Alabama Sorority Costs...Can anyone help?

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Titchou

So who on here wants to be the mom telling daughter #2: Well you chose a cheaper college than your older sister but the cost to be Greek for you is too high. So, even though we funded your sister's sorority bills, we aren't going to fund yours because it's too expensive at your school.

Really? You want to tell your already #2 daughter that you don't love her enough to do what you have to do so she can have what you've given her older sister? Wow! And I thought my mother was Momie Dearest personified.

If we take the OP at her word, the family doesn't have the money. I personally don't have any reason to doubt her. The costs she was told to expect turned out to be double at some chapters, and she just can't swing the higher cost.

I suspect she regrets not budgeting differently or whatever, but I'm not sure why you are so quick to conclude that she can "do whatever she has to do" to finance the sorority or that people who love their kids enough can afford anything the kid wants badly enough.

That's not my experience with money. Sometimes, I'm maxed out in terms of what I can spend and with rising concerns about student debt, one could conceivable be maxed out in terms of what you could safely borrow.

Your post here just seems mean spirited to me. I suspect she hates being in the position but can't magically produce the money to change the situation.

[jll]

Originally Posted by Titchou

So who on here wants to be the mom telling daughter #2: Well you chose a cheaper college than your older sister but the cost to be Greek for you is too high. So, even though we funded your sister's sorority bills, we aren't going to fund yours because it's too expensive at your school.

Really? You want to tell your already #2 daughter that you don't love her enough to do what you have to do so she can have what you've given her older sister? Wow! And I thought my mother was Momie Dearest personified.

Wish I could honestly say what I think of you Titchou. But honestly it is so painfully obvious that you are not a parent and I for one say 'Amen' to that.

I have received many PM's from wonderful posters telling me that they understand my position. Several from UA parents directly. The system is flawed. No one should have to guess on the costs. We are not talking about +/- 10% or 20%, we are talking thousands of dollars.

Love has nothing to do with it...and how dare you to even think that love is apart of this. I will not justify my love for my kids to you Titchou...You are nothing but a bully, who is judgemental without having looked in the mirror.

I have three kids in college. ALL have stellar stats and large scholarships that allowed them to go where they pleased. However, my youngest decided to go to UA knowing that we may not be able to fund sorority life, like we did her sister. We thought that we knew the costs, and that we could afford it, with some sacrifice...unfortunately, even after calling Greek Life, the individual National sorority boards and asking Rho Chi's NO ONE can give us the costs of the first year for the basics for many of the houses. I am not looking for exact, but a ballpark figure would help. Not talking T's and zaps...just the fee's, etc.

Older D goes to a LARGE, competitive, well known University with a very large strong greek life. EVERY sorority has the cost to live in and live out posted on their website. EVERY chapter. I think that because of that most houses were very close in cost. No more than a $750 variance for the year between the lowest and highest of those w/ houses. We did not have to even consider cost because we knew we could afford it no matter what house she pledged.

YES, we should have done more research and asked questions earlier and we did think that we had enough info from the UA website, but that is sadly inaccurate. But hindsite is not doing me any good now. Hence my asking for guidance.

I asked a simple question in good faith and very honestly I would do it again because of the wonderful amazing support and information I have gotten from those wise enough to understand.

Titchou you are everything that is sadly stereotypical about sorority life with none of the good. You really should stop posting because if you are representative of sorority life and what it upholds, then no one would join. I sincerely hope that whatever house my D pledges tomorrow it is not one where she would share membership with you.

Moderators...I apologize for my rant. I am done.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by jll

Wish I could honestly say what I think of you Titchou. But honestly it is so painfully obvious that you are not a parent and I for one say 'Amen' to that.

I have received many PM's from wonderful posters telling me that they understand my position. Several from UA parents directly. The system is flawed. No one should have to guess on the costs. We are not talking about +/- 10% or 20%, we are talking thousands of dollars.

Love has nothing to do with it...and how dare you to even think that love is apart of this. I will not justify my love for my kids to you Titchou...You are nothing but a bully, who is judgemental without having looked in the mirror.

I have three kids in college. ALL have stellar stats and large scholarships that allowed them to go where they pleased. However, my youngest decided to go to UA knowing that we may not be able to fund sorority life, like we did her sister. We thought that we knew the costs, and that we could afford it, with some sacrifice...unfortunately, even after calling Greek Life, the individual National sorority boards and asking Rho Chi's NO ONE can give us the costs of the first year for the basics for many of the houses. I am not looking for exact, but a ballpark figure would help. Not talking T's and zaps...just the fee's, etc.

Older D goes to a LARGE, competitive, well known University with a very large strong greek life. EVERY sorority has the cost to live in and live out posted on their website. EVERY chapter. I think that because of that most houses were very close in cost. No more than a $750 variance for the year between the lowest and highest of those w/ houses. We did not have to even consider cost because we knew we could afford it no matter what house she pledged.

YES, we should have done more research and asked questions earlier and we did think that we had enough info from the UA website, but that is sadly inaccurate. But hindsite is not doing me any good now. Hence my asking for guidance.

I asked a simple question in good faith and very honestly I would do it again because of the wonderful amazing support and information I have gotten from those wise enough to understand.

