Are we open to women with children?

[barnard1897]

In my NM class there was a woman who depledged, and we found out later she had gotten pregnant by her boyfriend. She finished college, but I think she felt like pledging was not her priority anymore with all that was going on in her personal life, as well as a change in financial situation. I always felt badly she left because I think the chapter would have been very supportive.

[LPIDelta]

Confession: The chapter I advise is better at accepting people where they are than I probably would be.

In the six years I've known this chapter, they have had a pregnant sister and 41 year old sister and lesbian sisters--they are really good at looking at the heart of someone, whereas, as an advisor, I tend to think more about the group's image and the financial bottom line. I am proud of them when they make such decisions despite what other people may think--and they will defend those decisions to the end by supporting their sisters and challenging those who do comment. They epitomize sisterhood to me.

They are at a southern school which is small and "non-competitive". Based on what I am reading here, I guess that gives them a luxury others may not have.

I see nothing wrong with GLOs accepting moms, but I do think that moms may have to be willing to accept that they are entering the sorority's world, and not the sorority trying to fit their world.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by LPIDelta

Confession: The chapter I advise is better at accepting people where they are than I probably would be.

In the six years I've known this chapter, they have had a pregnant sister and 41 year old sister and lesbian sisters--they are really good at looking at the heart of someone, whereas, as an advisor, I tend to think more about the group's image and the financial bottom line. I am proud of them when they make such decisions despite what other people may think--and they will defend those decisions to the end by supporting their sisters and challenging those who do comment. They epitomize sisterhood to me.

They are at a southern school which is small and "non-competitive". Based on what I am reading here, I guess that gives them a luxury others may not have.

I see nothing wrong with GLOs accepting moms, but I do think that moms may have to be willing to accept that they are entering the sorority's world, and not the sorority trying to fit their world.

Sounds like the chapter you advise is very progressive! Kudos to them! It definitely makes a difference when recruitment isn't cut throat. Chapters are more likely to take a chance in the name of sisterhood if they don't get ostracized for the choice.

[Buttonz]

I honestly don't see a problem with it...then again. both my grand-big and great-grand big each had a child.

Then again, my campus was a non-traditional, commuter one. I don't think it would work down South or at a traditional campus.

My chapter also (and I know this is a bit off topic but seeing as how it was mentioned) never had a problem taking girls who were bi or lesbian, where a lot of groups would have been scared to take them.

I love my sisters for not being afraid and giving everyone a fair change.

[nittanyalum]

To throw a small wrench into the conversation, what about chapters that have housing requirements? A thrust of the conversation so far seems to be that most would have no problem with a member with a child/children as long as they're held to the same requirements as other sisters. So what about chapters with houses that need to fill them and have only very specific exceptions to living in in their bylaws? (and have suspended members for not fulfilling their housing obligation) Would the sister with a child get an exception while the sister with a fiance or other "good reason" (per her view of her life) would not?

[Drolefille]

Most housing requirements have exceptions that are strictly laid down in the rules. My sister's house is that if the student lives at home they don't have to live in. A student with a child is different than an engaged student or "don't wanna" student and the latter two will just have to deal with it.

[als463]

Yay-THAT Phi Mu is one of MY sisters!!! Good for her and I'm glad there is a committed alum among us who joined as a mother but, this girl doesn't necessarily sound as mature about the situation when her main concern was that she made sure her children had decent "NAME BRAND" clothes to wear yet, she was struggling to pay bills (or however she said it)....Glad to call Sage my sister and hopefully Green and White will be an awesome sister like mine here but, just be careful about any decisions you make that could risk losing membership-or worse-your children.....

[nittanyalum]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Most housing requirements have exceptions that are strictly laid down in the rules. My sister's house is that if the student lives at home they don't have to live in. A student with a child is different than an engaged student or "don't wanna" student and the latter two will just have to deal with it.

I agree a woman with a child is different, but since the main response had been there would be no issue as long as she was held to/could fulfill all the responsibilities of a sister, I was just trying to add a dimension to the conversation in terms of whether her not being able (although for valid reasons in her own right) to fulfill a chapter's housing requirement would be a consideration of her membership. Affording a house is a crushing responsibility for some chapters, particularly small ones or rebuilding ones and the bylaws I've seen that give exceptions (if any) for living in specify not just living "at home" but very specifically living "at home with their parents". So again, I was just saying that on the face of it, most chapters won't have built-in, automatic exceptions for someone with a child, so it may not be just whether someone can attend events that factors in to whether she can fulfill a chapter's needs and requirements. Not trying to be difficult, just stirrin' up the pot with the un-fun reality that sometimes chapters make very hard decisions that don't seem fair because they absolutely have to.

