Dating and finances

[DaemonSeid]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

So, you believe gender equality. Good.

You haven't been reading my last couple of threads....

yes, I do believe in a gender equal household because these things don't solve themselves and as I said in another thread, what's the use in delineating something by gender if something happens to me and she won't do it because she 'relied' on me to do it and vice versa?

No sense in being with someone if you don't know how to be by (and do for) yourself, right?

[starang21]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

I always knew why. Now you do, too.

because we disagree? because it isnt due to either one of us having the "right" answer. theres no such thing.

[nikki1920]

Is that my 2nd favorite Iota?? *faints*

I say do what works for you first, then what works for you as a couple. Compromise is a wonderful thing.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Things like:

Washing clothes
Household repairs and plumbing
Holding doors open
Cooking (my pet peeve...LOL)
Paying bills and finances

I did all of this in my own apartment (HATED the bolded, can't do it worth a darn but I'll try if I'm desperate). I can change the tires and oil on my car, too. I'd have no problem doing that in a shared household. If he can cook and clean and I could do all the rest, fine by me. I prefer mowing the lawn and taking out the trash over washing dishes any day of the week. If he was okay with that, I'd be in heaven (though chances are I'll find a man who was brought up to believe those are "my" jobs).

Originally Posted by starang21

i saw a dude who had a murse on. AND skinny jeans.

I met a man wearing a Coach purse, matching hat, and acrylic nails (which were yellowed from improper maintenance). I took pictures when his back was turned.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by honeychile

I have asked guys about what they can and can't do, but I have never, ever asked if they can scrape a dead duck off the deck!

I completely agree that both men and women should know basic life skills (cooking, cleaning, laundry, fixing, killing critters, etc). I'm a mean cook, enjoy doing the laundry, but I also have my own power tools. If you give me a long enough fly swatter, I can kill a spider but hate it. But my mother-out-law made such an idol out of cleaning that she grossed me out. That poor woman had no life that didn't include a dust rag or detergent. I believe in tidy, I believe in clean, but an antiseptic house is a sign of illness!

I think that every couple needs to sit down and figure who will do what and how often. And if neither can do something or the other, then how to get it done should be figured out, too.

The dead duck story is in the TMI thread in ChitChat It only came to be an issue in very recent times! I ended up paying my 13 year old son to do it and even then, had to convince him "Man up! You're almost 14, you can do this! I'll pay you!"

I agree on your other points completely. I also have power tools and can mitre a corner on molding like nobody's business. I hate clutter and clean regularly, but it's a lived in house nonetheless. I just want things to be where they are supposed to be. I hate having to look for stuff when it should be "in it's place". I had to learn to kill spiders when my kids were little and I became single. I have to protect the children from those evil things, but I hate it. They no longer paralyze me though. Killing them is a necessity because the alternative (letting them wander around the house) is NOT an option!

Originally Posted by DrPhil

So, you believe gender equality. Good.

The man who got me partially brought me in because of two things: a clean home and good cooking.

I REFUSED to bring something to the table (literally and figuratively) that he couldn't. My household is relatively gender neutral so outside of the biological differences, he and I do the same or similar things.

QFT! Although, I can accept that different people are skilled at different things. It shouldn't be based on gender, but on individual strengths. If a man can't cook, I could live with that, as long as he can wash dishes or do something else that I hate/can't do. And, I cannot tolerate clutter so he had better be able to get clothes into the hamper and clean his frickin whiskers out of the sink. And if he leaves all the cupboard/dresser doors and drawers open, it's a deal breaker!

[starang21]

Originally Posted by nikki1920

2nd

i see i need to step it up, huh?

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by AGDee

The dead duck story is in the TMI thread in ChitChat It only came to be an issue in very recent times! I ended up paying my 13 year old son to do it and even then, had to convince him "Man up! You're almost 14, you can do this! I'll pay you!"

LOL - I'll have to read about that! There's a feral cat colony near my house (and yes, I'm guilty of feeding three of them), so I doubt that a dead duck would have the time to freeze to anything before it became dinner.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by nikki1920

I say do what works for you first, then what works for you as a couple. Compromise is a wonderful thing.

THIS

[Boodleboy322]

I think this boils down to gender typing in the society that we live in. Most women, not all but most, like being taken care of on the first date. This goes back to age old tradition where the male is the breadwinner. Psychologically, most pairs attract for looks, compatibility and knowing that the male is financially capable of supporting/nourishing his mate. It may not always apply to current practice, belief or philosophy but it's merely a tradition. I always offered my wallet, whether cheap or expensive, to my past dates when we first started going out. Most of those dates resulted in the girl being very appreciate. I say most because I also dated the side that never said thank you and expected to be placed on a pedal stool (daddy's little princess). Most of those dates ended quickly but at the time the eye candy pleased my fraternity brothers so it was all good.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by Boodleboy322

I say most because I also dated the side that never said thank you and expected to be placed on a pedal stool (daddy's little princess).

Ok, I'm sorry, but I have to ask... what is a pedal stool? LOL

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

Ok, I'm sorry, but I have to ask... what is a pedal stool? LOL

I know someone who published a book and she did this. I wanted to say "Who the heck was your editor???" lol

[Boodleboy322]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

Ok, I'm sorry, but I have to ask... what is a pedal stool? LOL

Oops - I meant to say Pedestal.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

I was on an show last night that discussed this and thought I would put this age old question out to the group:


In these economical times, how feasible is it to cling to the age old belief that the 'man should pay for everything' on the first (or any) date?

Should anyone have to 'pay for everything' on a date?

When and why?

When is a good time to decide on finances when dating someone?

I have two brothers. I was not raised with the "I should be treated like a queen because that's what I am" fallacy being drilled into my head. My parents taught me a good relationship should consist of two people who offer each other respect, kindness, and compassion. One shouldn't be treated better than the other. I think the party that invites the other on the date should pay. If I ask a guy on a date (which I haven't done yet, but I would if the situation arose) I should pay. If he asks me, he should. But when I have a boyfriend we always split. I'll buy the tickets to the movie and he buys the refreshments or vice versa, for example. That way it all evens out in the end. A guy can't be expected to be in a relationship and finance every activity. I always tell a guy when they offer that I appreciate it, but I would like to contribute, too. I've never had a refusal on that offer. Recession or no, it's always polite to offer.

[RU OX Alum]

take a shot every time DaemonSeid says "age old."

[PiKA2001]

Originally Posted by starang21

i saw a dude who had a murse on. AND skinny jeans.

You mean a man bag? I always though murse referred to a male nurse.