Texas A&M Recruitment...as a junior?

[DubaiSis]

TexasMom, don't sweat it. This thread has just touched a lot of nerves, and I know that's not what you said. The key point to take away, and I think you did, is that your daughter never CUT a single house. She ranked them lower and expected them to be gone. And although we hate for any PNM to not give a house a chance, the fact is that there are times for a girl to decide on one (or two) or nothing. We just hope and reiterate ad nauseam that on some campuses "or nothing" can really mean no house, no Greek life, no 50 year pin, etc. And maybe taking that last choice house wouldn't be so terrible after all, particularly in light of what you get for the rest of your life.

I'm glad it worked out for your daughter, and I'm sorry she had to make a difficult decision when her expectation was to have 3 houses on her preference card, any of which she'd be happy to take. The reality is not that many girls have the perfect rush and end that way. Thankfully in her case it was just a few minutes of stress, and not having to decide whether to take the house she was offered or not.

[Texasmom15]

Thanks DubaiSis

You are correct, I did take away the "ranking" versus "cutting" information which helps in understanding the process. My daughter is very happy - already attending chapter events with her new sisters and thrilled that she not only ended up on a house but that she met so many great friends during the recruitment process (from every house).

As a mom, I am glad to know that none of the chapters are torturing puppies or eating raw sheep eyeballs......kinda funny now that I read that line again. I won't sweat it and again, thanks for the info.

[LadyLonghorn]

Originally Posted by Texasmom15

Let me state again that I am very new to Greek Life and have a lot to learn. I think you are correct that it would help for the PNM's to be reminded that they are "ranking" chapters rather than "cutting" them. PNM's are frequently reminded during the recruitment process that this is a "mutual selection" process, so that also lends to them believing they are "cutting" rather than "ranking". Some are surprised that a chapter they "ranked" toward the bottom of their list never actually leave their dance card.

This is a great forum for those of us that are learning......that said, I want to reiterate that my daughter did not find any chapters "repugnant", but rather out of 12 houses, she found one that she was not a good fit for. Why is this so surprising, are the PNM's expected to fit everywhere? I stated that she thought the girls were very nice and did a good job making her feel welcome, but they were involved in activities different than what my daughter was looking for.....from there one of the posters jumped to stating that she found this house "repugnant" and that as far as she knew "none of the chapters at TAMU were into torturing puppies or eating raw sheep eyeballs".....WOW that is a huge jump from "they were really nice but I didn't fit".

Originally Posted by Texasmom15

Thanks DubaiSis

You are correct, I did take away the "ranking" versus "cutting" information which helps in understanding the process. My daughter is very happy - already attending chapter events with her new sisters and thrilled that she not only ended up on a house but that she met so many great friends during the recruitment process (from every house).

As a mom, I am glad to know that none of the chapters are torturing puppies or eating raw sheep eyeballs......kinda funny now that I read that line again. I won't sweat it and again, thanks for the info.

When moms quote their pnms as making blanket statements about a chapter like "the activities they enjoyed were not the activities my daughter was hoping for" it id suspect. At big Greek schools like TAMU, even the smallest chapters have about 100 members. To really believe that someone has absolutely nothing in common with any of the women or other new members of a chapter is ridiculous. Basically, statements like yours, particularly when used in conjunction with phrases like "I kept cutting them but they kept reappearing on my list" are code words for "I'm not bottom tier material like these girls."

[33girl]

Exactly.

If people were at schools where the largest chapter is 40 members, no one would blink an eye at "I didn't feel like I fit in." Because it can be very, very true. But once you get to a certain number of members, just by law of averages you should find SOMEONE you can be friends with.

[FSUZeta]

what would be a better way to indicate the non-meshing with a chapter? would it be better to just not mention it at all? or would it be better to say,"they are all 6 foot tall, 100 pound heidi klum clones and their philanthropy is standing in the student union giving free fashion tips to the less fortunate looking. as i am a 5 feet tall brunette who has no interest in fashion, i feel i don't fit in, so i ranked them last."

[greekalum]

And even if there are members who the PNM would click with in a 100+ member organization, there's still a good chance the PNM might not talk to any of them during recruitment.

[Texasmom15]

Thanks FSUZeta and greekalum, I went back to read my posts to make sure I hadn't written anything that could have been misunderstood.....I can't think of a better way to state my daughter's thoughts.

Fact is, there was one chapter that had perfectly charming girls many of whom were heavily involved in sports. Not eating sheeps eyes or anything, just not the right fit for the non-sports girl. My daughter met 8 of the girls from this house, several of the PNM's were very excited about this house because it was the perfect fit for them.

[LadyLonghorn]

Originally Posted by Texasmom15

Thanks FSUZeta and greekalum, I went back to read my posts to make sure I hadn't written anything that could have been misunderstood.....I can't think of a better way to state my daughter's thoughts.