Titchou you are everything that is sadly stereotypical about sorority life with none of the good. You really should stop posting because if you are representative of sorority life and what it upholds, then no one would join. I sincerely hope that whatever house my D pledges tomorrow it is not one where she would share membership with you.

Moderators...I apologize for my rant. I am done.

jll,

Fortunately, the hard-working and knowledgeable alums, actually serving as chapter advisors and assistants during the past two weeks, are busy with constructive tasks related to a successful recruitment, not heckling mothers online while telling new members what Jesus would do.

Speaking for my own chapter anyway.

Hope your daughter has a glorious bid day. All the best.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Hartofsec

jll,

Fortunately, the hard-working and knowledgeable alums, actually serving as chapter advisors and assistants during the past two weeks, are busy with constructive tasks related to a successful recruitment, not heckling mothers online while telling new members what Jesus would do.

Speaking for my own chapter anyway.

Hope your daughter has a glorious bid day. All the best.

You have no idea what you are talking about here or who you are talking about. Just keep that in mind.

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

You have no idea what you are talking about here or who you are talking about. Just keep that in mind.

This. Yes, this.

[Hartofsec]

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

You have no idea what you are talking about here or who you are talking about. Just keep that in mind.

Please keep in mind that I was speaking for my own chapter (as I noted). I would be embarrassed if one of our chapter advisors, for instance, represented us publicly in such a mean-spirited manner, even if via a seemingly anonymous screenname. This is just my opinion, of course.

As for who I am talking about – obviously I cannot read every previous post on this forum, but did check enough to know that she is not a member of my GLO at Bama. It appears that she was affiliated with a sorority that had dwindled so that it eventually folded (while I was in school there, in fact). I do remember the little house on the stadium-side corner – those girls surely could have used help from committed alums.

If she is active in the re-colonization of her chapter, or in other positions of importance within her GLO, then that’s lovely. Still, I can completely understand jll’s sentiment, considering the hurtful manner in which she was treated.

I think I may have a little insight on the behavior now, at least -- but thanks for the warning.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by jll

YES, we should have done more research and asked questions earlier and we did think that we had enough info from the UA website, but that is sadly inaccurate. But hindsite is not doing me any good now. Hence my asking for guidance.

This is the crux of it. Everyone saying "oh, everyone lost money in the last few years, things are not secure anymore, life changes blah blah blah...." that has nothing to do with it, and I don't think jll ever tried to play that card. She simply didn't inform herself well enough in advance, and/or misinterpreted the info she was given (to quote one of my "becoming a woman" books, normal isn't the same thing as average). As a result, she is stuck in an impossible situation.

My original answer still stands. If you have to tell your daughter that she can't afford certain chapters, and her working is really not an option, she should drop out of rush altogether ASAP. It will be much more heartbreaking for her - not to mention her sisters to be - if she grows to love sorority life and then 5 weeks into pledging, realizes she has to drop out because of the fees.

It would be one thing if she was choosing a dorm, and some were more expensive than others, and you had to say "you can live in dorm a or b but not c, d, or e." Sorority rush simply does not work that way.

[Titchou]

UGAAlum94: You know, my Momie Dearest told me one time that what she hated the most about me was that I could do whatever I had to do. I took it as a compliment.

I would never have put my child in this position. I would rather have exercised more control over her choice of school than to tell her she couldn't have what her sibling had. My next door neighbors have 3 daughters. Father has a PhD in chemistry. Mother was no slouch either (she has passed away). All 3 girls were told from their youngest years that they would go to school wherever they got the best offer. ALL 3 got full rides - one getting early Med School acceptance too. And the parents paid for the extras. But all 3 danced, entered Miss Alabama, etc to get scholarships. All 3 made above 32 on their ACTs. So no one was short changed. And all 3 have gotten advanced degrees.. One is working on her THIRD masters. I'm just saying that as a parent you do what you have to do. You don't play favorites because you are going to lose that child if you do.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Titchou

UGAAlum94: You know, my Momie Dearest told me one time that what she hated the most about me was that I could do whatever I had to do. I took it as a compliment.

I would never have put my child in this position. I would rather have exercised more control over her choice of school than to tell her she couldn't have what her sibling had. My next door neighbors have 3 daughters. Father has a PhD in chemistry. Mother was no slouch either (she has passed away). All 3 girls were told from their youngest years that they would go to school wherever they got the best offer. ALL 3 got full rides - one getting early Med School acceptance too. And the parents paid for the extras. But all 3 danced, entered Miss Alabama, etc to get scholarships. All 3 made above 32 on their ACTs. So no one was short changed. And all 3 have gotten advanced degrees.. One is working on her THIRD masters. I'm just saying that as a parent you do what you have to do. You don't play favorites because you are going to lose that child if you do.

Well, ideally all parents would plan it out that much and the kids would work hard and be talented enough to earn the full ride, but often people's circumstances change through no fault of their own. Other kids don't have the raw material or testing skills to pull down 32+ ACTs, etc.

