how long do you wait? - Page 5

James · #61 01-10-2004, 01:52 PM

In fact the more i think about the more that makes sense. Ok you are not a virgin and have decided to make the guy wait to "prove" something.

Fair enough. But lets say he adores you but still wnts sexual gratification. Something you are unwilling to give him. He should be allowed to have sex with other women without any repurcussions.

Think about it. As long as its casual sex, he will still be around for you, fulfill your emotional needs while she fulfills his physical needs . . at least until you have decided he has "proved" whatever. Then when you fulfill his physical needs he can stop having casual sex with others.

I think thats pretty win win don't you?

sororitygirl2 · #62 01-10-2004, 02:00 PM

But, I don't wait to play games or "prove something," I just place different value on the act than some do. If I have sex with a guy, I want to be having sex with him for a long time, I don't want it to be a situation where it happens once, and I never see him again, or we break up a week later.

So, no, sleeping around while he's waiting would NOT be okay with me, because that would negate all the meaning that the act is supposed to have in my head. I want it to mean something to him too.

I know, I know - I am a total girl sometimes, and way too idealistic... but it works for me.

pirepresent · #63 01-10-2004, 02:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
In fact the more i think about the more that makes sense. Ok you are not a virgin and have decided to make the guy wait to "prove" something.

Fair enough. But lets say he adores you but still wnts sexual gratification. Something you are unwilling to give him. He should be allowed to have sex with other women without any repurcussions.

Think about it. As long as its casual sex, he will still be around for you, fulfill your emotional needs while she fulfills his physical needs . . at least until you have decided he has "proved" whatever. Then when you fulfill his physical needs he can stop having casual sex with others.

I think thats pretty win win don't you?

I haven't read through the entire thread, so I'm sorry if I take this a little out of context or repeat what someone else already said... but I think women who want to wait are only trying to prove to themselves that the person they want to be with can be trusted. The situation above is totally lose/lose (or win for the guy, lose for the girl, if the guy only cares about sex, which any guy who would do that probably does). There is so much more to a relationship then having sex and if one party can't bear to wait until the other party feels comfortable, then they're only proving that they can't be trusted.

And honestly, if a guy I'm dating is that much of an animal that he cannot control his sexual and physical needs (to the point where he has to have sex outside the relationship just because I won't) while we're learning about each other, then I wouldn't want to date him. We're human beings, NOT rabbits. Control yourself, for heavens sake.

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #64 01-10-2004, 04:49 PM

very well said, pirepresent.

JohnsDGsweethrt · #65 01-10-2004, 05:44 PM

Well I basically had sex with my husband like twice before we were married and that was like a month before we got married. Of course, he wanted to sooner but I didn't feel comfortable with the risk of pregnancy. And now I'm so glad we waited b/c I got pregnant taking Depo and that means that there is like less than a 1% chance of getting pregnant! LOL Apparently we are pretty furtile so I'm glad we waited!

starang21 · #66 01-13-2004, 11:50 PM

depends on the girl..sometimes a few weeks, sometimes a few days, sometimes a few months.

amazinglagirl · #67 01-17-2004, 07:28 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ThetaPrincess24
I like to wait a few months. This is because I like to really get to know the person first.........and I dont think that can be done after the first date, second date, or even after the tenth date.......takes time. I've found that those relationships where I wait longer usually last longer.

I thought a lot about this quote...thetaprincess probably didn't mean to be so profound *smile*, but maybe it says a lot about why the statistics show that those who wait until marriage to have sex are twice as likely to stay married. I'm not commenting on the "right" or "wrong" of it...but it is just an interesting observation to consider...that maybe knowing someone REALLY well before sharing this experience is not such a bad idea.

Am I the only one who is caught off guard by people thinking a month is an incredibly short amount of time to "wait"?

Munchkin03 · #68 01-17-2004, 11:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by amazinglagirl
...the statistics show that those who wait until marriage to have sex are twice as likely to stay married. I'm not commenting on the "right" or "wrong" of it...but it is just an interesting observation to consider...that maybe knowing someone REALLY well before sharing this experience is not such a bad idea.

