What if you never get married? - Page 8

susan314 · #**106** 05-24-2007, 01:01 PM

I never planned to get married and have kids. Actually, there was a stretch of time in my early 20s or so, where I was certain that I never wanted to get married or have kids. (My uncle likes to pick on me about that occasionally.

)

Here I am now though...33 and happily married w/2 toddlers. Guess it all worked out in the end. However, I know that I would be perfectly happy right now if it had never happened. (I'm glad it did happen, of course...just saying that in some parallel universe where I never met my husband, I'm sure I'm happily sitting on a beach drinking margaritas.)

One thing I never did was set some sort of deadline for myself (If I'm not married by X age...). I had a guy friend who had his whole life planned out in very specific detail...he was going to play the field during college, work for a few years, meet the perfect woman, get married at 27, have a kid or two by age 30, etc. We used to laugh at him and remind him that he didn't necessarily have much control over whether he met the perfect girl at the right time. (And, of course, we sadly watched him pass up a few great prospects in college b/c meeting the right girl wasn't on his schedule until about 25 or so.

)

He did meet a girl at 25. She was totally not right for him. But, I think he tried for awhile to turn the relationship into something it wasn't, b/c it fit according to his timetable. Thankfully, she dumped him eventually...I don't think he would have dumped her otherwise, so he could have ended up in an unhappy marriage. He was really hard on himself for awhile about not living up to his own expectations, but it all worked out in the end...he met a great woman, got married at 31, and they have a wonderful son now.

You just have to take things as they come - if you settle b/c you're not married by a certain age, you might miss out on a great partner who you could have met had you held out another year or two (or five) before taking yourself off the market.

OneTimeSBX · #**107** 05-24-2007, 02:54 PM

i have a good friend who is 42 and has never been married or had kids. she has travelled, met people, done all the things we married/tied down people fantasize about. now, she is upset because she feels she will not have anyone to take care of her when she gets old.

although i am engaged now i was always ok with the idea of being single. i had my daughter at 19, so no issue there. i would have adopted if i was single and planned on remaining that way. i respect the decision, women are supposed to be "wife and mother", but what about being themselves??

AlphaFrog · #**108** 05-24-2007, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OneTimeSBX

she is upset because she feels she will not have anyone to take care of her when she gets old.

Not a good reason to get married.

ForeverRoses · #**109** 05-24-2007, 03:51 PM

wanting to get married or have a kid so someone will take care of you when you are old? Really not a good reason. I can just see the conversation "mommy why did you decide to adopt me?" answer- "So I would have someone to visit me at the nursing home". It just doesn't give me the warm fuzzies.

mu_agd · #**110** 05-24-2007, 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mu_agd

If I never get married, I'm moving to LA and bunking on amycat's couch.

Holy crap.

ISUKappa · #**111** 05-24-2007, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mu_agd

Holy crap.

Ha ha, I saw that too on this read through.

amycat412 · #**112** 05-24-2007, 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mu_agd

If I never get married, I'm moving to LA and bunking on amycat's couch.

lol just until we rent the fabulous bachelorette pad with pool in the hills, then you get your own room.

and we will kidnap marc from montral and make him be our pool boy.

OneTimeSBX · #**113** 05-24-2007, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Not a good reason to get married.

very true, and she has been honest with herself and is willing to be alone if god so chooses. i told her not to worry, she also wont have to deal with someone choosing the wrong nursing home! she gets to pick it herself lol!

amycat412 · #**114** 05-24-2007, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mu_agd

Holy crap.

ha! you said it, and now... !!!!!! Housekeeper! Paid for! hah aha Come on 115!

Coramoor · #**115** 05-24-2007, 05:31 PM

As a guy...if I never get married I will have boat loads of money and probably live to be like 1000.

Plus I'm pretty bitter towards women right now so I don't even consider marriage being an option.

aggieAXO · #**116** 05-24-2007, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rudey

You have a pet vulture and are a bird woman?

I'm gonna be honest with you because honesty is what people need. I think if you're kinda old and have lots of cats, people think you're a lonely loser but feel sympathy for you. It's when you own birds, vultures, and owls that you get a starring role in movies as the really crazy lady and kids are scared of you.

So consider that and find a husband OK?

-Rudey
--Just joking

ahhh Rudy, I never saw this response. Yes I have the cats but fortunately the wildlife gets treated and released. I guess I am really old now and still no husband-oh well

Sister Havana · #**117** 05-25-2007, 12:57 AM

If I find the right guy and get married, cool. If I stay single and become the crazy dog lady at the end of the block, hey, I'm cool with that too. I don't want to settle just to get married.

It's funny. when I was young, I thought I'd be married by the time I was 30. As 30 got closer I started thinking "I am still too young to be married. 35 would be more like it." I'm 33 now and you guessed it - my thought process is "40's an all right age to get married." (Don't ask me why I think in 5s! *lol*) I'll probably be 90 and thinking "you know, I'll still have plenty of life left in me at 95 - no rush!"

kchaptergphib · #**118** 06-04-2007, 03:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sister Havana

If I find the right guy and get married, cool. If I stay single and become the crazy dog lady at the end of the block, hey, I'm cool with that too.

I had to laugh, because I would love to be the crazy lady with all the dogs in her yard. The one thing I am affraid of, like a lot of people, is being "old and alone." I'm fairly close with my family, but I'm an only child... thank God for my sorority sisters!

AlethiaSi · #**119** 06-04-2007, 11:58 AM

I determined a long time ago that I would make my life the best that it could possibly be, and if I get married, then great, if I don't, then thats ok too.
Sure, it would be nice to have someone around, but I don't think that there is any sense in dwelling over it (for me personally) when you could be out doing other things and opportunities are passing you by. I'm lucky to have great friends, great sorority sisters, and an amazing family and sure not everything is fantastic but I know that they will always be there for me rather than a relationship which may or may not work out.