Changing your name

[Taualumna]

Originally posted by cuaphi
OH! I like that a lot. The tradition of a father giving away his daughter seems kind of outdated since most people live away from home and establish their own lives before marriage now. That being said, I still want my daddy to walk me down the aisle cause it's sweet. That wording is perfect.

But at the same time you're seeing many young people move BACK home after college. I know that many people are marrying later in life, but what if you are a 26 year old bride, and the sole reason why you're living at home is because you're saving up for the big wedding?

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by Taualumna
What if you are a 26 year old bride, and the sole reason why you're living at home is because you're saving up for the big wedding?

Then she has a lot of other issues which desperately need to be addressed. I can understand being at home for financial (layoffs, but not a wedding) or health reasons.

Before a woman can establish a family, she needs to learn how to have a household.

[Taualumna]

Originally posted by Munchkin03
Then she has a lot of other issues which desperately need to be addressed. I can understand being at home for financial (layoffs, but not a wedding) or health reasons.

Before a woman can establish a family, she needs to learn how to have a household.

She could be learning at home. Also, don't forget that in some cultures, unmarried adult children are expected to live at home (and this includes boys! There was an (twenty-something) Italian guy in my class a couple of years ago who said that his 30 year old brother still lived at home. The guy has a full time job and was engaged to be married.) until marriage. Personally, I'd move out as soon as I can afford to do so.

[kappaloo]

Originally posted by Intense1920
The celebrant: Who gives this woman to be married to this man? The bride’s father responds: She gives herself, with the blessing of her mother and father.

Ooooh! I really like that!

Though I've always wanted both my mother and father to walk me down the aisle.

[swissmiss04]

Originally posted by Intense1920
I don't think that taking your husband's name equivalates to a woman being a man's subordinate. Let him take her name, shoot let them come up with their own name whatever makes them happy. I will have my father walk me down the aisle. I am a lot closer to my father than my mother anyway. I'm not too fond of the father "giving" away his daughter scenario but I found some solutions that I like.
The celebrant: Who gives this woman to be married to this man? The bride’s father responds: She gives herself, with the blessing of her mother and father.
Or instead of the word "gives" insert "brings" and the father could respond "her family does".
There are a lot of options..

That's so sweet. I also prefer "love, honor, and cherish" over "love, honor, and *obey*". My friend Libby got married last month and both her parents walked her down the aisle. It was cute!

[James]

IF you want to change all the traditions of marriage, which is of course your right, why get married at all?

IF you change or disagree with the cultural traditions that led to the instituion of marriage, what does it mean to you other than an umnnecessary legal relationship?

Even economically the bennies of getting marred are not that spectacular.

And such things as child support are pretty formulistic now.

So why not just live together and celebrate your own love and committment in a very personal way?

[swissmiss04]

Originally posted by James
IF you want to change all the traditions of marriage, which is of course your right, why get married at all?

IF you change or disagree with the cultural traditions that led to the instituion of marriage, what does it mean to you other than an umnnecessary legal relationship?

Even economically the bennies of getting marred are not that spectacular.

And such things as child support are pretty formulistic now.

So why not just live together and celebrate your own love and committment in a very personal way?

Cultural traditions, James. Religiously (for most) marriage is a sacred contract/sacrament/agreement to love one another, support one another in life and to raise children together (if that's mutually decided). Marriage is not changing your name (or not changing it), letting your dad walk you down the aisle (or both parents, or your dog, etc). It's about being together in life. Refusing to bow to what some consider to be paternalistic traditions does not in any way undermine the definition and practice of marriage. If one is under the delusion that to be married one must become Mrs. Hislastname, wear a pretty white gown, be given away by Daddy and then afterwards take off for 2 weeks to the Bahamas, then I'd say that person doesn't understand what marriage is. That may partially explain the incredible divorce rate in this country.

[valkyrie]

James, I think it's simplistic to either accept marriage and all of its traditions or reject it entirely. Why not be a part of the evolution of marriage? I don't see why it, as a concept, can't change and become more progressive and less sexist.

[swissmiss04]

Originally posted by valkyrie
James, I think it's simplistic to either accept marriage and all of its traditions or reject it entirely. Why not be a part of the evolution of marriage? I don't see why it, as a concept, can't change and become more progressive and less sexist.

Exactly! I mean, really, who displays the bloody bedsheet these days?

[_Opi_]

^lmao, haven't heard that one in a while!

Originally posted by Canadian AOII
I personally think it reinforces the subordination of women in a patriarchal society.

I totally agree.

[Tippiechick]

I am Tiffany Mylastname Hislastname. I plan to teach, so it is not practical to ask kindergarteners to say a whole mouthful of names each time they address me.

I am Mrs. Hislastname at school. But, I am Tiffany Mylastname Hislastname officially.

I like it that way. It's traditional and a bit contemporary at the same time. It works for us.