Pregnant Prospective Members?

[XOMichelle]

So there is a lot to recruitment that has to do with image, and that I will agree to. But deep down I still believe that my sorority is about sisterhood and living up to our ideals of being "democratic rather than exlcusive, and loveable rather than popular." To hear y'all go off on how a 20 year old and a 27 year old with children (or the other way around), shouldn't be friends, or should not be interested in fufilling those goals of sisterhood and ideals, well, THAT'S what looks bad to me. Living your life by the rule of the rumor is no way to live. If you are in a place where a pregnant woman would "ruin" your chapter, you should be asking yourself why this is, not how do we get rid of people who din't fit our notion of "appropriate". Also, people SHOULD have lives outside their sorority... if they don't our organizations are not doing their job.

[greencat]

Originally posted by XOMichelle
So there is a lot to recruitment that has to do with image, and that I will agree to. But deep down I still believe that my sorority is about sisterhood and living up to our ideals of being "democratic rather than exlcusive, and loveable rather than popular." To hear y'all go off on how a 20 year old and a 27 year old with children (or the other way around), shouldn't be friends, or should not be interested in fufilling those goals of sisterhood and ideals, well, THAT'S what looks bad to me. Living your life by the rule of the rumor is no way to live. If you are in a place where a pregnant woman would "ruin" your chapter, you should be asking yourself why this is, not how do we get rid of people who din't fit our notion of "appropriate". Also, people SHOULD have lives outside their sorority... if they don't our organizations are not doing their job.

shoot, I'd love to know where you go to school, where people don't judge other people, and the reputation of the sororities means nothing to potential new members.

and a 27 year old who spends all her time hanging out with 19 year olds is a problem.

[33girl]

What you seem to be not realizing is "reputation" is different things different places.

And I'd like to know where YOU go to school where 16 year olds are pledging sororities.

[ThetaPrincess24]

Originally posted by kddani
I guess maybe I don't get it. And i'm from a liberal northern school!
What priorities should be:

#1- THE CHILD. Children ain't easy, they require a lot of time, money, love, and nuturing.
#2- School. That's what you're there for.
#3- whatever else, i.e. sororities, clubs, etc

Sororities require A LOT of time (and money), no matter what area of the country you're in. Children require a lot of time (from their parents, NOT babysitters). School requires a lot of time.

Maybe it's just me, but as a parent I'm going to want to spend a lot of time with my kid.

I don't understand why someone would WANT to be involved in ANY ACTIVITY that would require them to spend so much time away from their child.

Yes, it's great to make friendships and stuff. But many of our parents weren't in sororities (or didn't even go to college!), and they have friends- they make them through playgroups, etc.

Guess i'm just from the school of though that children should be the number one priority in your life if you choose to have them...

I absolutely agree!

[Measi]

Perhaps it can be simplified as a young mother simply feeling the need to belong.

I mean, let's face it-- those who are non-Greek, yet also have positive opinions of Greek life usually see fraternities and sororities as tight-knit family groups on campus (our internal frustrations aside at times). I was intimidated as heck by the NPC sororities on my campus, yet wanted to be part of one. I decided instead to join TBS as a freshman because the size of the NPC's was a bit too large for my extremely shy, backwater Montana girl self to handle in the middle of Boston.

Being 29 and seeing several of my friends going through marriage and first children in the past couple years... it's amazing how many women, despite having a loving husband and young child... and even close friends, just feel like they're ALONE. Perhaps the desire to connect to a sorority is just a basic need to feel like she is part of a sisterhood of women and to reconnect with life outside of the needs of her child.

And really... there isn't a lot out there for women that are older than 22/23 but younger than mid-30ies as far as organizations to connect to... I have been looking. Part of it is simply our generation, I think-- not as many women want to join post-graduate groups. But for those who do, the options are a bit limiting.

~ Mel.

[Bama_Alumna]

there isn't a lot out there for women that are older than 22/23 but younger than mid-30ies as far as organizations to connect to... I have been looking.

There are TONS of volunteer organizations out there. What about Junior League? Or working with groups like Big Brothers/Big Sisters, Girl Scouts, the Humane Society? You could join a book club or volunteer for the local library. There are church groups for all ages in all denominations.

