"The New Wife" according to the New York Post

[Lady Pi Phi]

Originally posted by Taualumna
Some kids (including adult children) can't do that, especially kids of immigrant parents (the girl who was on Oprah probably didn't fall into that category, since her mom speaks fluent English). You do as you're told, end of story. The CBC (or maybe Global...it was a Canadian network) interviewed a Chinese Canadian man who was a police officer. He is also a doctor, because his mother and father wanted him to do so. Up until the interview, his parents didn't know that he gave up his practice and went to police college. Not sure if his parents are all that happy about the career change.

A relative of mine in the US (he's related to me by marriage) decided to join the Marines after graduating high school in the late 90s. He's still in it, the last time I checked, and is out in Iraq right now. Anyway, all the adults in the family were not exactly all that happy when he signed up, and criticized him for not going to college right away. Apparently his mother cried.

That's their problem though. They always have a choice. It might not be one they like, but they do have a choice. Either do what will make you happy and run the risk of upsetting/alienating yourself from your family, or suck it up and do what the parents wish.

I've made choices that my parents weren't exactly thrilled with, and yes it hurts when they are upset with me, but you know what, I had to do what was right for me. If I was trying to please my parents all the time I would go nuts.
No wonder these kids have problems.

[GeekyPenguin]

Maybe instead of the social graces you think these kids should be taught, they could have a class on how to grow a pair instead. I went to the last university that my parents wanted me to go to, and majored in the last thing they wanted me to study. They dealt with it, and they still paid for it. And don't try and throw that cultural crap at me - if you want to play that way, then I was pressured into going to college because that's what nice Irish Catholic girls from the suburbs do, and the guy who panhandles on the 10th Street Bridge does so because that's what poor black people in the city do.

[Taualumna]

Originally posted by Lady Pi Phi
That's their problem though. They always have a choice. It might not be one they like, but they do have a choice. Either do what will make you happy and run the risk of upsetting/alienating yourself from your family, or suck it up and do what the parents wish.

I've made choices that my parents weren't exactly thrilled with, and yes it hurts when they are upset with me, but you know what, I had to do what was right for me. If I was trying to please my parents all the time I would go nuts.
No wonder these kids have problems.

Lady Pi Phi,

These people aren't messed up. They just grew up in a different culture. Some immigrant parents are really "old country" and raise their kids that way. Others are more like my parents, people who are a little more liberal. These kids, unlike us, accept what their parents say. Only a few (like the cop mentioned in my previous post) dare to rebel. It's just the way it is. They're probably not going to raise their kids the same way though.

-Taualumna

[Lady Pi Phi]

Originally posted by Taualumna
Lady Pi Phi,

These people aren't messed up. They just grew up in a different culture. Some immigrant parents are really "old country" and raise their kids that way. Others are more like my parents, people who are a little more liberal. These kids, unlike us, accept what their parents say. Only a few (like the cop mentioned in my previous post) dare to rebel. It's just the way it is. They're probably not going to raise their kids the same way though.

-Taualumna

Then they have to live with the choices they make. I don't know why you feel I should have sympathy for them. I'm not bashing their culture or they way they grow up. But I will not listen to anyone bitch about how bad they have if they do not make an attempt to change it.

[Taualumna]

Originally posted by Lady Pi Phi
Then they have to live with the choices they make. I don't know why you feel I should have sympathy for them. I'm not bashing their culture or they way they grow up. But I will not listen to anyone bitch about how bad they have if they do not make an attempt to change it.

But I'm sure they are making changes, they just respect their elders in a way that they don't say anything to their parents and other older relatives. It's not considered proper to do so. That doesn't mean that they're going to pressure their own kids into medicine (it's usually meds. Law school isn't really something they consider) or dictate the way they should live out their lives.

[Lady Pi Phi]

Originally posted by Taualumna
But I'm sure they are making changes, they just respect their elders in a way that they don't say anything to their parents and other older relatives. It's not considered proper to do so. That doesn't mean that they're going to pressure their own kids into medicine (it's usually meds. Law school isn't really something they consider) or dictate the way they should live out their lives.

Well it's not really respectful if they go behind their parents back and do things they disapprove of now is it?

[Taualumna]

Originally posted by Lady Pi Phi
Well it's not really respectful if they go behind their parents back and do things they disapprove of now is it?

It all depends on how they live and where they live. If the parents live with the family, then the family'll probably be more traditional. It'll be a little difficult for their parents to control how a couple raises their children if they only see them, say, twice a month. But yes, in some very, very, very traditional families, even third generation Canadians/Americans are still somewhat "Old Country". It takes time, Lady Pi Phi.

