CherrySonata Fall Recruitment 2010

[AnsleyCooper]

Ahhhh I can't wait!! Please hurry!

[CherrySonata]

I'm sorry I'm making you wait! I'm trying to type it up between things.



When I woke up in the morning, I was feeling really nervous. I now wanted a callback to Topaz House very badly. At the morning meeting my RC calls me out last, so I'm waiting for so long, agonizing about whether I will get a callback to the houses I like...

My RC finally calls me and I see her holding one calling card. I prepare myself for an unpleasant schedule but cross my fingers that it is Topaz House-- I had had really good conversations there yesterday and somebody I talked to at Set 1 had stopped and said that they were happy to see that I was back.

I look down at my schedule and see:

Obsidian House

I took a deep breath and told my RC that I was going to stick it out and give them a chance. I'm thinking, 'I had an OK time there yesterday, and they did want me back after all. Maybe they can see me in their house, and they would know better than me.'

I head over to the party, having some mixed feelings. By now I'm not completely heartbroken about losing all of my other houses, and Obsidian House was one of the houses I had consistently liked, more or less. The house tour is nice, and the girl who was showing me the house was very nice, so I was really enjoying our conversation. When I got passed off to the girl who took me to the skit, I also had a great conversation with her.

The party ended soon after that, and I left not sure how I felt because I enjoyed myself again but it seemed like every house wanted to drop me. I talked to my RC and told her that I was pretty sure they'd drop me. She told me that she thought I should rank them anyway and so I did.

When I went home, I had enough time to be sad about losing Topaz House again, and even Tourmaline House, which I had felt ambivalent toward but had enjoyed it a bit and had been interested in finding out more about. I felt like all my favorite houses were being taken away from me slowly, but Obsidian House was a house I had enjoyed, and so I'd stick it out and try to be positive about it. It wasn't like I didn't get along with the girls, after all. Maybe I'd do better than I thought at Obsidian.

By the time I went to bed that night I decided that I'd pref at Obsidian House happily, and crossed my fingers.

[CherrySonata]

The next morning I slept in, since Pref was later in the day. Last year, I'd received a phone call pretty early, before 8. It was now 9 and I hadn't gotten a phone call. Alright, I'd be preffing at Obsidian... I was really happy about it.

At 9.30, my phone rang. I looked and saw that it was my RC.

I knew what was coming, because this had happened to me a year before. I was released from recruitment, and told that I should do my best to get involved in other ways.

I tried not to be too upset by it since it had happened to me once before. Still, I had hoped for a little while that I might have a chance to pref...

Later that day it really sunk in. What!? I seriously got dropped by ALL the houses for 2 years in a row? What in the world was wrong with me that NOBODY wanted me?? Especially after working so hard on getting my grades up, getting recs, practicing conversations... How could the houses not see that I'd be a great sister!?

To distract me, I talked to my family, and met up with my sister for lunch. I had a good day. I talked to my RC and she hinted that she would like me to go through it again next year, but I just wasn't sure if I would at that point. I had already been through twice, with virtually identical results both times, so I was seriously doubtful that I would make it in if I tried a third time. I had improved almost all of the ways I could, and the only thing I could do was make friends with a lot of sorority women (and I didn't want to try to be friends with girls just so I could have an 'in' with their organization). The only factor I could really think of was that my class standing was non-freshman, and if I waited another year I surely wouldn't be any closer to Freshman.





After classes started, I decided that this wouldn't happen again. Last year when I got released, I became obsessed with trying again, and wanted the girls to want me. This year I wasn't going to put myself through that again. I'd make friends on my own; I didn't need a sorority to feel good about myself. Maybe I wouldn't have thought this if I hadn't been able to look at my situation rationally, but once I got my 'mourning' out of my system I realized that it was stupid of me to think that if I wasn't in a sorority I wasn't a good person. I also had realized by this point that I was going through recruitment for the wrong reasons, something I hadn't wanted to admit to myself earlier but that I now found was the plain, hard truth. I was looking for validation from a sorority, and I was so obsessed with joining one that I felt like I would be insufficient without one. In the end I was actually OK about how things turned out, although I was a little bit sad that something I had wanted so badly hadn't worked out.

Still, when it came down to it, the things I hoped most to get out of joining a sorority were friendships. And there were other ways to find those on a campus as large as mine.

I joined 2 clubs, and I found out about Carnelian House, a non-Panhellenic Greek organization that was service-based instead of social-based. Their membership intake process was much less difficult than the Panhellenic groups. I pledged and loved it.

I realized that being involved was what I had been missing. I didn't need a Panhellenic sorority to validate me. My problem had been that I wasn't involved in much; and sitting at home gives you time to feel sorry for yourself. I was making a lot of friends in Carnelian House and truly falling in love with the organization. I was very busy with classes and clubs, and the hours I spent volunteering. I felt happy and for the first time, like nothing was missing.

