No place for average PNMs?

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by angels&angles

It's also worth noting -- it may have been said again, but worth repeating -- SOMETIMES shy can look like bored/rude. I've had PNMs drive me up the wall, because they're not giving me ANY feedback whatsoever. I talk about philanthropy, they nod. I talk about social, they nod. I talk about academics, they nod. I ask about them, they give one word answers.

Alot of times, I could tell the difference between the bored/rude ones and the really shy ones... but someone giving me that little to go on just isn't attractive. I usually wouldn't advocate dropping someone like that unless we loved everyone else in the round... but sometimes it comes down to that.

YES.

Active sisters don't have time to try and discern who is shy and who is just rude. And some of them are new to rushing PNMs and just can't tell. When you have maybe ONE party to determine interest levels in PNMs, the most obvious indicator of interest is whether a PNM is actually TALKING to the members.

Originally Posted by APhiAnna

Oh, I absolutely agree. One of the things on my list was being shy, which I think is the far more likely case than any of the "slut/stuck-up/crazy story" scenarios. The problem with being shy is that it rarely makes the person disliked by sisters, but it rarely makes them memorable, and sometimes if they aren't memorable they can easily fall through the cracks.

I think the majority of girls who have bad rushes are probably shy or reserved, which is why they usually shine through COB.

Most of the "extreme" items on that list, IMHO, occur rarely. But when a mother comes on and says, "my daughter is the most outgoing person in the world, modeled for Victoria's Secret, found a cure for the common cold and spent a year living in Tibet helping the poor and got dropped by all chapters" you have to wonder. Maybe she is not as outgoing or stunning looking as the mother believes, but if she is then she probably did something very extreme to not get invited back to ALL (!) of the chapters.

I can totally see a shy girl falling through the cracks even though she is a great person. But I have a hard time believing that somebody who reportedly has such a great personality, stunning looks, great grades and extracurriculars, etc. can truly "fall through the cracks"...if all the claims are true then there is usually something else to the story.

I wasn't going to get back on and add anything additional to this but what the heck. I know it sounds far fetched. But my daughter is everything that I presented in previous posts and more. You can actually google more than 6 pages of her accomplishments (I am not making this up), and yes her sitting sister is at another college in the same state, not only did she receive a ride to the school where she is currently a freshman, but she received several monetary humanitarian awards that she donated back to the organizations that she volunteers for... She was voted both most likely to succeed and the friendliest by her senior class. I guess the only thing that she has against her is' that she is somewhat shy when in a new situation (but what person isn't), she was a varsity cheerleader all through high school, but opted not to try out in college. So although many of you posters keept trying to find something wrong with her, there wasn't anything really glaring or another story out there. I just wanted to point these facts out. I know she would have made a contribution to any Sorority on her campus. I have to stop reading these replies though, I have better things to do with my time

cob is not an option as all houses made quota

[KSUViolet06]

As I was saying, sure she seems like a great girl on paper and such, but at the end of the day, you were not present in the parties to see her interactions.

You say that she is a little shy in new situations. That could have TOTALLY shown during recruitment and made her less memorable.

Not saying that she is a bad person, but if she is not really talking during the parties and cuts must be made, unfortunately, the shyest will likely be cut.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by kkgdgmom

You might trying showing compassion to girls who are clearly not in your league...

If you daughter exhibited this type of attitude during recruitment, that very well could have been her downfall.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by kkgdgmom

cob is not an option as all houses made quota

It's possible that some could still be under total. I don't know, but your daughter could ask at Greek Life.

[gee_ess]

kkgdgmom - your daughter does, in fact, sound like a wonderful young woman. Although it may not feel like it, really and truly, GC members do sympathize with your situation. We have just seen these situations occur so many times (many of us are advisors, national officers, or very involved alumni) that we know there are some very consistent scenarios that occur when a girl is cut heavily. I think if you will read carefully, most of us are guessing (and it's a guess, obviously) that the out of state factor was a biggie for your daughter and that she was, quite simply, overlooked. Mentioning the worst case scenarios (less than flattering things a pnm can do to hurt herself) is not meant to hurt your feelings. These things do happen - but we don't know a thing about your specific daughter.

I hope your daughter at the other chapter has been able to help you and your freshman daughter come to terms with what has happened. I can imagine, as a member who has been in the 'inside,' that she could be of great help in working through the disappointment and possibly figuring out what went wrong. At the very least, I am sure she understands how crazy and unpredictable rush can be. Of course, that is not much consolation at this time.

I hope that your daughter has a good year at school and finds her niche, wherever and whatever that may be.

[DrPhil]

I wonder if her daughter was as annoying as her mom is being right now.

[Xidelt]

I guess we've had our flounce post. This story just seems too perfect and convenient to be true.

