Things That I'm Sick To Death of Hearing...

[GeorgiaGreek]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Also, when I tell people I may consider adopting an older kid or teen at some point:

"But why would you want someone ELSE'S kid?"
"I could never love a kid that I didn't actually give birth to."
"But why would you want to miss out on the birth experience?"
"Why wouldn't you want a baby???"

Motherhood comes in many forms. To insist that a child "is not yours" because they're adopted is really offensive. Also, not everyone wants "the baby experience."

How awful of people to say. Not only is that a terrible sentiment, but what if you happened to be adopted yourself? And why would anybody try to deter someone from doing something that is kind and compassionate to others, especially when it would help an existing problem. Older kids are far less likely to be adopted than babies and very young children, and once they age out they're just let go with nothing or very little; Why couldn't someone understand another person wanting to stop that?

"I could never love a kid that I didn't actually give birth to." Ask them if they love their dog/cat/pet. Most pet owners would say they do, and it's pretty likely they didn't birth that creature.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by GeorgiaGreek

How awful of people to say. Not only is that a terrible sentiment, but what if you happened to be adopted yourself? And why would anybody try to deter someone from doing something that is kind and compassionate to others, especially when it would help an existing problem. Older kids are far less likely to be adopted than babies and very young children, and once they age out they're just let go with nothing or very little; Why couldn't someone understand another person wanting to stop that?

"I could never love a kid that I didn't actually give birth to." Ask them if they love their dog/cat/pet. Most pet owners would say they do, and it's pretty likely they didn't birth that creature.

Because people are selfish assholes.

[adpimiz]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Because people are selfish assholes.

Agreed. It makes me sad that someone would say that!

[ADPi95]

Originally Posted by GeorgiaGreek

How awful of people to say. Not only is that a terrible sentiment, but what if you happened to be adopted yourself? And why would anybody try to deter someone from doing something that is kind and compassionate to others, especially when it would help an existing problem. Older kids are far less likely to be adopted than babies and very young children, and once they age out they're just let go with nothing or very little; Why couldn't someone understand another person wanting to stop that?

"I could never love a kid that I didn't actually give birth to." Ask them if they love their dog/cat/pet. Most pet owners would say they do, and it's pretty likely they didn't birth that creature.

Ditto. I may not want kids, but if I ever did decide to be a parent, I would adopt an older child. Shame on those who think there's something wrong with that.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Also, when I tell people I may consider adopting an older kid or teen at some point:

"But why would you want someone ELSE'S kid?"
"I could never love a kid that I didn't actually give birth to."
"But why would you want to miss out on the birth experience?"
"Why wouldn't you want a baby???"

Motherhood comes in many forms. To insist that a child "is not yours" because they're adopted is really offensive. Also, not everyone wants "the baby experience."

My friend has also said that she might want to do the same thing one day. I'm one of the only people she talks to about this anymore, because everyone else criticizes her. Why is everyone caught up on the whole giving birth thing? Just because you can procreate doesn't mean you have to. And just because you don't doesn't mean you can't take care of a child and love it as if it were your own.

A few months ago, my mom mentioned the word "grandchildren" for the first time, and since then, it hasn't really stopped. When I say I don't want kids, she tells me I'll surely change my mind. She says, "Look at me.. your father and I didn't want kids, but here you are!" I always respond, "Yes, but when you were my age, I was nearly 2 years old." She clearly changed her mind long before she was my age now. She's still convinced I don't know what I want.

And now when we're around my aunts, if the topic of kids comes up, she always says how great being pregnant was and tries to get them to say the same... as though that's going to convince me to have kids.

Aaand.. she just met my boyfriend a couple weeks ago, and she LOVES him. She has NEVER said how much she likes my significant other while we're going out. Usually she just mentions the things she didn't like about them after we break up. This has only made the problem worse. Now she keeps peppering the words "wedding" and "marriage" into conversations. She always laughs and makes it sound like a joke, but I know part of her really wants it to happen.

She was never like this before. It's driving me crazy!

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

A few months ago, my mom mentioned the word "grandchildren" for the first time, and since then, it hasn't really stopped.

At least my nutcase MIL waited until we were actually married. Granted, she waited for approximately five milliseconds. The ink wasn't even dry on the ketubah when she said, "Wouldn't it be nice if your grandmother [i.e. her mother] could be a great-grandmother before she DIES!!!!!" As if GMIL had one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. (GMIL passed away earlier this year. She lived to see our 13th anniversary, and she did ultimately get her great-grandchild, in the form of our cat. Her other grandchild, DH's first cousin, is childfree, as am I.)

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

"Wouldn't it be nice if your grandmother [i.e. her mother] could be a great-grandmother before she DIES!!!!!"

