Cheating Men

[snuggles12]

Playing with fire is when you don't place boundaries around your friends of the opposite sex or when your friends of the opposite sex do not respect your relationship.

Boundaries should be placed on any friend of the opposite sex and isn't reserved for just attractive friends.

You know when you are playing with fire when you start hiding activities that you and your friend do from your significant other.

For example, having lunch with a friend of the opposite sex and the conversation is very general, not sexual and you are not complaining about your significant other is all right. When the conversation turns to sexual topics and you start complaining about your significant other, then you are playing with fire.

Originally posted by stoplook_listen
I am curious. If you have a friendship with a female that is similar to your friendships w/ your guys (except she's a female), would that be considered "playing w/ fire?"
Can boundaries be laid and enforced w/ attractive female friends or, is it only cool to be friends w/ unattractive women?

Do women feel threatened by them? I know most men feel threatened by "male" friends cause we know how alot of men "are". Conversely, I know many females who are able to be just friends w/ a guy without having the mentality that if he ever came on to her, she'd sex him. I don't mean to make generalizations, but for the most part this seems to hold true.

[stoplook_listen]

Many women and especially men are insecure about their partner having ANY type of relationship with the opposite sex. Of course you ALWAYs put your partner FIRST, however, is it fair for them to expect you to sacrafice friendships because of their insecurity?

Would one be wrong to tell their mate to "get over it!"...given the fact that the friendships followed the appropriate boundaries?

[lovelyivy84]

It is absolutely possible to just be friends, and have boundaries, but it is hard for men to stick within them. How do I know? I have a lot of guy friends, and I have had to check a couple of them on occassion. When I did, they remembered, lol.

But I do admit that I am not attracted to any of my male friends whatsoever. Not in the slightest. I don't know if I could really be JUST friends with someone I found attractive who also found me attractive because I have tried it in the past and it never works. Tension always messesthings up one way or another.

As for appropriate behavior when in a relationship I think TLAW's suggestion of not doing anything that you would be mad about is a really good one. If your SO has a problem with your friendship with a member of the opposite sex then I guess it all depends on the strength of the frienship v. the strength of the relationship. I would have to take a good look at how I interact with whoever they had a problem with. If I thought they had a point then I would try to accomodate them, but if I felt that they were overreacting I will be damned if I throw away a long-term friendship for someone who can't stand that I have other people who are important to me.

As for this whole judging issue NO ONE HERE said that Professor was bad or a bad man, just that we felt he was making a mistake that really does reflect on his strengths and weaknesses. We just gave our opinions. I really don't care if anyone doesn't like mine, he asked for it.

And as to the whole not being strong enough to want to know that just made me sad. You shouldn't let a romantic relationship define who you are, or how you feel about yourself (outside of a marriage anyway). No man defines you, and if you let one you are just ASKING for trouble, really (men can smell needy a mile away). If you found out that he cheated, would you bblame him or the woman involved? Just curious.

[sunnydays96]

Originally posted by lovelyivy84
If you found out that he cheated, would you blame him or the woman involved? Just curious.

Me personally, I would only blame my EX-MAN. Why? Because he's the one in the relationship. He's the one making the commitment to me, not the other woman. I can't do anything to the other woman, meaning reasoning with her, telling her how I feel, or giving her a beatdown, to make her stop her stank behavior. Her punishment will come when she's emotionally and physically tired of being used and getting the short end of the stick. She'll be ready to change her ways and find Mr. Right but it will be hard because of her past deeds catching up to her.

[optimizm17]

lovelyivy 84: And as to the whole not being strong enough to want to know that just made me sad. You shouldn't let a romantic relationship define who you are, or how you feel about yourself (outside of a marriage anyway). No man defines you, and if you let one you are just ASKING for trouble, really (men can smell needy a mile away). If you found out that he cheated, would you bblame him or the woman involved? Just curious.

In regards to not wanting to know it isn't because I just need "a man" to stick around. I believe a person could be in a relationship worth saving (i.e. perhaps married with children). If I were in a relationship worth saving, the only way it could be "saved" is for me not to know. If I knew my mate cheated on me I don't think I could know that information and maintain the relationship. It will probably come to a point where the relationship would have to end.

I would definitely blame him for the cheating. It isn't the woman's responsibility to set boundaries for someone else's relationship. It would be nice if once people knew you were in a committed relationship they would act accordingly. But that's not how it works. Whoever is in the relationship is responsibile for setting the boundaries (even if you have to be mean about it . folks will try to test your limits)

[#2 Cool Breeze]

I have to say that a wise man once told me that if all men lie, then all women deceive; dates back to the garden. So what I'm saying is that we all have the potential to cheat or whatever, but the difference between men and women is that we act without planning and thinking of the consequences...when a woman decides to cheat, she plans things out...she has her story, her alibi, the whole nine.... but this does not change the fact that we all, man or woman, cheat, given the right circumstances

[lovelyivy84]

Originally posted by #2 Cool Breeze
I have to say that a wise man once told me that if all men lie, then all women deceive; dates back to the garden. So what I'm saying is that we all have the potential to cheat or whatever, but the difference between men and women is that we act without planning and thinking of the consequences...when a woman decides to cheat, she plans things out...she has her story, her alibi, the whole nine.... but this does not change the fact that we all, man or woman, cheat, given the right circumstances

No comment. I was going to say something and just realized that there was no way to say it nicely.

[Dexter]

Originally posted by librasoul22


But just to put the shoe on the other foot, the Professor similarly did not say, "when giving your oprions, please sugarcoat them so as not to offend me." I don't know about anyone else, but when someone asks me MY opinion, they had better be prepared to get it, harsh or not.

OHH Lawd, There's a FEMALE Dexter out there!!