Fact is, there was one chapter that had perfectly charming girls many of whom were heavily involved in sports. Not eating sheeps eyes or anything, just not the right fit for the non-sports girl. My daughter met 8 of the girls from this house, several of the PNM's were very excited about this house because it was the perfect fit for them.

Oh right. Of course. She didn't want to go back because the chapter was full of jocks and sports is all they do and she can't even manage to walk and chew gum at the same time much less master a sport. And that's the very reason they kept inviting her back.

[Drolefille]

Ok let me try and break this down. From the PNM's side: PNMs can make stupid decisions, they can also make decisions based on a feeling that they might not adequately be able to explain to the parents. We don't know how this PNM decided anything.

From the parent's side: Parents only know what their PNM tells them. Parents should be careful at making blanket statements about why their PNM was cut, invited back, or anything about how the chapter actually is rather than how their PNM perceived the chapter.

Member's side: We don't like when people make quick judgements about chapters but we do forget the above perspectives sometimes. And we forget that a PNM does not have to be ~thrilled~ to be invited back to a chapter she truly doesn't feel she clicks with. However, that cuts both ways and PNMs who have made those decisions should expect lower returns and a smaller chance of getting a bid.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Ok let me try and break this down. From the PNM's side: PNMs can make stupid decisions, they can also make decisions based on a feeling that they might not adequately be able to explain to the parents. We don't know how this PNM decided anything.

From the parent's side: Parents only know what their PNM tells them. Parents should be careful at making blanket statements about why their PNM was cut, invited back, or anything about how the chapter actually is rather than how their PNM perceived the chapter.

Member's side: We don't like when people make quick judgements about chapters but we do forget the above perspectives sometimes. And we forget that a PNM does not have to be ~thrilled~ to be invited back to a chapter she truly doesn't feel she clicks with. However, that cuts both ways and PNMs who have made those decisions should expect lower returns and a smaller chance of getting a bid.

Well said.

And for the record as a PNM I cut one of the "top" sororities on campus because it was mostly full of pageant girls and girls that were fairly conservative and religious. I'm not into the pageant scene at all, wanted, as a freshman, to do a little partying, and I'm not religious. Does this mean, looking back, that I couldn't have found girls in the chapter that were like me? No. But as a freshman, with a week and a half to meet this girls, total, this was my impression. (That being said, the most any chapter has had on campus since I've been around is 60, so they do tend to have a more established group personality than huge chapters). So I can understand on campuses with smaller chapters not wanting a bid because you didn't feel you fit in. What I don't get is feeling that way about 100+ women. There HAS to be a handful that are like you.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

Well said.
So I can understand on campuses with smaller chapters not wanting a bid because you didn't feel you fit in. What I don't get is feeling that way about 100+ women. There HAS to be a handful that are like you.

But like you said, in a short time you might not meet those women and you are probably not thinking in those terms. *Oh well there are 80 women I haven't met, I bet I'd like some of them*

[DubaiSis]

I'm afraid my earlier post may have been misinterpreted. If there was any sort of future hope taken from my post (that SHOULD have been read as snowball's chance in hell), I apologize for that.

[Eightisgreat]

I do agree that in larger organizations (100+) a PNM has the ability to find a hand full of girls that she can relate too. I think we can all agree that in the rush situation, those particular girls may not be who is paired with said PNM. So at age 18 or 19 these young PNMs have to make a judgement on who is standing in front of her, and she simply does not have the ability or opportunity to seekout like minded indivduals. If there is any "blame" to the sterotypes that PNMs place on chapters, it is that chapters do not do their homework effectively and match PNMs with an active that is like minded, like valued and with similar interests. I do believe some chapters do a much better job at this than others. If you match an applied mathmatics major with a fashion merchandise major, you will more than likely have both saying "no match here." With all that said, these PNM's can only base their attitude of "I don't fit" or "this is my dream house" off of a conversation with maybe 3-5% of the actives. That alone will lead to the generalizations and nothing will ever change that.

[FSUZeta]

Originally Posted by Eightisgreat

I do agree that in larger organizations (100+) a PNM has the ability to find a hand full of girls that she can relate too. I think we can all agree that in the rush situation, those particular girls may not be who is paired with said PNM. So at age 18 or 19 these young PNMs have to make a judgement on who is standing in front of her, and she simply does not have the ability or opportunity to seekout like minded indivduals. If there is any "blame" to the sterotypes that PNMs place on chapters, it is that chapters do not do their homework effectively and match PNMs with an active that is like minded, like valued and with similar interests. I do believe some chapters do a much better job at this than others. If you match an applied mathmatics major with a fashion merchandise major, you will more than likely have both saying "no match here." With all that said, these PNM's can only base their attitude of "I don't fit" or "this is my dream house" off of a conversation with maybe 3-5% of the actives. That alone will lead to the generalizations and nothing will ever change that.

well said!

[carnation]

AaaaaaMEN!