[sageofages]

Originally Posted by als463

Yay-THAT Phi Mu is one of MY sisters!!! Good for her and I'm glad there is a committed alum among us who joined as a mother ........snip........Glad to call Sage my sister and hopefully Green and White will be an awesome sister like mine here ........

You are so kind. *blush*

[sageofages]

Originally Posted by nittanyalum

I agree a woman with a child is different, but since the main response had been there would be no issue as long as she was held to/could fulfill all the responsibilities of a sister, I was just trying to add a dimension to the conversation in terms of whether her not being able (although for valid reasons in her own right) to fulfill a chapter's housing requirement would be a consideration of her membership. Affording a house is a crushing responsibility for some chapters, particularly small ones or rebuilding ones and the bylaws I've seen that give exceptions (if any) for living in specify not just living "at home" but very specifically living "at home with their parents". So again, I was just saying that on the face of it, most chapters won't have built-in, automatic exceptions for someone with a child, so it may not be just whether someone can attend events that factors in to whether she can fulfill a chapter's needs and requirements. Not trying to be difficult, just stirrin' up the pot with the un-fun reality that sometimes chapters make very hard decisions that don't seem fair because they absolutely have to.

I think if the chapter has a live in requirement as rigidly stated as you have presented, then membership for a single mother would indeed be difficult, if not impossible. I think it would be unfortunate at best.

I know that the "culture" of a campus can not be ignored in these circumstances.

When I attended college, Wright State at the time was primarily a commuter campus (although it appears to be moving away from that in recent years). There was no real on-campus housing to speak of. The very nature of that, made it a true possibility for me to be an active and involved sorority person.

[AlexMack]

Originally Posted by LPIDelta

Confession: The chapter I advise is better at accepting people where they are than I probably would be.

In the six years I've known this chapter, they have had a pregnant sister and 41 year old sister and lesbian sisters--they are really good at looking at the heart of someone, whereas, as an advisor, I tend to think more about the group's image and the financial bottom line. I am proud of them when they make such decisions despite what other people may think--and they will defend those decisions to the end by supporting their sisters and challenging those who do comment. They epitomize sisterhood to me.

They are at a southern school which is small and "non-competitive". Based on what I am reading here, I guess that gives them a luxury others may not have.

I see nothing wrong with GLOs accepting moms, but I do think that moms may have to be willing to accept that they are entering the sorority's world, and not the sorority trying to fit their world.

Question: would you really have an issue accepting a lesbian sister?

[Dionysus]

Originally Posted by LPIDelta

Confession: The chapter I advise is better at accepting people where they are than I probably would be.

In the six years I've known this chapter, they have had a pregnant sister and 41 year old sister and lesbian sisters--they are really good at looking at the heart of someone, whereas, as an advisor, I tend to think more about the group's image and the financial bottom line. I am proud of them when they make such decisions despite what other people may think--and they will defend those decisions to the end by supporting their sisters and challenging those who do comment. They epitomize sisterhood to me.

They are at a southern school which is small and "non-competitive". Based on what I am reading here, I guess that gives them a luxury others may not have.

I see nothing wrong with GLOs accepting moms, but I do think that moms may have to be willing to accept that they are entering the sorority's world, and not the sorority trying to fit their world.

Originally Posted by Buttonz

I honestly don't see a problem with it...then again. both my grand-big and great-grand big each had a child.

Then again, my campus was a non-traditional, commuter one. I don't think it would work down South or at a traditional campus.

My chapter also (and I know this is a bit off topic but seeing as how it was mentioned) never had a problem taking girls who were bi or lesbian, where a lot of groups would have been scared to take them.

I love my sisters for not being afraid and giving everyone a fair change.

Originally Posted by AlexMack

Question: would you really have an issue accepting a lesbian sister?

Yeah, I didn't think this would be much of a problem in NPC sororties outside the south.

[MaggieXi]

We had one sister who was bi and had a girlfriend for awhile. It generally didn't bother most people. There were a couple very conservitive sisters and they would make a huff out of her bringing her girlfriend to date functions, but they usually were a small minority of the chapter. We were concerned we would have been known as the "lesbian" houseafter she was initiated, but that never ended up happening.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by SmartBlondeGPhB

Uh.......Technically speaking any woman can terminate her membership. She just stops showing up.

That all depends on what "stop showing up" means and how the organization handles it.

Anyway, I'm talking about a woman having her membership terminated for her. That's what the post I quoted was referencing.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by OTW

In the case of the OP in the now-closed thread that prompted this discussion, the OP was still a new member.

I mentioned that the active sisters didn't have to initiate her if they felt that her children would pose a conflict. I can't imagine terminating a membership based on those reasons after she's been initiated.

Thanks for the clarification.

"Terminate membership" to me meant expelling her after she's been initiated.