The importance of conversation/personality during recruitment

[PhilTau]

Originally Posted by funinthesun

I have a daughter who is only a sophomore in HS. She has the 4.0 GPA, tons of community service hours already, and I know I have mom goggles on, but she is a very pretty girl. And I think she will do terrible in recruitment... She is quite shy. She speaks softly and quietly, and she gets nervous and self conscious in big groups. She has a heart of gold, is an excellent friend and listener, lots of fun and witty once you get to know her. I want to help her now. NOT because of recruitment, but I think overcoming this kind of shyness will help in general. Any advice would be appreciated.

Wonderful advice above.

I'd also consider looking into:

1) Assuming your daughter is under 18, see if there is a Toastmasters Youth Leadership Program in your town. https://www.toastmasters.org/educati...ership-program

The programs offered by Toastmaster clubs directly address the areas you mention in your post. They will definitely get her out of her comfort zone and help her develop confidence when speaking with individuals and groups. Once she becomes 18, she can participate in the regular Toastmasters clubs. This would be my first recommendation.

2) Another avenue (which has been suggested repeatedly) is for her to read Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People." You can buy it used for about $3 or look up a summary on Google or get an audio book. There are also expensive training programs based on Dale Carnegie's work all over. But I'd start with the book.

[Remiechi]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Shy girls are total gems in the rough if you can pull them out of the shell or see their potential but usually there is not enough time.

I have a relative who just went through deferred recruitment and KSUViolet is right, there was just not enough time for her to come out of her shell.
She is "total package" but extremely reserved and waits to assess a situation before she dives in. She was cut harshly after the first round and was left with her two least favorites after second, so dropped from the process. I warned her to ignore tent talk but she was overwhelmed, disappointed and discouraged.
I think RFM is great for the chapters but maybe not so beneficial for our shy girls who need just a little more time to be able to shine.

[GreekOne]

Originally Posted by Remiechi

I have a relative who just went through deferred recruitment and KSUViolet is right, there was just not enough time for her to come out of her shell.
She is "total package" but extremely reserved and waits to assess a situation before she dives in. She was cut harshly after the first round and was left with her two least favorites after second, so dropped from the process. I warned her to ignore tent talk but she was overwhelmed, disappointed and discouraged.
I think RFM is great for the chapters but maybe not so beneficial for our shy girls who need just a little more time to be able to shine.

Sounds like she would do much better during Informal recruitment where the pace and pressure are not so overwhelming. If that is offered on her campus, you might want to encourage her to give that a try.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Remiechi

She was cut harshly after the first round and was left with her two least favorites after second, so dropped from the process. I warned her to ignore tent talk but she was overwhelmed, disappointed and discouraged.
I think RFM is great for the chapters but maybe not so beneficial for our shy girls who need just a little more time to be able to shine.

Even if she would have had the time to get more comfortable, a lot of the super popular chapters can be a very high octane environment, and she might have constantly felt like she was trying to keep up. Getting the bid is only half the battle.

That is part of the point of deferred rush - to give women a chance to get used to the campus community and to meet Greek women outside of the artificial atmosphere of rush.

[Bulldog121]

Rushing as a sophomore! It didn't go well last year at all! After reading alll of these posts I know that it had a lot to do with my conversational skills. I had tons of rec letters but I guess it did not make a difference at all. So, should i go through the whole process and get recs all over again. Is it worth it to rush as a sophomore. I know that 2 of my fall roommates are rushing as Sophomores as well. So many of my friends don't understand why I want to do this again. I really thought I made a connection with some of these girls last year and I was really devastated when I was not picked. It just seemed to make no sense. I know they say trust the process and you will find your forever home but you know when there are places you just won't fit, right? It is not a matter of tiers. I know I am not a top tier girl but after being there a year I know which ones are just not me. So any advice?

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by Bulldog121

Rushing as a sophomore! It didn't go well last year at all! After reading alll of these posts I know that it had a lot to do with my conversational skills. I had tons of rec letters but I guess it did not make a difference at all. So, should i go through the whole process and get recs all over again. Is it worth it to rush as a sophomore. I know that 2 of my fall roommates are rushing as Sophomores as well. So many of my friends don't understand why I want to do this again. I really thought I made a connection with some of these girls last year and I was really devastated when I was not picked. It just seemed to make no sense. I know they say trust the process and you will find your forever home but you know when there are places you just won't fit, right? It is not a matter of tiers. I know I am not a top tier girl but after being there a year I know which ones are just not me. So any advice?