[AnsleyCooper]

What is the name of the carnelian house?

[CherrySonata]

So even though I didn't get into a house, I ended up having a good Fall semester anyway. I'd made friends, I felt more involved, and I felt less shy. Spring semester started and suddenly I had an e-mail regarding this year's Panhellenic information session. I remembered how bad my experience with recruitment had been, and wasn't going to go, when a friend from Carnelian House texted me, asking if I would go with her because she was interested but was too nervous to go alone. So it was with some trepidation that I decided I would go. By this time, I had fallen entirely in love with Carnelian House and more or less given up on Panhellenic sororities. Whether or not they had wanted me, it hadn't worked out or there hadn't been room for me or I hadn't found a place there or any of a number of possibilities, and I had decided to focus on what I had instead of what I didn't have.

When I got to the session with my friend, we signed in and visited the booths. I enjoyed myself looking at all of the houses again; it reminded me of recruitment. However, that hadn't worked out so well for me, so I left without much expectation. Hopefully my friend had gotten some good information, though.

A few days later I found an e-mail in my inbox from Obsidian House, inviting me to participate in informal spring recruitment.

I had a number of conflicting emotions then. I'd almost preffed at Obsidian House and had wanted to get a bid there. If they were inviting me to participate, than maybe... just maybe... I could have a chance to get what I hadn't gotten before.
But another part of me thought it might be stupid to go along. I'd already tried twice and hadn't succeeded. Surely I was setting myself up for failure again.

But I hadn't ever gotten to pref at Obsidian, and the part of me that wanted to give it a chance ended up outweighing the part of me that thought it was a bad idea. I signed up to go.


The informal recruitment process was worlds different from formal recruitment. There were only 3 events, and we were invited to all of them, no cuts in between. The first night we went out bowling with some of the actives, and it was way better than Set 1. Instead of being crammed into a room screaming over the noise of other girls, we talked while doing things. I'd felt mostly natural and myself at Obsidian House's parties anyway, but this was still way better. I had the most natural conversation, and since we were doing things instead of awkwardly staring at each other, I think it was a lot better. The whole thing felt natural, like hanging out with friends, rather than some weird awkward interview.

The second night was evening socializing at the house with snacks. I met some new actives and enjoyed myself again; even if this was a little more like recruitment had been, it was still a bit more low-key than I expected, so I was able to relax and enjoy myself.

Tuesday was the last day, and it was lunch at the house. I stopped by, feeling super awkward, between class. I was just supposed to walk up, and stand here, and ring the doorbell? I'm supposed to go in here and just take food and go there and eat it? I felt a little weird but not totally out of place; the girls I talked to were ones I had met on the previous events, and I enjoyed myself.

9.45 Wednesday night I got a call saying that they had a bid for me if I wanted to accept it. Why yes, yes I would.



Nothing made sense to me right then. What had I done differently? I couldn't tell why they wanted me now, and not before. I might have felt like I got along with the girls in the house, but I wasn't completely sure. However, I had finally gotten a bid, and to one of the houses I loved. I was so happy; now I had Carnelian House and Obsidian House and I was so happy! I went through the new member period trying to see if I really fit in, if I really could see myself as a lifelong member of this organization. And I was so happy to realize I did. While spring semester happened, I fell in love with the girls in the house, and now that I've been initiated and my journey through recruitment is finally over, I'm so proud to call myself a sister of

























Delta Delta Delta!

Phi Beta Chapter

At the University of Arizona!




I'm still very glad that I joined Carnelian House, and I wouldn't give it up for the world. If you haven't yet guessed, as a member of Carnelian House I'm very proud to be a brother of





Alpha Phi Omega!

(Theta Iota)




I might be done with recruitment, at least on 'that' side, but I've got a few semesters left at college, and a lifetime of membership to look forward to. It took me a long time, but I finally got a happy ending... And I truly couldn't be happier

[victoriana]

Aww! I'm so happy that you finally got your happy ending. Congratulations to you, Tri-Delt, and APO

[CherrySonata]

Looking back now, I am embarrassed about my experience in some ways more than others. For instance, I allowed tent talk to influence my opinions, which is probably the biggest mistake I made. I don't just mean that I listened to someone badmouthing one of the houses; I heard girls discussing which chapters they preferred and which ones they disliked, and I subconsciously began altering my opinions of the houses based on that. I started wanting some of the chapters more than I had previously, and feeling negative about some of the houses I truly enjoyed. I didn't add too many details because I didn't want to out the chapters, but there were more than one that I probably would have enjoyed more if I hadn't let myself be influenced. If you're a PNM, don't listen to what other people have to say about chapters. Even if you already know girls in the chapters, go in with an open mind. If you try to find the best home for yourself, you might be surprised at where you fit in.

