Changing your name

[_Opi_]

I keep my last name.

He keeps his (or change it to mine if he likes).

The kids keep his name (my name is hyphinated already).

[A Random DphiE]

i plan on keeping my name even after marriage (we'll cross that bridge when we get to it though) i'm very proud of my family heritage and can bear to see it die off...

(i hate the pressure of being one of the last namesakes)

[astroAPhi]

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
I changed my name when I got married because, frankly, I'd spent my entire life at the end of the alphabet and I was sick of it! Plus, my maiden name is difficult to pronounce and my married name is easy.

If I'd thought of it, I would have probably kept my maiden name and make it my middle name, but that's not done very often where I'm from. Most of the women I know who have done that are Southerners.

Oh this is almost exactly my situation. I always said I would marry a man named Jones or Smith or something that could not be messed up! Lucky me, I found a "Wise".

My only problem is that as much as I've hated my last name, I have a very strong connection to my family and I hate to give that up. But my last name sounds HIDEOUS in front of his name. My sorority sisters call me it ALL THE TIME.. however lately they've just shortened it to Nicole Z-W.

I have no idea what I'm going to do when the time comes. I'm definitely going to take his last name because I can't stand mine, but I don't know if I should keep it on there or not. His mom kept part of her name and it came in handy when she divorced. Much less paperwork.

[adpialumcsuc]

I did end up changing my name for a couple of reasons.
First social security doesn't allow for enough letters as to fit my full name. I had to either drop my middle name or my maiden name. It was a hard decision but I dropped my maiden name because, second, I found I was having trouble handling things for my husband since people didn't believe were married. Also on both houses we have purchased the bank could never get my name right and the deed had me with his last name even though that wasn't my legal name yet.

[kappaloo]

To be honest... changing your name sounds a big pain in the butt. Forget keeping madien names for independence or professional reasons - here's to laziness.

Now, in all seriousness, my currently bf (and hopefully future husband) has a Czech last name. No one gets it right. Ever. Part of me doesn't want to subject myself to that professionally.

I considered hyphenation, but my lastname is really Italian, so it just doesn't sound right.

I figure that I'll keep my name as is, but go as Ms. hislastname informally - at teacher things and such. Aliases are common in my family so perhaps that why I don't really care. Regardless, my children will take his lastname as this seems the most logical way to do things. Children who have different last names as their father get weird questions at times, and as for hyphenating their last name - I don't want them to have to deal with that anymore than I do.

The joke is that both our last names are two syllables... I'm R_B_ and he's V_CH_ so the joke is to go as the R_CH_s. Hee hee!

[astroAPhi]

kappa,
My last name is Czech, so I definitely understand why hypenating sucks!

[PureGoldF2K1]

I would definitely take my husband's name, just because there's something so comforting about a family having the same name. Hey, even if the husband took the wife's name, it would be the same effect!!

[Munchkin03]

It strikes me as funny that so many of you all discuss this in specifics without being engaged. What's up with that? It reminds me of 13-year olds writing their names if they were married to their middle school crush.

I had drinks with an old friend last week, when I told her about my plans. She asked me his last name, then said "Munchkin Mr.Munchkin'slastname." She was like, "I won't LET you change your name!" That was seriously the first time I had ever heard the two names together, and I didn't like it. But, that was after being together for quite some time, and actually planning a wedding-like shindig/civil union.

[valkyrie]

Originally posted by Munchkin03
It strikes me as funny that so many of you all discuss this in specifics without being engaged. What's up with that? It reminds me of 13-year olds writing their names if they were married to their middle school crush.

It's because getting married is all that matters in life for a woman. All women spend most of their time after age seven thinking about changing their names and what kind of cake they'll have at the wedding. I mean, the actual relationship doesn't matter -- any guy will do -- as long as he'll get married!

[squirrely girl]

i kinda did both -

in terms of academics i kept my maiden name as middle name-ish and without a hyphen
ie - marissa _____ _____

i only do that because i'm done some psychology presentations and papers under my maiden name before i got married and it kinda sucks explaining to people that "yes, these papers and things are mine, just not in my name, blah blah blah"

but in every other aspect of my life i just go by my married name

hope that made sense

marissa

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by valkyrie
It's because getting married is all that matters in life for a woman. All women spend most of their time after age seven thinking about changing their names and what kind of cake they'll have at the wedding. I mean, the actual relationship doesn't matter -- any guy will do -- as long as he'll get married!

My wedding will be the best EVER. I'm serving pigs-in-a-blanket. Each person will get ONE and ONLY ONE. Vegetarians get a carrot stick. Just one.

[Canadian AOII]

I haven't read through the entire thread but I have to say I'm a bit of a feminist and definitely will NOT be taking my husband's last name. I personally think it reinforces the subordination of women in a patriarchal society. We've discussed it and if we get married, my boyfriend is actually likely to take my last name just b/c he isn't really that big a fan of his family name now anyway. And as a side note, in 5 years I'm changing my last name to my mom's maiden name (not a big fan of my dad, plus her side of the family has been so good to me that I want to show them a sign of absolute respect and appreciation.)

(ETA: I also refuse to be walked down the aisle by my dad, not only b/c I don't really like him, but I'm not property to be passed from one man to the next)

[aephi alum]

I don't know that I agree with changing your name being equivalent to being subordinate to your husband. As mentioned above, I did change my name, and my husband will vouch for the fact that I am not subordinate to him! I liked his name, wasn't crazy about my maiden name, and I feel that I am closer to his family than to mine, plus his name is a lot more distinctive.

As for the father walking the daughter down the aisle, I sort of agree with you there - especially the part where the officiant says "Who brings this bride to be given away?" and the bride's father says "I do." I much prefer the Jewish tradition where both the groom's parents walk him down the aisle, then both the bride's parents walk her down the aisle. The groom is leaving his parents' household, the bride is leaving her parents' household, and together they are establishing a new household.

[Intense1920]

I don't think that taking your husband's name equivalates to a woman being a man's subordinate. Let him take her name, shoot let them come up with their own name whatever makes them happy. I will have my father walk me down the aisle. I am a lot closer to my father than my mother anyway. I'm not too fond of the father "giving" away his daughter scenario but I found some solutions that I like.
The celebrant: Who gives this woman to be married to this man? The bride’s father responds: She gives herself, with the blessing of her mother and father.
Or instead of the word "gives" insert "brings" and the father could respond "her family does".
There are a lot of options..

[cuaphi]

Originally posted by Intense1920
I will have my father walk me down the aisle. I am a lot closer to my father than my mother anyway. I'm not too fond of the father "giving" away his daughter scenario but I found some solutions that I like.
The celebrant: Who gives this woman to be married to this man? The bride’s father responds: She gives herself, with the blessing of her mother and father.
Or instead of the word "gives" insert "brings" and the father could respond "her family does".
There are a lot of options..

OH! I like that a lot. The tradition of a father giving away his daughter seems kind of outdated since most people live away from home and establish their own lives before marriage now. That being said, I still want my daddy to walk me down the aisle cause it's sweet. That wording is perfect.