A few days ago, my mom said something like "I hope I live long enough to see you have children." This was the first time she has EVER said something like that to me--she usually tells me not to rush, just finish school and I'll have plenty of time for that later. I liked those comments much better and I'm hoping she goes back to those.

When my pastor's wife said they were thinking about adopting, we were all over the moon for them. A child is a child. I get why some don't want to adopt but it's hard to believe they would try to discourage others from giving a child a caring home.

[aggieAXO]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

At least my nutcase MIL waited until we were actually married. Granted, she waited for approximately five milliseconds. The ink wasn't even dry on the ketubah when she said, "Wouldn't it be nice if your grandmother [i.e. her mother] could be a great-grandmother before she DIES!!!!!" As if GMIL had one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. (GMIL passed away earlier this year. She lived to see our 13th anniversary, and she did ultimately get her great-grandchild, in the form of our cat. Her other grandchild, DH's first cousin, is childfree, as am I.)

I have 3 brothers and only one has kids. The rest of us are happily childless.

[pshsx1]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

"This is Rachel from Cardholder Services."

Originally Posted by TPA85

#TeamOxfordComma.

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

"If you vote for a third party candidate you are throwing away your vote."

Or as some of my Facebook friends kept saying: "IF YOU'RE NOT VOTING THIRD PARTY, YOU'RE NOT EDUCATING AND THROWING AWAY OUR COUNTRY." Okay, friends.

Also, "Internet Explorer 9 is beautifully fast!" Microsoft, leave me alone.

[carnation]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Also, when I tell people I may consider adopting an older kid or teen at some point:

"But why would you want someone ELSE'S kid?"
"I could never love a kid that I didn't actually give birth to."
"But why would you want to miss out on the birth experience?"

Motherhood comes in many forms. To insist that a child "is not yours" because they're adopted is really offensive. Also, not everyone wants "the baby experience."

This is one of my don't-get-me-starteds. As many of you know, five of ours are transracially adopted. From the moment they came in the door, they were (are) OURS and we didn't divide them into the adopteds versus the non-adopteds.

People of all races had something to say, most good, but some not. These were people we didn't know, like strangers in malls. I will never figure out why they thought they had the right to comment.

I so love my now-adult babies.

[Psi U MC Vito]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

"But why would you want to miss out on the birth experience?"

Not sure if anybody commented on this, but there are people who actually want to go through the birth experience? I can't imagine being miserable for months and not having control of my own body and then hours of excruciating pain. Then again I'm a man and will never have to go through it myself.

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by Psi U MC Vito

Not sure if anybody commented on this, but there are people who actually want to go through the birth experience? I can't imagine being miserable for months and not having control of my own body and then hours of excruciating pain. Then again I'm a man and will never have to go through it myself.

But... but... but then you're missing out on the birth experience! It doesn't matter if you're a man! Go have a sex change and have a baby!

[DubaiSis]

When it comes to babies, people say the most horrible things. I think I was let off the hook about a lot of this because 1-I got married old and 2-my husband has MS and people assume it's hereditary (it's not). I love little kids but I really didn't want the responsibility and don't regret my decision. However, as I'm getting older, I'm wishing I had grand kids in my future.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

When it comes to babies, people say the most horrible things. I think I was let off the hook about a lot of this because 1-I got married old and 2-my husband has MS and people assume it's hereditary (it's not). I love little kids but I really didn't want the responsibility and don't regret my decision. However, as I'm getting older, I'm wishing I had grand kids in my future.

I hear you on this one!!! I still have relatives who ask me when we're having kids when they know it's just not possible for me, and after I explain it again, tell me, "well you can always adopt!"

How is someone supposed to respond to that statement? No, I can't adopt because nobody in their right mind would give a kid to someone so sick. Not to mention that I'm TOO SICK to take care of a baby/child.

People don't realize how much this kind of conversation hurts. Sigh.

[GeorgiaGreek]

I'm so thankful that my mother has never put pressure on me to want to have kids. She has openly said she would love grandchildren (and she can't see a baby in public without trying to play with it), but has made it clear that it matters more that I'm happy than that I have children. I don't have siblings, so I'd be her only shot at grandkids, and I really do want to have a family someday (not yet, I'm still in undergrad), but I'm just very lucky I've never felt obligated or pressured to want kids because she wants me to have them. And, I know that if I chose to adopt, she would be exactly as thrilled as if I had kids myself.

We have a family friend who didn't get married for the first time until a little later than typical, almost 40, and she and her husband decided to adopt, for one reason or another. The ended up adopting 3 sisters who were between 5 and 9 from a VERY messed up family life/foster situation, and it changed all of their lives for the better. Anyone who could look down upon them for doing that instead of having a kid of their own, if it was even possible for them, is a selfish, shallow fool. I'm extremely supportive of adoption, despite it's drawbacks, and still having trouble wrapping my brain around people who can't support other people doing it, even if they can't/won't do it themselves