dating 13 years ago but once in a while, she'll say or do something that causes me to snap back or place her on ignore for a while until I'm calm enough to talk to her without choking her.

GammaPhi88 · #8 07-05-2011, 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnotherKD

This past weekend, my MIL introducted my SIL (who is also her DIL, as she only has 2 sons) as her daughter. The person she introduced her to said "Oh, I didn't know you had a daughter, too!" In response, my MIL said "Well, she's really my DIL, but that's only a technicality. She's really my daughter now." She then went on to introduce me as her son's "friend". Even though I've been married to him for years.

That's horrible! What a witch!

On that note, I hate it when the mother insists on introducing you as their son's "friend". I'm not married and don't see it my nearby future, but I've had this happen in the past and it drove me nuts. An ex's mom from college would do this ALL the time...I was thinking, lady, I've been dating your son for almost a year, get over yourself. I'm his girlfriend, not some girl who followed him three states north to bother him for New Years.

MaggieXi · #9 07-05-2011, 08:11 PM

My MIL threatened to kill me when my husband I told her she was not allowed to invite her additional 60 guests to our small wedding. She was serious, but she also suffers from a mental health disorder that she has battled all of her life. Couple her mental health issues with occasional self medicating alcohol abuse a husband who basically ignores her or makes excuses for her, and you have a ticking time bomb. The entire family knows this and there have various funny, sad, and scary stories. Needless to say, I'm glad I live more than 1000 miles away and we only see her once or twice a year. My husband doesn't really consider his parents "parents" because he was shipped off to boarding school at a very young age and when he would be on break he spent the majority of the time at his aunt and uncles, whom he considers his real parents. He is the son that they never had and we have a great relationship with them.

Recently, the time bomb has been poked at and now I'm holding my breath for the blow up. I'm currently pregnant and my family is trying to plan my shower. My mom (who knows some of the stories and had to basically tell my MIL and my FIL to get their shit together or leave our wedding) called my MIL to tell her the date of my baby shower because it was the polite thing to do and because my MIL would need to make travel arrangements if she intended to come (My MIL left in the middle of my bridal shower because "people were being mean to her"...really, she just sat at the bar and drank the time she was there and didn't talk to anyone, but thats a whole other story). Well the date my mom and my aunt had chosen for my baby shower doesn't work for her - mainly because she doesn't want to pay to travel. She will be here in July for a wedding and would like the shower to be that weekend. Here are the reasons that it can't be that weekend:

1. I am not going to be here the day she wants to have it. Plans can not be changed. My best friend will be with me that day as well.
2. The wedding she is attending is a family wedding and the people who are in/a part of the wedding would be invited to the shower and they would not be able to attend the shower. I have a better relationship with the people that are in/a part of the wedding than I do with my MIL.
3. It's 3 weeks away. I'm sure many people will not be able to travel on such short notice.
4. I'm due in November and July is a little early to have a baby shower for a November baby.

MIL is on the verge of a blow up because she was told "no". Apparently she was fine with my mom on the phone, but called my husband and FREAKED out about it. He told her it wasn't about her and hung up. I am waiting for the insanity to ensue. I have told everyone that if she doesn't like when the shower is she can opt not to come and she can even opt not to come when the baby is born. I don't care and my job is just to make sure that I have a healthy baby. But her behavior still bothers me.

BetteDavisEyes · #10 07-11-2011, 05:46 PM

I want one shower. Just one big one combining both families & friends. No big deal right? My family has already started the planning & are excited about this. My MIL? Is planning a shower ON THE SAME DAY & TIME as the day my family picked out. Seriously? No matter how often I've tried to drill it into her head about what I want, she keeps ignoring my wishes. When I told her, she calmly stated that my family will just have to change the date of their party. She just doesn't get it.

I guess we'll see who gets the last laugh when I don't show up to her party.

AOII Angel · #11 07-11-2011, 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BetteDavisEyes

I want one shower. Just one big one combining both families & friends. No big deal right? My family has already started the planning & are excited about this. My MIL? Is planning a shower ON THE SAME DAY & TIME as the day my family picked out. Seriously? No matter how often I've tried to drill it into her head about what I want, she keeps ignoring my wishes. When I told her, she calmly stated that my family will just have to change the date of their party. She just doesn't get it.

I guess we'll see who gets the last laugh when I don't show up to her party.

LOL. Did you tell her you wouldn't go to hers? For sake of family harmony, I'd warn her. As the mother to be, you get the final say, and I'd tell her that your family and friends will be at the other shower and thus, so will you. If she would like a shower for her friends that you will also attend, then she'll have to pick another day or have the shower without you. Families are CRAZY. Why is that?

ellebud · #12 07-05-2011, 05:16 PM

Ancestors are safe...they always agree with you.

And from one princess to another: Dressing appropriately is always spot on.

Oh, and another thing: My husband gave me a very large diamond engagement ring as a twenty year anniversary gift. My sil inherited a big one. Her ring? Old money. My ring? Jewish princess.

BraveMaroon · #13 07-05-2011, 05:37 PM

My husband lost his parents young -he was three when his dad died, 23 when his mother died. I never met either of them.

His remaining family are a sister, an Aunt and Uncle and several cousins.

They're all spectacular, generous, kind people and to that extent, I'm very, very lucky.

But... from time to time, things get ugly, because while my live parents can be interfering, irritiating, nosy, etc. - his deceased parents can do no wrong.

And then, of course, there's the guilt that we spend more time with my family than his because mine are kind of demanding, and his Aunt, Uncle, Cousins, etc. are all very independent.

Obviously, if this is the worst I can complain about, I have it better than I deserve!

VandalSquirrel · #14 07-05-2011, 05:54 PM

I had a pretty serious boyfriend and his mom was generally pretty good to me, even took me when I had surgery and only said a couple of questionable things to me but in front of other people. She told me I was his first serious girlfriend and perhaps he should date someone else to be sure

I know she regret supporting and encouraging that when he got together with a girl who got pregnant and he married her out of obligation. His mom still called, wrote, and came to visit, as did his brother though he was with that other girl and she hated me of course because they always knew she trapped him. I called it as soon as I knew she spent the night at his house.

The only other potential mother-in-law drama was a guy I dated who has divorced and remarried parents. His mother didn't think him shtupping a home wrecker who then lied about being pregnant by him (it was someone else's kid) was cheating since we weren't married. It wouldn't surprise me if she gave him the okay to hook up with that skank instead of trying to end our relationship like adults, let alone try and go to counseling. She was all up in our relationship and I told him I had a problem with his mother being so involved in our relationship and that she really manipulated his behavior by projecting her own relationship baggage from when she was married to his father onto him and by default, me.

My own parents (mom and step dad, my father is deceased) are extremely kind and forgiving towards my beaus. When my former future exhusband got real shady and my serious boyfriend after that cheated on me they said they accepted both of those boys into our family the betrayal and hurt affected them as well. No one I've seriously dated has had a problem with my family, and my family only has a problem with a guy if he is being shitty &/or crummy to me.

BetteDavisEyes · #15 07-05-2011, 06:18 PM

Relatives of my hubby (MIL included) seem to think it's ok for them to crack jokes & stereotypes about Latinos (I'm Latina) b/c they don't see it as ignorant or racist b/c I married into the family. Since I'm family now, they think it's perfectly acceptable to make these remarks not only to me but in front of my family as well at our wedding 5 years ago. Needless to say, my family was pissed (rightfully so) but b/c it was my wedding & they didn't want to start a fight or drama with them , they let it go.

We're at the point that we avoid them as much as possible and only see them once a year if we can. My MIL we see about once a month.