If you are still in school, there are over 200 student organizations on the UA campus and less than 50 of those are social GLOs. I think most schools are like this in that they have a wide variety of student organizations. There are plenty of good organizations to get involved in if you are willing to put forth the effort and seek them out.

[Measi]

Originally posted by Bama_Alumna
There are TONS of volunteer organizations out there. What about Junior League? Or working with groups like Big Brothers/Big Sisters, Girl Scouts, the Humane Society? You could join a book club or volunteer for the local library. There are church groups for all ages in all denominations.

If you are still in school, there are over 200 student organizations on the UA campus and less than 50 of those are social GLOs. I think most schools are like this in that they have a wide variety of student organizations. There are plenty of good organizations to get involved in if you are willing to put forth the effort and seek them out.

I cannot join any groups that relate to a church or Scouts, unfortunately, due to my faith. I know there is fantastic community there for those it applies to. And no, I'm not still in school-- I graduated 7 years ago.

There is no Junior League in my area, unfortunately... or I would probably join it (my mother was part of the local one in the town I grew up in... but that's over 2,000 miles away). I have offered to volunteer at the local library, but they are not looking for volunteers right now. I'm on their "call list". I do belong to a book club via the library, but it's a once-per-month for an hour only, and all of the members are at least ten years older than me-- which I don't mind, but I don't feel like I can connect to any of them beyond my love of reading.

Our Humane Society only accepts volunteers that are available between XYZ hours-- all of which are ones that I am at a full-time job.

Opportunities are difficult to find, depending on where you are.

~ Mel.

[XOMichelle]

Originally posted by greencat
shoot, I'd love to know where you go to school, where people don't judge other people, and the reputation of the sororities means nothing to potential new members.

and a 27 year old who spends all her time hanging out with 19 year olds is a problem.

I went to Stanford, like I said in one of my previous posts in this thread.

I mean, it's not like these things couldn't be debated. I'm sure it would be a hot issue if a girl did come though rush who had a child. Of course, I would be the first to say to give her a chance. The reputations of sororities matter, but not in the same way that has been described on this board (having a girl who got married or was preganant wouldn't "destroy" a chapter, although I am sure everyone would know. The chapter would likely use it as a way to describe their positive diversity.). However, I've had the opportunity to be close to a few people with non-traditonal lives, and have found out that my narrow notion on how to live life is, well, narrow.

In my experience, I've seen the youngest member of my sorority (just turned 17... that's skipping grades for you) get along with my 32 year old boyfriend. I'm 23, and had a wonderful time with one of my boyfriend's best friends (45) and his two children (10 and 17), along with his childhood friends (30 as well). Not to say that it wasn't awkward to meet my boyfriend's friend and realize he had a daughter 3 years younger than me, but with a little effort, I realized I could be friends with people of varying ages. From hanging out my boyfriend and his friends, with sisters who graduated in 1999, to being friends with people who were born 6 years after I was. It doesn't work with everybody (some people are way to hung up about stuff like this), but it's not unusual, or impossible.

[mommag2]

Originally posted by greencat
shoot, I'd love to know where you go to school, where people don't judge other people, and the reputation of the sororities means nothing to potential new members.

and a 27 year old who spends all her time hanging out with 19 year olds is a problem.

I'm both a mom and a female in her 30's and I see nothing wrong with hanging out with my sisters that are 18-25. Let me tell you my sisters are more mature than some 30-40yr olds that I know. I have much respect for the women in my chapter and I know that they have much respect for me not only as a sister but also as a person and a mom.

I'm sure that my chapter does get gossiped about, (especially since I'm the girl that had her baby in her dorm room alone and didn't know she was pregnant.....long story pm me if you want to know), but we either don't hear it or we just don't pay it any mind and go on with our lives and business. Why let someone else pull your org down with gossip and if you have that much time to spend worrying about what others say about your org then you my dear have way to much time on your hands.

PEOPLE WIIL TALK NO MATTER WHAT TYPE OF PEOPLE YOUHAVE IN YOUR ORG, GO ON WITH LIFE AND LET THEM TALK.

