Do you want kids? - Page 8

jharb · #**106** 05-09-2005, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl
A male friend of mine had a vasectomy relatively early in life because he said he never wanted to be responsible for anyone but himself. I'm sure some people would find that selfish, but to me it's far more UNSELFISH to admit that you don't want to do something even when society is constantly pushing you into it.

So many people have kids for the wrong reasons, I think we should have nothing but praise for the people who are NOT having them for the RIGHT reasons.

The guy I'm dating right now also doesn't want children. I just don't think I'm responsible enough when it comes to other people to have kids. I also don't think that I'm very nurturing or maternal and don't want to have to develop that side of myself. It may be selfish but I also don't want to add to overpopulation and if I don't think I can support a child at this point I shouldn't have to.

astroAPhi · #**107** 05-09-2005, 12:28 PM

I think it is possible for selfish people to not want to have kids because they are selfish... but not wanting kids is not necessarily selfish. A former friend of mine didn't want kids because she is too selfish to care about anything or anyone nearly as much as she cares about herself. This isn't about a career, family, etc. It is because everything is about HER. Just to clarify, it's ok to not want kids. It's not necessarily selfish. But there are selfish people out there like the person I just talked about.

That said, I want children. I want a family. Ideally, I'd like 2 kids. I grew up an only child and so did my boyfriend, so we both know that growing up an only child can sometimes be very lonely. His dad later remarried and had 2 boys, and he absolutely LOVES his little brothers, but they aren't close enough to him in age to grow up with them.

The reason I say I want 2 is because I've seen how hard it gets to handle more than 3. I'm not saying it can't be done, but considering the career that I want to have, I want to be able to dedicate time to both career and family, and I think if I had more than 2 I'd be potentially neglecting my children.

aggieAXO · #**108** 05-09-2005, 02:25 PM

I work with a technician who was a veterinarian in Ethiopia. He cannot believe I do not want children. To him it is a must, due to his religious beliefs. According to him, hat is what we are here for-procreation. He grew up with 18 brothers and sisters, but as a male in Ethiopia, he was never required to do any housework-no cleaning, no cooking, no taking care of his siblings, etc.... he was not allowed. I think this is why he doesn't mind having kids, b/c he doesn't know how hard of a job it is. He is a good guy and will make an excellent dad, so I am glad he will procreate. I just wish I could get him to understand that children are not for everyone.

adpiucf · #**109** 05-09-2005, 06:11 PM

For me, kids are fun-- in the way renting a bike for the day is fun. I get to play all day and return it to its owner for safekeeping and tune-ups. That's good enough for me.

sugar and spice · #**110** 05-10-2005, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl

So many people have kids for the wrong reasons, I think we should have nothing but praise for the people who are NOT having them for the RIGHT reasons.

COSIGN!!!!!1

Just kidding. But I agree 110 percent. Not having kids because you don't want them is no more selfish than having kids because you want them (in fact, in many cases I think it is less so). And if you know you wouldn't make a good parent, it's certainly a more intelligent choice to not have kids than to have them. I'm not sure why ANYONE would be trying to guilt-trip someone into having kids if they don't want them. That just seems ridiculous, not to mention misguided as hell, to me.

#**111** 05-12-2005, 04:22 AM

I am bored & trying to catch up with the boards & came across this thread...
I understand how a lot of people dont want to have kids however I do have one and this is just my experience..
I too did not care to have kids nor did I want one...I fell in love & was engaged almost a year when I found out I was pregnant. I was so upset & mad that I cried for hours & then I started to see the light...I was having a mini ME!
The further my pregnancy progressed the more excited I was to becoming a mother..My whole outlook on moms have changed drastically since PJ entered this world. The love is beyond the greatest & there is no other love or greater reward then having a bad day & having my son wrap his tiny arms around my neck & just love on me! Its pretty amazing how that feels! No matter what I do, he always is smiling & I know he loves me unconditionally!
Just because you do not want to be a mom doesnt make you selfish, self-centered, or even a bad person..everyone is different and nobody should be looked bad upon being or not wanting to be a parent. I know for me I totally hated the idea of being a mom & now I wouldnt trade my son for anything!
Happy Belated Mothers Day to anyone else that happens to be a parent!

CougADPi · #**112** 05-13-2005, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by PhoenixAzul
They think it is OK to bring those SUVs called strollers into the tinest store and expect you to yeild to them because they have a stroller (not nec. a kid IN the stroller, but the stroller itself).

I totally agree! My hubby and I went to Disneyland last year and after about the 50th time he had his foot rolled over by one of those monstrosities he turned to me and said "Disneyland is an argument for population control".

It makes me happy to see people say "I won't be a good parent so I won't have kids" or just flat out "I don't want 'em". I think that is so much better for society then having tons of unwanted children. My father did not want my brother and I, and actually used us for his grounds for divorce. We were 11 and 9 at the time and he had never told my mom that until then. The amount of pain caused by hearing your father say "I never wanted you" is unbelievable and I would never wish that on another child. My brother and I still haven't gotten over it and that was 14 years ago.

Mr. Coug and I do want to have a child someday, but not until we are both ready. And then only one or two. As he likes to say, we will replace ourselves, and thats it!

greeklawgirl · #**113** 05-13-2005, 02:09 PM

Hmmm. This is something I've been thinking about a lot recently, and my opinions have really done a 180 over the last few years.

If I ever get around to having children, I'll be thrilled to be a mother. I really enjoy children for the most part (as long as they are well behaved, haha) and I think I would enjoy raising them.

But (and this is a big but), if I don't ever have children, I'll be fine with that too. I have a great career, loving family and friends, my dog, a house, and money in the bank. I have the freedom to do whatever I please. I'm content. I don't NEED a baby to feel fulfilled.

So while I would welcome a child with great joy, if one never comes its not a tragedy. I'm quite happy with my life as it is.

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #**114** 05-13-2005, 02:57 PM

The dog is key.

amycat412 · #**115** 05-13-2005, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by greeklawgirl
Hmmm. This is something I've been thinking about a lot recently, and my opinions have really done a 180 over the last few years.

If I ever get around to having children, I'll be thrilled to be a mother. I really enjoy children for the most part (as long as they are well behaved, haha) and I think I would enjoy raising them.

But (and this is a big but), if I don't ever have children, I'll be fine with that too. I have a great career, loving family and friends, my dog, a house, and money in the bank. I have the freedom to do whatever I please. I'm content. I don't NEED a baby to feel fulfilled.

So while I would welcome a child with great joy, if one never comes its not a tragedy. I'm quite happy with my life as it is.

100% what maria said, except I don't have a dog yet, but will soon! lol

greeklawgirl · #**116** 05-13-2005, 04:37 PM

The dog really IS key, lol.

All the unconditional love you want, but much more low-maintenence than a baby. And doggie couture rivals Baby Gap any old day!

valkyrie · #**117** 05-13-2005, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by greeklawgirl
The dog really IS key, lol.

All the unconditional love you want, but much more low-maintenence than a baby. And doggie couture rivals Baby Gap any old day!

Haha! I still want to get my dog a t-shirt that says "I'm with stupid."

greeklawgirl · #**118** 05-13-2005, 04:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
Haha! I still want to get my dog a t-shirt that says "I'm with stupid."

I have amazing self-control when it comes to shopping for myself, but when I shop for the dog all bets are off! She is the only dog I know who has a pink trench coat, and a beret, in addition to her 3 carriers.

Seriously, I probably should just stick with the dog because I will bankrupt myself shopping for a kid.

(oh, and if you're interested, I know where you can find that "I'm with stupid" shirt.)