[RhoGamma09]

Originally Posted by kkgdgmom

I wasn't going to get back on and add anything additional to this but what the heck. I know it sounds far fetched. But my daughter is everything that I presented in previous posts and more. You can actually google more than 6 pages of her accomplishments (I am not making this up), and yes her sitting sister is at another college in the same state, not only did she receive a ride to the school where she is currently a freshman, but she received several monetary humanitarian awards that she donated back to the organizations that she volunteers for... She was voted both most likely to succeed and the friendliest by her senior class. I guess the only thing that she has against her is' that she is somewhat shy when in a new situation (but what person isn't), she was a varsity cheerleader all through high school, but opted not to try out in college. So although many of you posters keept trying to find something wrong with her, there wasn't anything really glaring or another story out there. I just wanted to point these facts out. I know she would have made a contribution to any Sorority on her campus. I have to stop reading these replies though, I have better things to do with my time

I'm probably preaching to the choir here because you said youre not coming back, but for what its worth,

look, I am sure youre daughter IS wonderful. But lets look at a couple things here:

You might be wonderful too, but in some of your posts, you came off as pretty snippy....probably why we seemed so harsh in return. I bet $10 you didnt mean to be snippy at all (except for when you were going on about how you hope we're not in your sorority and how youre out of out league)
But guess what? Wires get crossed. Things come across the wrong way. When youre an awesome person and you have an accomplishment list a mile long, you immediately become intimidating, and learning how to deal with being awesome AND not scaring people at the same time is hard, and probably something that will take your daughter all of college to learn how to deal with.

And shyness. She is probably some sweet, shy, wonderful person, but during recruitment, whatever your weakness is comes out tenfold because of all the pressure, so her shyness mightve gotten the best of her, but maybe to the girls, this exceedingly gorgeous legacy/awesome girl might not seem shy, but aloof.

And lastly, this could be a possibility, I had a best friend who is a model, she is ridiculously tall and model like, she has all the right features, bright, intelligent, an excellent actress, and friendly, but she was a little shy when meeting people, and guess what? People were downright scared of her. Models, when placed next to normal everyday people, sometimes look otherwordly compared to everyone else, and to top it off, she was shy so they all thought that she was just an aloof b....talk about being misunderstood. Shes in college now at a huge Greek school, and she never got into a house either.

Your daughter can learn a valuable lesson from this, she has everything on paper, but she can learn how to take her experience and figure out how she can master making a great impression in 60 seconds. It takes being relaxed, friendly, outgoing, humble, but still letting all that awesomeness and charisma shine through.

Its three years after I went through and I STILL think about it down to the minute of my recruitment and try to figure out just WHAT I was like under all that pressure in a uncomfortable/unfamiliar situation. I was a lot different than I normally am (except for with one house....which, of course, is my house now, and the rest is history ) What I am saying is, I learned SO much from that one weekend, and it taught me an extremely valuable lesson that has helped me all through college.

[Low C Sharp]

Is there any fall-rushing Big 10 school without a chapter that regularly COBs? Indiana really does shut out a lot of qualified women, but they don't have fall rush. All the fall-rushing schools that come to mind have one or more smaller chapters.
________

[33girl]

Originally Posted by kkgdgmom

she received several monetary humanitarian awards that she donated back to the organizations that she volunteers for...

If she's such a flipping humanitarian, she should have joined one of the lower tier (your words not ours, cowgirl) chapters and invited all her fellow Elite models to come in and turn it around. (Wait, this was a movie, wasn't it?)

[ellebud]

Ok...hijack

One thing that my daughter noticed when she was going to recruitment: At her school (notice I said HER school) the rush booklet said...casual first day, a little nicer the next etc. She said that the girls who didn't dress to impress (not expensively necessarily), who weren't (God forgive me for this) as physically fit, who weren't in the loop..got dropped fast.

I have read here that UT (?) has the girls dress in shorts the first day. That doesn't happen here, but knowing the inside information is vital. Some girls know it from the get go, some know it because of sisters/moms/cousins whatever.

What I am saying is: do all your research. Look online for previous years recruitment. You have a few minutes to make an impression.

[srmom]

BUT I'm sure I speak for several posters here when I say you've returned the favor and given us a laugh - you've hit just about every helimom cliche', from the "I hope you don't belong to MY sorority" (and if it makes you feel any better, I hope you aren't in mine!) to "ladies - and I'm using the term loosely" type insults directed to us all, even those who have only tried to offer comfort and a possible explaination.

I don't think this person is for real, for the reasons stated above, and also for the terrible grammar, misuse of words, etc. (unless she's just so upset she can't think straight). But, what tipped me off that this must be a faker is the Country Club comment - any person who truly is in a CC would not make such a stupid comment.

This is just a joke, has to be, it is just too over the top to be legitimate!! But, if it is real - then, from one mother of teenagers and young adults (so I qualify) to another - you need to seriously get a grip...

[SWTXBelle]

That thought crossed my mind, SrMom - but you just never know. Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense. Think of some of the real posters we've had here . . .