And I think what the OP here is experiencing is a sense of bait and switch. She thought she understood the costs based on the averages and believed she could pay them, and in good faith, she encourage the daughter to rush. But in the middle of the process, she began to understand that for some groups, the cost were virtually double what she could afford.

Personally, I don't think I would have gone the route of telling the daughter to rank based on cost. It puts the kid in a weird position of being at fault if she ends up with a group that costs too much. But the OP is just doing the best she can with the position she's in now, IMO.

I hope the daughter ends up happy with one of the less expensive groups and all will be well.

[Titchou]

[QUOTE=UGAalum94;2168269]Well, ideally all parents would plan it out that much and the kids would work hard and be talented enough to earn the full ride, but often people's circumstances change through no fault of their own. Other kids don't have the raw material or testing skills to pull down 32+ ACTs, etc.

QUOTE]

My intent was to say that the girls did things to find scholarship money like dancing, etc so that coupled with their grades they would be better positioned to get scholarships. You have to work all the angles because you don't know what's going to happen.

[AlphaFrog]

Ya know - sometimes life's not fair and one sibling doesn't get what another one does.

These kids are not ENTITLED for their parents to pay for ANYTHING anymore - school, sorority, and the clothes on their back are THEIR responsibility as legal adults. If this girl wants to be in a sorority bad enough, she may need to get a job (regardless of whether her major prescribes), take out a loan, or forgo this year and work and save all summer and take her chances as a sophomore.

Quit acting like this sorority is this mom's obligation. It's not. She's not a bad mom for choosing to be able to make her mortgage payments rather than fund her daughter's social life.

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Ya know - sometimes life's not fair and one sibling doesn't get what another one does.

These kids are not ENTITLED for their parents to pay for ANYTHING anymore - school, sorority, and the clothes on their back are THEIR responsibility as legal adults. If this girl wants to be in a sorority bad enough, she may need to get a job (regardless of whether her major prescribes), take out a loan, or forgo this year and work and save all summer and take her chances as a sophomore.

Quit acting like this sorority is this mom's obligation. It's not. She's not a bad mom for choosing to be able to make her mortgage payments rather than fund her daughter's social life.

!!!!!

[MaggieXi]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Ya know - sometimes life's not fair and one sibling doesn't get what another one does.

These kids are not ENTITLED for their parents to pay for ANYTHING anymore - school, sorority, and the clothes on their back are THEIR responsibility as legal adults. If this girl wants to be in a sorority bad enough, she may need to get a job (regardless of whether her major prescribes), take out a loan, or forgo this year and work and save all summer and take her chances as a sophomore.

Quit acting like this sorority is this mom's obligation. It's not. She's not a bad mom for choosing to be able to make her mortgage payments rather than fund her daughter's social life.

^^^This.^^^
Sometimes things happen financially - a job loss, a recession, that bonus you thought you were getting - your company can no longer afford, unforeseen medical costs. These "kids" are adults and these are real problems that many many families face. While parents might want to give their kids everything, sometimes, other things come first - like having a roof over their head, or medical insurance.
Maybe if kids understood that they are part of the family and that they may have to make sacrifices too sometimes, we wouldn't have a generation of super special snowflakes.
I've been watching this thread and I'm angered by what some people are implying and clearly some people are projecting their own family issues on this woman who is trying to do right by her daughter. And I'm sorry, shame on any Panhellenic who does not outline approximate (notice I said "approximate" so don't get all over me by saying you can't compare the costs because every chapter includes different things) costs prior to recruitment beginning so families can make a decision about what works for them and what their adult child should be responsible for. Someone give me a good reason why Panhellenic does not require all sororities to make their financial responsibilities (and what it includes/doesn't include) available prior to recruitment registration? (And don't say "thats how it is and always been in the SEC").

[pbear19]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Ya know - sometimes life's not fair and one sibling doesn't get what another one does.

These kids are not ENTITLED for their parents to pay for ANYTHING anymore - school, sorority, and the clothes on their back are THEIR responsibility as legal adults. If this girl wants to be in a sorority bad enough, she may need to get a job (regardless of whether her major prescribes), take out a loan, or forgo this year and work and save all summer and take her chances as a sophomore.

Quit acting like this sorority is this mom's obligation. It's not. She's not a bad mom for choosing to be able to make her mortgage payments rather than fund her daughter's social life.

Yes, yes, yes!!! There were plenty of things I wanted in college but couldn't have because my parents couldn't afford it. I didn't fault them for it. I understood that they did the best they could with the money they had, and if I wanted more, I worked for it and earned the money myself. If this mom honestly thought that the cost of being in a sorority was X and it turned out to be X*2, she's not the worst mom on the planet and shouldn't be expected to go into all kinds of debt. We aren't talking about an extra $100, we're talking about thousands. I gather that some people in this thread have never really lived on a tight budget, but for some families, thousands of dollars a year can mean the difference between eating or not eating.

[Jen]

I always had savings as a teenager. I saved allowance, babysitting money, job money etc, and went to college with a savings account to pay for the things I wanted to do.

I'm kind of flabbergasted that the parents are expected to (or offer to!) pay for everything. Life will be a shock after college for these kids that have a free ride. Although maybe mom and dad are expected to pay for life after college too?