[TLAW]

LOL@ CoolBreeze and lovelyivy

[librasoul22]

Originally posted by Dexter


OHH Lawd, There's a FEMALE Dexter out there!!

Are you fine? Cause if so then you might be right! LOL

I am LOL @ lovelyivy!

[lovelyivy84]

Originally posted by librasoul22


Are you fine? Cause if so then you might be right! LOL

I am LOL @ lovelyivy!

Well damn what am I supposed to say? This isn't our forum and he didn't ask for my personal opinion. I figures that just reshowing the message would highlight the major flaws in that oh-so-specious argument.

[Conskeeted19]

If you saw this girl intimately again, would it be another one of your mistakes??????? Are you still in contact with this girl? I sure hope that your fiancee does not frequent GC. Well, you could always say that you were simply trying to spark conversation! As for telling her, HELL NAW!!!! I wouldn't tell even if my man walked in on me and sat on the bed and held a conversation. I would swear that he didn't talk to me. He would have to put handcuffs on me and draw blood or pull a string of hair from my head and have it analyzed and even after that I would say that I was drugged or something. Don't forget to answer my question; will the next time be a mistake too!

[Professor]

Call me at home and we can talk about it

[DELTAQTE]

Originally posted by Professor
Constance and her family attended my church on Sunday. My pastor said that we had special guest and asked if I would do the welcome. I talked about how this was a special time of year. A time to celebrate the birth of the living savior. A time to renew old friendships and a time for family. I went on to say that God has been good and that I felt like singing my favorite "To God Be the Glory." I hit every note. Monique, I can sing but I don't really go all out unless it is at a funeral. I had the church on fire. Folk were standing and shouting and I even thought my dad was going to cry. I looked over at my mom and she was dabbing her eye. I felt God's love for me and the love that only parents can give. At this point I was nervous and thought this was going to be the time I have waited for all my life. I thought the Holy Ghost was going to send me running around the church - - - you know how some folk do in church. Well, I've always wanted to know that feeling that is so strong that you pass out as you praise the name of Jesus. Unfortunately, it was not my time. Although now neverous, I testified to my parents and church family that God had blessed me. I went on to talk of times at a low and how his love and forgiveness lifted me. I finally said that there is only one thing that could complete my life - a helpmate ( I got the term from Church Folk). I walked over to Constance and said how she enriched my life and helped me to understand the love that my parents share. I took her by the hand and said that individually each of the three diamonds in my hand is representative of friendship, love and happiness and as my wife I promise a lifetime of all three. I finally said "Will you complete my life and become Mrs. Constance .... Monique she cried and cried and cried. I thought she was going to say no for a minute because she could not stop crying. What really got me is when she placed her hands around my face and kissed me lightly on the lips and said yes. I was HAPPY AND EMBARASSASED at the same time. After all we were in church and I wanted to . . . well you know what I mean. Everyone in church stood and clapped. My parents and her aunts and uncle hugged us. My bad seed Brother was even crying and gave us a hug. I could not have wised for a better way of popping the question. Not bad for a brother that is not considered to be a romantic


Observant you aint' spoke nothing but the truth. I cannot believe you cheated after all your loving posts and after only 4 months of marriage.

My English teacher told me that PURE love is when you 100% think about the other person at all times. What in the world did you wife do to you to make you "weak at the time"? Were you fighting?

I haven't been to GC in a while but DAMN!

[Professor]

Hell Fire - Can we move on. I am not married as of yet. We are stilllllllll plannnnnning what is to be the grandest event in North Carolina.

professor singing - - - - we fall down, but we get up . . .

Originally posted by DELTAQTE
Originally posted by Professor
Constance and her family attended my church on Sunday. My pastor said that we had special guest and asked if I would do the welcome. I talked about how this was a special time of year. A time to celebrate the birth of the living savior. A time to renew old friendships and a time for family. I went on to say that God has been good and that I felt like singing my favorite "To God Be the Glory." I hit every note. Monique, I can sing but I don't really go all out unless it is at a funeral. I had the church on fire. Folk were standing and shouting and I even thought my dad was going to cry. I looked over at my mom and she was dabbing her eye. I felt God's love for me and the love that only parents can give. At this point I was nervous and thought this was going to be the time I have waited for all my life. I thought the Holy Ghost was going to send me running around the church - - - you know how some folk do in church. Well, I've always wanted to know that feeling that is so strong that you pass out as you praise the name of Jesus. Unfortunately, it was not my time. Although now neverous, I testified to my parents and church family that God had blessed me. I went on to talk of times at a low and how his love and forgiveness lifted me. I finally said that there is only one thing that could complete my life - a helpmate ( I got the term from Church Folk). I walked over to Constance and said how she enriched my life and helped me to understand the love that my parents share. I took her by the hand and said that individually each of the three diamonds in my hand is representative of friendship, love and happiness and as my wife I promise a lifetime of all three. I finally said "Will you complete my life and become Mrs. Constance .... Monique she cried and cried and cried. I thought she was going to say no for a minute because she could not stop crying. What really got me is when she placed her hands around my face and kissed me lightly on the lips and said yes. I was HAPPY AND EMBARASSASED at the same time. After all we were in church and I wanted to . . . well you know what I mean. Everyone in church stood and clapped. My parents and her aunts and uncle hugged us. My bad seed Brother was even crying and gave us a hug. I could not have wised for a better way of popping the question. Not bad for a brother that is not considered to be a romantic


Observant you aint' spoke nothing but the truth. I cannot believe you cheated after all your loving posts and after only 4 months of marriage.

My English teacher told me that PURE love is when you 100% think about the other person at all times. What in the world did you wife do to you to make you "weak at the time"? Were you fighting?

I haven't been to GC in a while but DAMN!