Older men? - Page 4

AlphaChiS2K · #46 10-14-2001, 12:15 AM

thanks

"you never lose by loving. you only lose by holding back."

Miami1839 · #47 10-14-2001, 01:08 AM

your welcome

DeltaBetaBaby · #48 07-04-2003, 07:02 AM

Hello,

I am bumping up a ridiculously old thread. Obviously, it is because I am in the middle of my own issue with the age difference thing.

As much as I hate to agree with P7, my biggest concern is why a guy 12 years older is interested in ME. It kinda worries me that he may have some weird issues.

On the other hand, I am a college graduate, I have a career, and I have been through quite a few of those big life experiences everyone has to deal with at least a few times, good or bad.

I don't feel like he is that much older than anyone else I have dated (because boys never really grow up), but it will be interesting to see if this relationship outlasts the initial chemistry.

KappaKittyCat · #49 07-04-2003, 01:06 PM

Yeah... it's weird. One of my best friends is a guy who's 11 years older than I.

I prefer older guys, but generally, all my best friends are older than I am, so that makes sense. However, my "best boyfriend" (dated for nearly three years, though a long time ago) was 10 months younger than I, so it depends.

I do agree that if the basis for a relationship is some sort of shared endeavor, then it has the most chance of succeeding.

-Random ramblings from a singleton.

DZHBrown · #50 07-04-2003, 01:26 PM

That's not too bad of an age difference. I personally don't date anyone more than 5 or 6 years older than me, but 21 and 30 doesn't sound awful. If he was 40, that would be different.

DeltaBetaBaby · #51 07-04-2003, 02:27 PM

I am 20, I am dating a guy who is 33, but...

I skipped grades when I was little, and have been ahead my whole life. All my friends are 3-4 years older than I, so I am effectively 24 or so.

And he is hot.

OPAButterflyJ · #52 07-04-2003, 07:43 PM

When I was 18, I dated a guy who was 29. It worked out well, and he was more thoughtful than a lot of the guys closer to my own age. Plus, he had a good job, and could afford to spoil me.

It didn't last long, though.

As everyone else has mentioned, the older guy thing can lead to problems. Mainly the problem that they're ready to settled down when you're just hitting your stride, so to speak.

Also, I've noticed it's become harder and harder to find guys around that age who haven't been divorced or already have children. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing, but at my age (I'm 20 now) I don't want to have to deal with being a "step mother" type figure, or deal with an angry ex- wife.

That's just my thoughts on it. If you can make it work for you, then more power to you.

gphiangel624 · #53 07-04-2003, 08:17 PM

I think because of my upbringing and the fact that my parents are only 4 years apart (my dad is older), that I have this subconscious idea that I shouldn't date guys any more than 4 years older than me. Reasons being:

I went out once or twice with a 21 year old when I just turned 16 (yuck... he was scary, but he bought me nice things for a few days... that was over quick).

Recently, I've been seeing a few people. One was a few months older than me, and in my opinion, he's "too young" for me (I'm 21). His personality is comparable to that of a 15 year old, which just didn't mesh. We're good friends, but otherwise, he reminds me of a horny teenager (for lack of a better comparison).

I also started seeing a 26 year old that was just going into his junior year at my school (I just graduated) as a transfer student. I liked him a lot at first, but after a few more conversations, i realized we don't have much in common, his goals are way off from mine, etc.

So now I've started seeing a 23 year old grad. student at my school. He's a TA, he's got a TON of the same interests as I do, we're on the same level socially and emotionally, he's driven to continue in education- like I am- and we have so much in common, but he's a couple years older... it's like it's perfect.

So in essence, I think it's ok to date older people, but a lot of the time, the priorities are going to be out of line with your own... I like having someone who understands me on all levels, not just someone who likes me because I'm cute, young, ambitious, and may be able to be bought off.

FAB*SpiceySpice · #54 07-04-2003, 09:48 PM

I have always liked older guys. When I was 16 I had the biggest crush on a 21 year old, he's still to this day one of my best friends!

My dad is 7 years older than my mom though so I think I've always assumed I would end up with a guy significantly older than me. That being said, the guy I like right now is a year younger than me.

Oh well!

I still think older men are sexy.

valkyrie · #55 07-04-2003, 11:44 PM

This is an interesting thread!

I think that if you're just starting to see somebody, age doesn't matter. If you have fun and enjoy each other's company, who cares?! If things between you get more serious, then you can decide if an age difference creates problems that you can't or don't want to deal with in the long term.

As a side note, I've never been into older guys. Mr. valkyrie is 6 1/2 years younger than I am and it has never caused a problem and is never an issue with us at all.

Peaches-n-Cream · #56 07-06-2003, 05:29 PM

My boyfriend is older. I am happy. I've dated all ages. It's who the person is that matters, not the age assuming you are both adults. I don't condone the jailbait thing.

AchtungBaby80 · #57 07-06-2003, 05:39 PM

My stepfather is 16 years older than my mom; she was born the year he got his drivers' license. So far it's worked out; they got married when she was in her late 20s and he was in his early 40s. The thing is, though, now he's getting to the point where he wants to go to bed at 7 every night and doesn't ever want to go out to eat or do anything except yard work, while my mom is still fairly young and likes to do fun things. I guess that's a hazard of marrying an older man, but just dating them might be OK.

James · #58 07-06-2003, 06:29 PM

I think the biggest issue here is both how you think others will perceive you and how you preceive the relationship from a social acceptability perspective. Mostly you are wondering about the approval of your friends and family.

News flash

Some of them will like your SO and some will not no matter what lol.

A relationship will either work or not work depending on an enormous amount of factors. We are talking relationship psychology here, and psychology is great at explaining after the fact, but bad at predicting what will happen.

In fact most of the time its rationalization. I doubt many of us really know why or our relationships work or don't in a way that could be clearly expressed.

stmuprncez · #59 07-06-2003, 07:00 PM

As long as you are feel that you are clicking and having a good time which is what really matters then you shouldn't worry about it. However, I'm curious that if there is going to be a problem that you are in different phases in your life. I know I dated older guys before and it always seems an issue when they want to settle down or don't or if they enjoy different things that I don't because they feel I'm younger and they've been there with doing things I enjoy to do. But as long as you are HONEST with each other.. which is for all relationships then you can't go wrong

SlipRock 229 · #60 07-06-2003, 08:45 PM

Well...here I am...normal guy, 33, I have a 3 yr old son that lives with his mom. She doesnt get involved in my relationships, I dont get into hers.

The reason alot of guys are available at my age is a) people dont work at marriages like our parents do b) women in my age range are *generally* married, or come with alot of baggage. So do the men also, I might add.

I've come close to marriage, but it never happened. I've heard everything from "If he's still single, there must be something wrong with him" to gawd knows what.

I'm at the stage in my life right now where I'm in the Navy due to layoffs, so my being away and trying to see my son where I can eats alot of my time. I dont think I'll look / try for anything seriously until I'm out in 2 1/2 years. Even then, if I dont find what I'm looking for...I figure I have a house, a great kid, and a loving family....

As for dating younger women...hrm.... I dont see too much wrong with it provided you're both open and honest. True, most older men want to settle...and most younger women arent ready for that yet.

My biggest peeve is really really liking someone...knowing you could treat them better than anyone else, and the other person continues to date jerks and never would "want to ruin" a friendship by dating you....GAH!