Pregnant Prospective Members?

[Bama_Alumna]

When is the short bus coming to pick up Bama_Alum and greencat?

Gee, Dionysus... I guess it would be right after it drops you and your friends off at the "special" school and starts picking up the gifted kids.

Look, don't throw out insults just because my opinion and my alma mater's greek system is different from yours. Obviously, it is a very strong system that has lasted for many, many years. Just because my house wouldn't pledge a pregnant girl doesn't mean that I am mentally challenged. What works in other places doesn't work here and what works here doesn't work in other places.

[Jill1228]

Justamom, you sound just like my mother! Except she says:
"Hey, I raised mine, now you raise your own little monsters!" She won't have any dropping off the rugrat so momma can go to her chapter meeting!
HELL NO!

Bama_Alumna, GammaPhiBabe, and angelove...save me a seat on the short bus, because I SO agree with you!

BTW, that remark that was made about Bama and the shortbus was a rude personal attack that was uncalled for!

Originally posted by justamom
James-In fact she could leave the child at home with her parents that could take care of it and supply caretakers. Something that is not uncommon at all both in wealthy and less wealthy famlies.

Why would you think after raising their OWN children, Granny and Pappy want to become built in baby sitters?

I am looking forward to the day when I can love and play with my grandkids...on MY schedule or in an emergency. A pledge meeting is NOT an emergency nor is pomping or going on a retreat. Heck, after raising kids I'm the one that needs a retreat. Make that a resort with a spa!



BIG DITTO angelove and Bama_Alumna' posts!

[ajuhdg]

I just have to make a comment about this from several different perspectives.

First, there was a woman that came through rush while I was an active. She was very open about it, and was cut from all six chapters by the third round. I personally think that while we sit here and fight stereotypes of alcoholic whores and dumb witches, having a member 'with child' also portrays an image. This is probably an image that most college women would not want to be associated with.

Second, after just having my first child, I can't IMAGINE having done it while in college...working full time, taking 18 hours, and fulfilling sorority commitments. Not to mention, I wasn't very nice during my pregnancy!

For those of you who think it unfair, the times they are a chaning...ideals have evolved with them, so perhaps an all pregnant new member class is on the horizon! Wouldn't that be fun! (Lamaze class during meetings!) Sorry, that wasn't very nice, but after I said the first sentence, I had an amusing visual!

aj

[33girl]

We can go on and on and on about this subject and never get anywhere. So let me just lay it out:

At some schools the student population and particularly the Greek population is very traditional...18-22, students rush the first semester or don't join at all, everyone lives in the house.

At other schools the student population is majority commuter, lots of returning students, age 18-80, upperclassmen often go Greek, there IS no house.

If you go to a type A school you probably won't give a married or pregnant (married or unmarried) woman a bid unless hell freezes over.

If you go to type B school it's not as big of a deal. Mainly because the majority of your sisters probably aren't "typical" either.

Students at very traditional campuses have to realize and understand that there is Greek life outside the parameters on their campus...just as students at very nontraditional campuses need to understand the importance of matching outfits for rush. Who goes to college and when is changing more and more every day...either Greek orgs need to change with it or they can become resigned to a progressively narrower scope.

[ADPiShannan]

Ill agree with you on that statement.

I do have one small change lol and I dont want to be nitpicky, but not all commuter schools dont have a house.

Here at Akron we are mostly commuter and we have houses for each sororority here and always have. We have owned ours for years so it is not always commuters dont have houses.

Im not trying to be a pest lol just adding. I do agree though.

It seems to me that a lot of southern schools are very traditional where as more of the northern ones are not.

I often wish I had gone to a southern school, I just wish I could have seen the differences firsthand.

[Bama_Alumna]

33girl, your post was very well stated, and is pretty much what I have been saying all along.

The topic of this thread is "Would YOU give a bid to a pregnant PNM?" I answered that only in the terms of this particular campus and really only in terms of my own particular chapter of which I am an alumna.

I think that all of us realize that greek systems are different in different parts of the country. Actually, they are different from school to school. For example, there are very few similarities between rush at Auburn and rush at Alabama, even though they aren't that far away from one another. What I didn't appreciate in this thread is how some people felt that I was being discriminatory, etc., when I was only stating the facts of what it is like here. I am not holding UA up as an ideal, but being realistic about what it is like for our actives. I have lived in a number of places all over the country, and have seen vast differences in chapters at various colleges/universities. I never said that a chapter who would accept a pregnant or married PNM was a bad chapter or that they were making the wrong decision. Just that it would not happen here!

[Dionysus]

Let me clarify. I don't have that many problems with those who are against having pregnant members, I have issues with some of you guys saying that it is inappropiate to have members older than 22 or 23 in a undergrad chapter. The comment about the 27 year old having problems was especially ignorant and offensive. Let me repeat what already has been said. Whenever you get in your mid to late 20s, people take many different paths. I don't see any problem with a single undergrad student in their mid to late 20s joining an undergrad chapter. Hell, the person who rushed with me turned 26 after a month she recieved her bid. She dropped out though, but that's irrelavent.

