Loved Ones Agianst Sororities :(

[RareTreasure]

I am still soo confused..... I know after all of these post from you all I should not be, but its a very hard thing to do. Of course I know what i do want....and I'm going for it, but what I dont want is to loose him over something that is not a big enough deal to break up about.....



He has been talking to a lot of people in frats and sororities, and they all are telling him that their relationship with there boyfriends/girlfriends has become more distant over time. It seems as if you dont have a boyfriend that is into frats, or at least interested in them, he wont understand your lifestyle, and ultimately (in most cases) the relationship wont work. True most of the time you think?

[FlaGirl07]

Look, if you're not going to listen after 7 pages of this, don't join a sorority and go crawl back to your boyfriend. Everyone is running in circles here trying to give you advice and you're just looking for ANY excuse to validate his opinion.

My boyfriend isn't in a fraternity, but he TRUSTS ME. It's not that difficult of a concept.

[MaggieXi]

I was in a similar situation when I went through recruitment. My boyfriend went to another school and basically yelled at me or made me feel badly or guilty for wanting to join a sorority claiming that I wouldn't have time for him, I would cheat on him and that I would become a different person that he didn't think he could love...well guess what, after listening to this cr*p for a few weeks into my new member period I broke up with him. He didn't want me to try new things and he couldn't be supportive. I loved my new sisters and my organization and the school I went to and he wasn't going to make me feel bad for that. And my sorority supported me, let me be sad and grieve about the loss of a two year relationship, but also wouldn't allow me to wallow in my own sorrow.

Years later I realized how absolutely controlling he was. Not just about joining a sorority, but about what colleges he thought I should go to, what I should wear, and who I should socialize with (ie his friends were better than my friends).

Going through recruitment is your choice - not his. People here will give you the same advice over and over again. Make a decision, make a move, but be willing to deal with the fallout. And be yourself.

And just as a karma note -- I'm happily married, involved as an alum to my sorority and he is single, bald, and unemployed.

[RareTreasure]

Originally Posted by MaggieXi

Make a decision, make a move, but be willing to deal with the fallout. And be yourself.

You all in here are soo right....its like I know what you all are telling me is true....but its hard to listen and accept it. He asked me last night did I think I can be happy without a sorority and he and I being in a relationship? I said yes.....but I can be even happier if you support me in my decision. Ultimately I am going to do it.....we can yoke it out right now, because he knows how I feel...and he has until next semester to either get with the program, or I will have to do what I have to do (reguardless). Its just sad that it has to be this way......but as one person said before.....I will have support...I wont be alone going through it.....

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by FlaGirl07

Look, if you're not going to listen after 7 pages of this, don't join a sorority and go crawl back to your boyfriend. Everyone is running in circles here trying to give you advice and you're just looking for ANY excuse to validate his opinion.
My boyfriend isn't in a fraternity, but he TRUSTS ME. It's not that difficult of a concept.

Agreed!!

[Senusret I]

Why have you waited until your senior year to attempt to join?

[RareTreasure]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

Why have you waited until your senior year to attempt to join?

The chapter at my school has been suspended since I was a freshman. This is there 1st year being off.

[Senusret I]

Originally Posted by RareTreasure

The chapter at my school has been suspended since I was a freshman. This is there 1st year being off.

HBCU?

Are their any members on campus at all?

Are you legacy?

Do you have the majority of your paperwork together, such as recommendations?

[RareTreasure]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

HBCU?

Are their any members on campus at all?

Are you legacy?

Do you have the majority of your paperwork together, such as recommendations?

I am not a legacy, there are members on campus, but this year will be there last year....the last line came out my second semester in colege. I do have 2 letters of reccomendation.

Not HBCU

[FlaGirl07]

My two cents:

If I were you, I'd get off Greek Chat and go figure out how to resolve this issue face to face with your boyfriend. If a girl I was rushing unloaded all of this on me, it would be HUGE red flags. I know sororities like the particular one you're pursuing is WAYYYYY too involved with other things, respectable, and strong to want to deal with all of this drama.

What are you going to do when he won't let you go to social functions? What about community work? How about having to maintain the secrets of the organization? Is he going to be able to handle you not being able to tell him ritual secrets? What if he doesn't like the sorority colors? What if he doesn't like your sisters? It seems petty but the way you're talking about him, I wouldn't put any of these things past him.