[Lady Pi Phi]

Originally posted by Taualumna
It all depends on how they live and where they live. If the parents live with the family, then the family'll probably be more traditional. It'll be a little difficult for their parents to control how a couple raises their children if they only see them, say, twice a month. But yes, in some very, very, very traditional families, even third generation Canadians/Americans are still somewhat "Old Country". It takes time, Lady Pi Phi.

Like I said, I don't know why you want me to have sympathy for them then...I don't. They can live their lives the way they want. If they are un happy it's there problem, and over time they can change it or live with it. It doesn't mater one way or the other to me.
But I grow weary of this argument. You win, you can have the last word. we'll just have to agree to disagree.

Besides, this thread is now way off topic. We should be discussion women who want to be stay at home mothers, but instead we're arguing about kids who can't stand up to their parents because of "old world" traditions.

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by Taualumna
I'm glad the school pressures social graces. We need it in this day and age! Too bad most schools no longer do that. I find it really sad.

How about it's not the school's job? None of the grade schools I attended (among the top in my state) taught me etiquette and other such things---but guess who did? MY PARENTS, THAT'S WHO! I know and practice all sorts of social customs that are seen as downright archaic by others, and it's due to my upbringing. It's not the school's responsibility. As a result, those schools who still teach such customs do are usually seen in a different light.

You really can't hide behind cultural excuses...haven't we been saying that it's all about CHOICE? I have friends who are 1st and 2nd generation Americans who have been urged into certain career paths by their parents--some have CHOSEN to become doctors and lawyers to fund their parents' retirements, while others CHOSE to follow their hearts. End of story.

[Taualumna]

Originally posted by Munchkin03
How about it's not the school's job? None of the grade schools I attended (among the top in my state) taught me etiquette and other such things---but guess who did? MY PARENTS, THAT'S WHO! I know and practice all sorts of social customs that are seen as downright archaic by others, and it's due to my upbringing. It's not the school's responsibility. As a result, those schools who still teach such customs do are usually seen in a different light.

You really can't hide behind cultural excuses...haven't we been saying that it's all about CHOICE? I have friends who are 1st and 2nd generation Americans who have been urged into certain career paths by their parents--some have CHOSEN to become doctors and lawyers to fund their parents' retirements, while others CHOSE to follow their hearts. End of story.

How about mom and dad not having the time to teach social graces to their kids? The girl in the article did say that both her parents worked long hours. As for children of immigrants, often they say that it is a choice, but in reality isn't. They're very much pressured into saying yes. It's like more traditional arranged marriages.

Originally posted by Taualumna
How about mom and dad not having the time to teach social graces to their kids?

It really bothers me when parents send their children to extremely expensive private schools, and then work so much to pay for it that they don't have the time to be parents.

[Taualumna]

Originally posted by Ginger
It really bothers me when parents send their children to extremely expensive private schools, and then work so much to pay for it that they don't have the time to be parents.

I know public school parents who don't spend lots of time with their kids either. Many people have really demanding jobs and therefore don't have time for their kids. Of course, one of them can always give up their jobs, but not all would want to do such a thing. Personally, I think kids whose parents don't have time for them at home are better off in boarding school where they'll receive better care.

[rho4life]

Originally posted by Lady Pi Phi
No, I disagree...it can be just as cold for working mums...it depends on how you take it...some people are more sensitive than others, working mums don't have it any better or worse than stay at home mums, it all depends on the person.

It can be very cold for women who are childless by choice. Kids are great, especially when they go back to their rightful owners! It amazes me that once women pass 25, everyone assumes they want babies a plenty, but men don't get the same pressure in american society. What reallllllllllllllly boils my blood is when people tell me "oh, you'll change your mind" Waht I want to say is: "That's funny, b/c you don't seem to be changing your comb over into a more flattering haristyle. But, you'll change your mind"

[Taualumna]

Originally posted by rho4life
It can be very cold for women who are childless by choice. Kids are great, especially when they go back to their rightful owners! It amazes me that once women pass 25, everyone assumes they want babies a plenty, but men don't get the same pressure in american society. What reallllllllllllllly boils my blood is when people tell me "oh, you'll change your mind" Waht I want to say is: "That's funny, b/c you don't seem to be changing your comb over into a more flattering haristyle. But, you'll change your mind"

But don't you think that there are families that wonder why their 40something son isn't married yet? Or some families wondering why their 21 year old son has never had a girlfriend? Guys don't have the same pressure because, well, guys don't get pregnant.

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally posted by Taualumna
But don't you think that there are families that wonder why their 40something son isn't married yet? Or some families wondering why their 21 year old son has never had a girlfriend? Guys don't have the same pressure because, well, guys don't get pregnant.

WTF? That's like saying we should all be pregnant. I know a lot of guys who have pressure from their families to not date until they've graduated.