[Lady Pi Phi]

You know what this thread reminds me of?
The scene in The Breakfast Club where they're all sitting around and Anthony Michael Hall's character asks if they would still be friends on Monday and Molly Ringwald's character says No, and then Judd Nelson's/Anthony Michael Hall's character calls her conceited and she yells at him and says "she doesn't mean to be conceited, but it's the truth, and that's the way it is. The cool kids can't be friends with the geeky kids."

Well this thread reminds me of that scene.

[jubilance1922]

I had a friend who pledged XYZ in Spring 2003, and she has a 2 year old son. Everyone who is close to her knows that she is a great mom, a great person, and would make a great addition to XYZ.

So while she was pledging, various close friends would take turns watching her son. End result? She's a great asset to XYZ, a hard worker, very active, and she's graduating.

Its really close-minded to think that just cause a woman is pregnant or has a child that she can't be a good sister. Instead, if its something she really wants to do, maybe you should be more supportive instead of just telling her NO.

[TSteven]

Originally posted by Bama_Alumna
I was only stating the facts of what it is like here. I am not holding UA up as an ideal, but being realistic about what it is like for our actives. I have lived in a number of places all over the country, and have seen vast differences in chapters at various colleges/universities. I never said that a chapter who would accept a pregnant or married PNM was a bad chapter or that they were making the wrong decision. Just that it would not happen here!

Frankly, it seems like Bama_Alumna is being realistic not just for rush at Alabama but with respect to most chapters.

Every chapter during rush reviews PNMs with respect to the PNM's priorities and how they may or may not affect the PNM's ability to contribute to the organization.

At a school with a competitive rush, where so many qualified women are rushing and worthy of a bid, a PNM that may have the perception of a conflict will not have as good a chance for a bid. Be the conflict athletics, theatre, academics or in "Amy's" case - a baby.

Basically, every chapter wants assurances that the PNM is committed to the group and able to contribute.

Please note that I'm not saying that Amy is not worthy or that she can not nor will not contribute. Just that she may be perceived as having issues down the line (which in this case just happen to be a baby) and that any chapter is going to consider possible issues when deciding which women of quality to cut and which to bid during rush.
---
A side note with respect to the pregnancy issue.

Few chapters would want to come between a mother and her child. Most chapters would not ask or expect a pregnant PNM to put the sorority before her child.

Conversely, even if the mother was willing to do so, I would venture to guess that few chapters would want to extend a bid to a girl who would be willing to put the sorority before her child.

[texasgrl]

Originally posted by Dionysus
Let me clarify. I don't have that many problems with those who are against having pregnant members, I have issues with some of you guys saying that it is inappropiate to have members older than 22 or 23 in a undergrad chapter. The comment about the 27 year old having problems was especially ignorant and offensive. Let me repeat what already has been said. Whenever you get in your mid to late 20s, people take many different paths. I don't see any problem with a single undergrad student in their mid to late 20s joining an undergrad chapter. Hell, the person who rushed with me turned 26 after a month she recieved her bid. She dropped out though, but that's irrelavent.

Sorry to hear about the other girl, but the girl I used as the example did finish her 4 year tenure at Chi-O and yes. they did have a sorority house which she stayed from her sophomore to senior year.

Thanks for taking an objective viewpoint.

[XOMichelle]

Originally posted by Lady Pi Phi
You know what this thread reminds me of?
The scene in The Breakfast Club where they're all sitting around and Anthony Michael Hall's character asks if they would still be friends on Monday and Molly Ringwald's character says No, and then Judd Nelson's/Anthony Michael Hall's character calls her conceited and she yells at him and says "she doesn't mean to be conceited, but it's the truth, and that's the way it is. The cool kids can't be friends with the geeky kids."

Well this thread reminds me of that scene.

ha ha ha, and who are the cool kids?

[HederaNaturale]

Originally posted by angelove
re: Dionysus' "short bus" comment:

AARGH!

Just like HederaNaturale with her "think before you type" comment - just because someone has a different opinion than you does not mean that he or she is not thinking or should be "riding the short bus." Negative comments about the intelligence of those with whom you disagree hamper the spirit of debate inherent in this thread and the entire internet message board world. If the only response to an argument that you can formulate is to call someone stupid, that really doesn't help your side of the debate, nor will it persuade anyone to change his or her mind.

I've said my piece about the pregnant PNMs, so I'm not saying any more, but in regard to THIS comment, angelove, I feel the need to clarify. I don't have a problem with a disagreement... those who know me in person know that I aLWAYS play devil's advocate and muck through EVERY side of an issue. However, when you make categorcial statements like, "you can't have it all," "it's completely unrealistic" it suggests to me that you haven't really looked at the issue enough to know all the sides and angles... if you had, I wouldn't have had a rebuttal, would I? Telling someone to think and inferring that they need to be on the "short bus" are two different matters. I wasn't calling you stupid or insulting your intelligence. I was calling you short-sighted and insulting your breadth of thought. If you think that those two are one and the same, then perhaps it's you who's hampering the spirit of debate in the thread. You do that quite well when you call people out on non-issues.

[angelove]

HederaNaturale:

Oh good. I'm glad you were only calling me short-sighted and insulting my breadth of thought. That makes it clear that you were sticking to the issues.

[Lady Pi Phi]

Originally posted by XOMichelle
ha ha ha, and who are the cool kids?

Well in this case, I just don't know.