Did you ever hear that 85% of statistics are made up on the spot?

Anyway...the connection between premarital sex and marriage survival is a correlation, not a causal relationship. Basically, those who wait are typically more conservative and less likely to consider divorce as an option...those who don't are possibly more likely to be okay with divorce--hence the connection.

I know this isn't true with everyone, so please. No nit-picking.

amazinglagirl · #69 01-18-2004, 04:05 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Munchkin03
Basically, those who wait are typically more conservative...

Yeah...I was thinking about that too. Maybe the original question about how long you "should" wait depends on what you are looking for. As we can see from some of the guys' posts (and some of the girls too....don't want to stereotype)...for some it is just about how soon is it okay to orgasm with a new girl/guy. And for some the meaning behind the act indicates a more permanent intimacy or desire.

So really the answer of "how long to wait" laregly depends on what you want from it. IMO, the guy is not likely to get MORE serious about you because you give him sex in the first month. As some of these guys pointed out, he might get less interested in putting any effort into the relationship if you DON'T have sex as soon as he wants it, but then I think you would pretty much have your answer about what he's looking for. And if that's cool with you, then go for it. But it's pretty important that you're both on the same page about what sex means to you and to the relationship.

For the guys who have a g/f (or are just dating a girl) and don't understand why she wants to wait...it is time to clue in a little to your girl. The girls who choose to wait longer generally do that because the act of having sex is not a casual one to her...and she probably knows that it will mean more to HER than it does to YOU. (And so then you should really be thankful that those girls DON'T do it or else you would have a hysterical stalker ex-girlfriend on your hands when you stomp on her heart by announcing that you're ready to move on the the next girl. LOL)

To these girls where sex is more than just a weekend pasttime (whether it is or not to you), the argument that she should "let" her b/f have casual sex with others if she is not putting out is totally ridiculous. I mean, if she doesn't look at sex as something casual and holds it to be something INTIMATE,....then why would she be okay with her b/f sharing that intimacy with someone else???

The issue to me is not so much in morality as it is in considering the perspective of your significant other and what it is you are looking for. And if you don't see eye to eye on it...you probably just aren't a good match. No need to make her feel guilty or belittled for having different thoughts about the meaning of the act.

alikat2 · #70 01-21-2004, 09:06 PM

I'm 23 and still a virgin. I'm not necessarily waiting for marriage, but I want to make sure I'm really in love with the guy I do it with before we do it. I don't want to sleep with him and then break up a few weeks later.

I really think it's different for everyone, though. I'm not going to judge people who are more "sexually liberated."

FAUNikki · #71 01-23-2004, 06:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AGDee
If men were the ones to get pregnant, then how long would they wait?

Great POint! My first time I waited a year, but then again I was in HS and all. My current boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and 1/2 years and it happened after about 1 month of being together.

James · #72 01-23-2004, 10:50 PM

If men got pregnant we still wouldn't wait. Also, birth control would be everywhere, and abortion clinics would have cocktail waitresses walking around in mini skirts calling: Beer, wine, demerol . . . .?

Xylochick216 · #73 01-26-2004, 04:44 PM

My fiance and I have been dating for almost 7 years and have waited. Based on what I see in all of my friends' relationships, I think our decision to wait has helped. We know each other well and don't want to get together just to have sex. While I have no problem with other people having sex, I think that waiting allows two people to get to know each other on another whole level.

sugar and spice · #74 01-26-2004, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
If men got pregnant we still wouldn't wait. Also, birth control would be everywhere, and abortion clinics would have cocktail waitresses walking around in mini skirts calling: Beer, wine, demerol . . . .?

SO TRUE!

GeekyPenguin · #75 01-26-2004, 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
Well, as my wise grandmother always said, "Good girls go to Heaven and bad girls go to Tiffany and leave with little velvet ring boxes."*

*Actually, I'm making that up. My grandmother is probably rolling in her grave right now.

You are on fire this week!

I really have no set time. It's not like I have a whole lot of experience.