[valkyrie]

Come on guys! Gossip is all that matters. I always make all of my life decisions based on whether other people will talk about me.

[greencat]

mommag2, you're right. people are going to talk, and if it doesn't matter to the chapter, or the person, then who cares? could defintely take a lesson from XOMichelle's 17 year old sister.

personally, though I still would raise a fuss if it was about a pnm, and I would question her time committment and intentions.

[texasgrl]

Originally posted by greencat
shoot, I'd love to know where you go to school, where people don't judge other people, and the reputation of the sororities means nothing to potential new members.

and a 27 year old who spends all her time hanging out with 19 year olds is a problem.

Well, I forgot to mention that this 27 year old was single, no kids, and spent the first years after high school working. She said she was burned out and wanted to wait before college. Since she she was still single and no kids, she had LOTS of time to dedicate to the sorority. I spoke to her yesterday and she told me that there were 3 other girls who were past the "ideal" sorority years besides her. These three were younger than her and the campus GLOs were very competitive.

She says she was nothing but honest with all sororities during recruitment and still managed to get bids to 2 or 3 "top" houses. It probably helped that she looked very young, according to her sisters, closer to 19 than 26.

I know this lady has friends that range in age from 20 to 75, male/female. All her friends have nothing but good things to say about her. In my opnion, anyone who can get along with that wide age range of people should have NO PROBLEM getting along in a sorority.

BTW, she is now married and in Junior League.

[nyrdrms]

I also don't see the problem with the age difference....I was 17 when I pledged and there was a 27 year old in my pledge class. It didn't make a difference to us. And it shouldn't.

My biological sister is 7 years older than I am and we hang out together and have a great time. There's nothing wrong with that. Why should it be any different for people who aren't biologically related?

When I was a collegian, I used to attend some of the alumnae get togethers with women who were in their late 20s and early 30s and could actually carry on conversations with them easier than with some of the other collegiate members who were closer to my age.

There just comes a point when age is no longer a factor in friendships. Usually that tends to be sometime around high school graduation when you realize that you are capable of having friends who you once thought were "old." I still hang out with the collegiate members, some of whom are 5 years younger than I am, and I hang out with the alumnae, some of whom are at least 10 years older than me. I also hang out with my sister and her friends and even my mother (Heaven forbid) and her friends. Age shouldn't make a difference and there is nothing wrong with someone who chooses to associate with people who are more than three years their junior or senior.

[texasgrl]

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
I think you did a great job of summing up this entire thread in a nutshell, texasgrl!

Thank You for your kind compliment KillarneyRose!!

[AOIIsilver]

I have read both of the threads about being married or being pregnant as a PNM; and as someone who studies higher education, I want to point out a few concepts about higher education and GLO's....

First, higher education student populations are changing. Numerous studies have indicated that student populations are aging and that more and more "non-traditional" students are attending higher education. These "non-traditional" students include those students who are not only of non-traditional age but also the students who carry non-traditional responsibilities such as family and work responsibilities.

Second, higher education institutions vary in their campus climate and culture. Because of their campus climate and culture, some schools will perhaps not have as substantial increases in non-traditional students, namely highly selective 4-year liberal arts or some Research 1 universities, as others, such as community colleges and comprehensive universities.

Third, higher education itself is changing. Advances in technology coupled with the efforts to make classrooms and universities more student-centered are changing the contructs of higher education. Numerous students are accessing higher education in different ways and through different media than the traditional residential 8am-2pm campus.

Fourth, as is continually mentioned on these boards, commitment to a GLO is a lifetime commitment. The other side of that commitment coin is the GLO's responsibility to its members. That responsibility entails supporting men and women throughout their lifecycle, including growing older, getting married/having a partner (if he/she so chooses), and having children (if he/she so chooses).

Taken together, higher education students are changing, and higher education students are changing on many campuses. If GLO's wish to survive on some campuses in these times of academic/student diversification, then perhaps they had also better consider the needs of the various PNMs who will be coming to the institutions.

My academic 2 cents....
Silver