Did I have a few favorite houses? I certainly did. Everybody does. But I realized that I had favorites for fairly superficial reasons and so if I was going to go through again, I would only be benefitted by having an open mind. I knew going through the second time that I 'should' have an open mind, but I didn't really get it. I still thought I wouldn't like some houses more than others. But it comes down to the fact that I would find friends in any of the houses, really. With houses of 100+ members, there is bound to be SOMEBODY in there you will 'click' with.


The first time I went through rush I was 100% clueless about just about... everything. I actually am the first to 'go Greek' in my family, excepting my dad, who was a new pledge in a fraternity for a whole 6 days. Anyway, my first recruitment was a disaster, or at least, it did not go so well. Curious as to why, I started doing some research, and found Greekchat. Once I decided I wanted to re-rush, this forum was indispensable. I was able to find out just about everything I needed to know to be well-prepared and well-educated. I did my homework, I got as many recs as I could for someone with no greeks in my family OR larger community (thank god for Alumnae Associations!), and I got in contact with a member of GC who helped me out a bit. By the time recruitment came up, I felt very prepared, and much more so than last year.

Basically, I know that there is some debate even on GC about how girls log on here and expect all the work to 'be done for them,' but I have to say that personally-- I was willing to do work to prepare, I just had no idea where to go or what to do-- and GC really helped outline my path for me. So, I have to give a heartfelt thanks to everybody who contributes here on GC-- more people have helped me than could possibly know, even by providing information in years past that I was able to use. I would also like to thank in particular, AXOrushadvisor, Benzgirl, and AzTheta for their particular help and correspondence. And basically a huge thank-you note to GC in general for helping to make my rush successful, even if you didn't know it.


Going through recruitment, I discovered that the gossip, reputations, and tent talk were more often than not stereotypes with little foundations. I know that it is fairly obvious, but I guess I was too naïve to realize that not clicking with 1 or 2 girls doesn't mean you can't find a spot in their house. Somehow I didn't realize that with chapters as large as they are on my campus, every group is really diverse! And that it is hard to judge one house based on two or three ten-minute conversations... I thought that one house seemed to be full of 'partiers' because of one girl I talked to, who mentioned that 'drinking isn't a big deal because everybody pretty much does it.' I have since realized that it is impossible for a whole house to be full of the exact same kinds of people.


To any possible PNM readers: The first time I went through Rush, I received 4 invites the first day of callbacks, to Peridot House, Obsidian House, Topaz House, and Ruby House. The second time through, I received all of these invites again, with Tourmaline House instead of Ruby House. I thought I had improved myself significantly because of my grades, and because I received recs my second time through, but it didn't make that much difference. One of my big problems, as a poster on the previous page mentioned, was that I simply wasn't a freshman. That's not saying non-freshmen can't get bids at all-- I did, eventually-- but the type of girl I was wouldn't typically receive bids. Shy, bookish, not memorable unless you get to know her... Even thinking I had practiced conversations, I think what hurt me even more than class standing was my personality. If you're naturally shy, you really have to work hard to be comfortable in social situations, or you might not be memorable enough for chapters to call you back.

It is really sad to feel like nobody wants you, and maybe I was discriminated against because of my class standing, but I know there's a lot more to it than that. If you get dropped from all of your houses, think about why you wanted to join a sorority in the first place. If it was just to wear letters, then you were in it for the wrong reason. If you just want to make more friends and come out of your shell a bit, try getting involved in other ways. Even if its "not the same," getting involved on campus is very important. You will also be able to feel more comfortable in your skin the more social situations you put yourself in. And you never know what might happen in the future; I got a bid to my chapter after I'd given up on joining a sorority. Don't put yourself through what I went through. Getting dropped from every house can make you feel worthless, but you're not. Find other ways to be involved, and do other things that are important to you.

And join APO

[carnation]

Good post summing up the whole thread! Congratulations!

To women who are re-rushing: I know several women who were cut by their remaining sorority before prefs and then they received a bid from that very group later that year in informal recruitment. They'll probably never know why it happened but it was likely due to the craziness of rush and once they experienced recruitment on the other side, they understood how it could've happened.

So if formal recruitment doesn't work out for you, try informal!

[wavycutchip]

Congratulations to you, Delta Delta Delta, and Alpha Phi Omega! You are such a courageous woman to go through recruitment 3 times, but I am so happy that it worked out for you and for your groups.

[FSUZeta]

yay, cherrysonata!!

[IrishLake]

Wonderful story! Congratulations you your and both of your sisterhoods!

[HQWest]

Wonderful story. Great example of how just because your recruitment wasn't perfect doesn't mean the outcome won't turn out. DDD is lucky to have you.

[Tulip86]

Congratulations! Great story