living together before marriage: opinions?

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by nittanyalum

I see I'm going to have to change to a bulk order of these... http://www.signals.com/signals/Item_...1G_ps_srm.html

Yay, some people get it.

[ISUKappa]

Cop-out answer: It all depends.

It depends on the couple, it depends on their individual personalities and beliefs and it depends on their relationship. Obviously, that is shown by the number of anecdotes given.

I did not technically live with the husband before we were married, but I also very rarely spent a night at my place. It was a mostly a place to store my stuff and spend a few hours a day getting ready for work or hanging out.

But the illusion of not living together was important to help respect the ideals of our families. Yes, I know, our lives, whatever, but that's what worked for us.

[fantASTic]

Here's an interesting article you all might be interested in:

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpag...56C0A9679C8B63

"Bible Belt Couples 'Put Asunder' More"

It's about how Christian couples [specifically those living in the Bible Belt] are 50% more likely to get divorced than those who are less religious. It also has a bit in on it about cohabilitation before marriage.

I'm linking this specifically because a lot of people say that living together before marriage causes divorce because of 'statistics', but correlation does NOT equal causation. If cohabilitation causes divorce, so does Jesus

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by fantASTic

I'm linking this specifically because a lot of people say that living together before marriage causes divorce because of 'statistics', but correlation does NOT equal causation.

Hon, we covered that 3 pages ago.

[fantASTic]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Hon, we covered that 3 pages ago.

Obviously. But it seemed like the general consensus was that living together causes divorces, which is NOT necessarily true. Hence, the link, to show that just because two things are linked together does not make it a cause and effect.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by fantASTic

Obviously. But it seemed like the general consensus was that living together causes divorces, which is NOT necessarily true. Hence, the link, to show that just because two things are linked together does not make it a cause and effect.

No one said it "causes" divorce. At least not people who can think nonlinearly.

The statement was made that couples that cohabitate are more likely to not get married and divorce when they do get married.

The wording is extremely important because it conveys a difference between correlation, increased likelihood, and causation. Since correlation is not causation.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by fantASTic

Obviously. But it seemed like the general consensus was that living together causes divorces, which is NOT necessarily true. Hence, the link, to show that just because two things are linked together does not make it a cause and effect.

No, actually that IS NOT the consensus. Try actually reading it next time.

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I'm sure you realize this, but I have a feeling that the statistics have less to do with the actual act of moving in together, and more to do with the values, expectations, and attitudes of those who move in together.

Originally Posted by KSig RC

There are myriad problems with these studies, mostly because the correlation is about as far from the causation as you can get - and ironically, everything I've read is about the opposite of Drole's point, in that those who don't live together are also those philosophically opposed to divorce, or determined to "fight through" when others might feel a split is the best option.

However, I think Drole is exactly right in the YMMV portion - really, most opinions here are based on anecdotes, single personal experiences or remembering really good/bad things that happened to one or two people (selection bias). I don't think either solution is better than the other in general, and unfortunately I'm not sure there is a good way to tell which camp you'll be in until far after the point where you make a decision.

Personally, I think I would prefer to live with someone - I would doubt that it would occlude my desire to marry that individual because we're "practically married" and I feel like any smart scientist would prefer a test run. I'd like to know that person can handle space issues without resorting to an entirely different building, and I would prefer to get any money issues sorted out while the accounts are still split (or kids are involved), among other things. I also can't think of one good reason why couples that live together first would divorce any more than those who do not other than personal issues, at least not at the rate studies suggest - however, the studies are there, and I can completely understand why others would not, and I could also see myself adding to the statistic should things go wrong.

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Without question. I haven't seen a study that really examines "why" -- just that the bald statistic is that marriages where the couple lived together prior to marriage or more likely to end in divorce than those where the couple did not live together. Personally, I have a suspicion that KSig is right:


As to this:

the one other hypothesis I have heard is that couples who live together before marriage may carry over from the cohabitation into the marriage a feeling of "well, one of us can just move out if it gets to that." Granted, that may be very close if not connected to the personal issues you mention.

[nittanyalum]

Here are some interesting statistics (census figures published in 2004): http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/...ds/003118.html

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by nittanyalum

Here are some interesting statistics (census figures published in 2004): http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/...ds/003118.html

I'm pretty surprised at those figures.