Based on this and your previous posts, I have some questions. Were you released from recruitment or did you drop out? We can't tell you why you weren't invited back to chapters but how were your grades? Over a 3.0? How are they now? Well over a 3.0? Grades, recs, conversation,overall impression (clean,pressed clothing appropriate to the event, clean hair and nails,etc) all come into play. Dress and act as if this were a job interview for your dream job! And yes, you need to get your recs all over again. At least you know whom to ask now! Good luck.

[FSUZeta]

It can help to cultivate the friendships with the new sorority members that began during rush-girls from your dorm and rush group.It can help to join orgs on campus that interest you. It's an added benefit if there are sorority members in those orgs.

[Bulldog121]

This was my first post.

Originally Posted by Titchou

Based on this and your previous posts, I have some questions. Were you released from recruitment or did you drop out? We can't tell you why you weren't invited back to chapters but how were your grades? Over a 3.0? How are they now? Well over a 3.0? Grades, recs, conversation,overall impression (clean,pressed clothing appropriate to the event, clean hair and nails,etc) all come into play. Dress and act as if this were a job interview for your dream job! And yes, you need to get your recs all over again. At least you know whom to ask now! Good luck.

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by Bulldog121

So getting in is all about your instagram photos and how you look?

This is what I was referring to.

[Bulldog121]

Got it! I dropped out of Rush because I was overwhelmed and I didn't think I was ready. I was making good connections in my mind then I wasn't invited back. My GPA from High School was well over a 3.0 or I would not have gotten in. My current GPA is over a 3.0. My clothes were clean,neat and appropriate. I had a mani and a pedi. I feel like I should have gotten a Spray Tan. There were sororities that I knew wouldn't pick me and that was ok. I am involved on campus in other positions. I am not going to lie, the sororities I was left with were just not ones where I felt I would fit so I felt dropping was for the best and trying again in Spring or Fall then I would know where I fit. I

[carnation]

Spray tans are a thing in recruitment?

The prom at the school where I teach was last night and I just felt like the girls looked orange.

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by Bulldog121

Got it! I dropped out of Rush because I was overwhelmed and I didn't think I was ready. I was making good connections in my mind then I wasn't invited back. My GPA from High School was well over a 3.0 or I would not have gotten in. My current GPA is over a 3.0. My clothes were clean,neat and appropriate. I had a mani and a pedi. I feel like I should have gotten a Spray Tan. There were sororities that I knew wouldn't pick me and that was ok. I am involved on campus in other positions. I am not going to lie, the sororities I was left with were just not ones where I felt I would fit so I felt dropping was for the best and trying again in Spring or Fall then I would know where I fit. I

So what are you going to do if you are left with the sames ones as last time? one thing we experienced sorority folks will always say -they wanted YOU! You wouldn't have been invited back if they didn't want you and think you could be their sister. Put a LOT of value on that notion. Only look at the invites you receive, not the ones you didn't. These people want you and find value in you. Give them a chance.

[NYCMS]

Originally Posted by Titchou

So what are you going to do if you are left with the sames ones as last time? one thing we experienced sorority folks will always say -they wanted YOU! You wouldn't have been invited back if they didn't want you and think you could be their sister. Put a LOT of value on that notion. Only look at the invites you receive, not the ones you didn't. These people want you and find value in you. Give them a chance.

Bulldog121, the question from Titchou is one that you must seriously consider. I don't know which school you're at, but for many sophomores, the odds of getting the same houses (at end of rush) are high and then many drop out again rather than take a bid. At that point, it's pretty much your last chance at sisterhood since juniors are rarely ever bid. Your second rush may go differently, but the question above is one you must think about.

Consider this: many girls take a bid from a house "they don't think they fit in" only to discover that they do fit in and they even say how they couldn't imagine being anywhere else. There's a reason why we encourage girls to give a house a shot - and I mean really. Not just a few weeks, but go through pledgeship and put your best effort forward.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by carnation

Spray tans are a thing in recruitment?

The prom at the school where I teach was last night and I just felt like the girls looked orange.

Location: Florida

[Theta1234]

Oh are spray tans ever a thing. There were several stories that came out of Ole Miss this year when it was pouring buckets during recruitment. To draw a mental picture--wet freshly applied spray tans (especially if you get a bronzer) can run...and rub off on things...