You said he thinks you'll "change" if you join a sorority. He's RIGHT. You'll most likely CHANGE into a stronger woman, a better leader, and a more involved member of the community. Maybe, juuuust maybe you'll gain some INDEPENDENCE.

You need to take a huge step back and figure out what's more important to you:

a) Some guy you've been dating 5 years controlling your life and never letting you accomplish anything, except maybe learning how to iron his clothes in record time.

or

b) A lifetime bond with a century old organization with the potential to turn you in to a strong, level-minded, goal oriented woman that will benefit you for the rest of your life.


So, what other excuses do you have?

[ASTalumna06]

This is the last time I will post on this thread, because to continue would be pointless. You obviously are not understanding, so analyze everything that YOU have said. Forget about everyone else. Skip over everything that everyone else has typed here, and read only what you've responded with. Better yet, just read your first post:

Originally Posted by RareTreasure

What do you recommend that a person does when the one person you have bonded with for 5 years says "If you join a sorority I cant be with you"?? I've asked this questions to many, and I will tell you what they have said, and what I already know how to answer them.

I know he is afraid of me dedicating my self for a lifetime to anything other than him, he has already lost someone else in the past to something he told them wasn't going to work out, tried it any way, then it didn't work out.
I tell him constantly it will work, but he just "Knows" that me joining a sorority will cause problems in our relationship. People say......."If he loves you, he will stick by you and hold you down," but as much as he is a dedicated, loyal person, the sorority is where he draws the line. He feels that if I do become a member of a sorority, I will not be the down to earth person I am because most people change. He feels that a sorority is not a necessity, its a want....so why cant I sacrifice a want for him. I don't see it that way.
What do I do? I have been researching the Sorority since I was a senior in High School, and not I am a senior in college.....I want to do it, but I cant loose the one person that's been there for me 100% of the time. I cant count on any one but him for anything...and I may loose that. Would I be being selfish it I did it? Would I be stupid because he is a very good person to me? I've tried to talk him out of it, but it never works. I've cried, and talked and he doesn't care about any of it. He just doesn't want me to do it and he feels that it shouldn't be a hard thing to sacrifice because I'm living fine without it now.

First of all, he tells you that if you're in a sorority, he can't be with you. "If you do this, then it's over" - Unless we're talking about something seriously wrong, like doing hard drugs or joining a cult, this is the definition of selfish... and of wanting control.

He's afraid of you dedicating yourself to anything other than him. That's sad, and a clear sign that he wants you all to himself. What happens if you have children? Is he going to want you all to himself then, too?

He "draws the line" at the sorority. Why? If he's generally supportive, as you say he is, what is truly the problem behind you joining the sorority? Is it the time? Is it the friends? Is it the joining something that will change your life for the better?

He doesn't want you to change. Most likely this means that he doesn't want you to become an independent person and leave him.

He asks why you can't sacrifice one of your wants for him. Well.. why can't he sacrifice a little of his "you time" so that you can be in the sorority? Either way, you're both sacrificing wants. And you'd be giving up a whole lot more than him. It's either he gets some of you, and you get the sorority... or he gets all of you and you get none of the sorority.

You've been researching sororities for 4 years. Hm... I wonder if you should try to join?

You say that you may lose the fact that you count on him for everything. GOOD! You shouldn't count on only one person for everything. It's not healthy. You need a good balance of relationships, friendships, and family.

You've talked, and cried, and he doesn't care. I don't even have to say anything about this.

He says that you should be able to make this sacrifice because you're fine without it now. But you're not fine without it. You're begging, and crying. That means you care.. a lot. And after 4 years of research, and 4 years of wanting this, you clearly can't just give it up.

Boys come and go, but friendships (especially with sisters) last a lifetime.

The end.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

This is the last time I will post on this thread, because to continue would be pointless. . [lots of stuff] . .
The end.

It was already pointless.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

It was already pointless.

Good point

[ASTalumna06]

oh... and you have an angry face next to the title of the thread.

[violetpretty]

You are in an abusive relationship, even if it doesn't involve physical abuse. He's trying to control you.

1. Get out of the relationship. Regardless of whether you pursue sorority membership.
2. If joining a sorority is what you want, go for it.